Cait VanDyke

Young, optimistic and still dreaming. Just trying to find some good stories to tell. This is the only place where I'm not worried about pleasing everyone or trending, its just documenting what I see and feel. Take what you need from here.

[caitjanel-blog]

Later

All of this is so triggering. Reading all of these old posts are triggering. I wish that I would've just read what was right in front of me and saw the damage it was doing to me. 

I have a chance to be happy and the only thing keeping me from it is myself. I know I have a great life, but the lies in my head are so loud. 

Its deafening. 

I want to sleep but I can't. I want the chest pains to go away. I want this pain to go away and I want some as semblance of home again. I want to eat but I can't, as I don't know where to put my safety in at the moment.  

There is one thing I do know, when we discussed that we were going to keep the door open for when we both grow up. 

I’m already grown and I’m not waiting on you. 

You no longer have the power over me and you don't get to talk to me like this.

[caitjanel-blog]

I honestly wish I stuck to writing everything in a journal where it can hide instead of out here where it can be found. 

Aren’t we all afraid of accountability?

[yeelyahwilliams]

Hayley Williams + Headbanging is crucial 

[caitjanel-blog]

I went into this having a rant but I don’t want to waste anymore time thinking about things that I have zero control over

[caitjanel-blog]

I just want these sleepless nights to end. I feel like I had a breakthrough but I can't even share it with you right now. I want you to be a part of this but I'm never going to feel like I'm not a burden.

[caitjanel-blog]

I can't get myself to send that text because I know I'll just make it my fault. I just want to understand because I don't know what makes such a difference between now and then.

[caitjanel-blog]

Self in Watercolors

[caitjanel-blog]

Cait VanDyke turned 1 today!

[caitjanel-blog]

I wreck everything.

[caitjanel-blog]

Isn't seeing each other suppose to be the best part of the day? Lately it's been the opposite and I know it's my fault.

[caitjanel-blog]

You tell me to let you know if I need you. I said I needed to quiet myself and you left. I'm quietest when I'm with you. You know that. Please come back, I know you're tired but I wanted you to stay. I wanted you to want to stay. I don't want to bother you, but I want you bothered. Please stay. Come back and stay until I can settle down. I didn't want to depend on you for that but it's too late. It's always too late isn't it.

[wnq-writers]

It’s funny how you can have a smile so bright with a sadness so deep.

Purezza (via wnq-writers)

[caitjanel-blog]

Just talk to me

I'm in a really bad spot right now, I'm trying to tell you but I don't know how. I'm trying to stay cool about everything but I don't know how much longer I can do that. I love you but I don't think I'm showing it in the best way. I want to talk to you but I don't know how anymore.

[caitjanel-blog]

11 Truths About Growing Up In A Small Town

To everyone who knows what it's like to live in a small town.

[caitjanel-blog]

11 Things You Should Never Put Up With From Your Boyfriend

We need to have a realness when addressing our relationships, in comparison with what we are being told what they should be.

[caitjanel-blog]

Comparison Kills Joy

There's a reason why we're all different.

[caitjanel-blog]

Remember Where You Came From

Remember where you came from.