How Do I Put This Gently...

Boston • Chicago • Philadelphia ~ Creative Writer | Poet | Performer | Bachelor of Arts from Columbia College Chicago. © 2017 Pina

[caitlenepina]

signs.

waste another day wasted

smelling like self-hatred.

[ms-understanding]

swimming through sky flying through wideness blanket of cloud-ripple like ocean waters my patience beats two times fast for us at a gain for a loss relativity and thoughtlessness punishment for their faults you’ve fought for so much benefits from their flaws I never could tell the landing from a free-fall

[astound]

great things take time | bridgett devoue

[caitlenepina]

Mania & The Devil

Why hello there

You missed me, I can tell.

I’ve been good, very healthy

I’ve been very well.

But now you’re here,

Come on in

I knew you’d stay near

To remind me how strong I’m not

Yep, you’ve made it crystal clear

Let the tears fall

Let the deamons laugh

Let the knees bend

Make my hands clasp

Make me call to God

Oh, I don’t know Him very well anymore

Just put me under lock and key

So I can’t hurt like before.

[caitlenepina]

Damn.

How does it feel

to be the originator of true love

in someone else’s life?

To be first is to win,

But being the first never lasts

Being your last would be a sure first

Place where I belong

I’m winning, I’m winning

High shrieks of giggle and play

From your mean love

“Shut the fuck up” followed by

“I’m gonna fuck you wild” eyes,

I trust you

Erupt peaks and depth

Like I’ve never known

See, strangers meet and have sex

And believe what they need to see and feel...

Lovers make love and pacify the insides where you’d never feel whole

Now soulmates fuck.

Lie in wraps of appreciation and contentment

Dampened down my thighs

With value, everlasting

How does it feel

to be the founder of my best, truest love..?

[caitlenepina]

My condolences to anyone who's ever lost me And, to anyone who got lost in me Or, to anyone who ever felt they took a loss with me My apologies for the misunderstanding or the lack thereof I'm sorry you missed the God in me And I'm sorry you missed the light I'm sorry you forgot the way I arose like the moon Night after night with the burden to forgive Eager to feed you everything See, I'm a holy woman I know what it's like to give life to a being without ever needing to press skin against one another I've practiced how to hold my tongue long enough I'm afraid I forgot to say goodbye I'm afraid you're under the impression That I was made to please you I was under the impression you understood me better The truth is, I'm a superwoman And some days I'm an angry woman And some days I'm a crazy woman For still waiting, for still loving harder even if I'm aching For still trusting that I'm still worth the most For still searching for someone to understand me better...

Kehlani

[caitlenepina]

Unique New York

It's almost insulting I have yet to find an alternative for saying "I love you". My love has evolved, as have you So while my intentions have strengthened, There's no new hair cut or new shoes To dress my love in it's best Flashing it's freshest debut Words that have fallen on your ears before, Whether in vain or in truth, I can't help but feel this love is worthy Of garnishes tailor suited To new territories I know you feel I feel it too The feeling stretches beyond where words reach I'm talking just beyond my writing degree, Even past a masters and PhD Nah, a visual artist couldn't even achieve the portrayal of this once in a life time thing I see Loving you is so fucking rewarding Always in tandem, constantly competing to maintain And make monumental memories I mean, I've customized the door size, A frame formally fit for you Years ago, years beyond You're my most vivid dream come true I'm doing it again Talking in roundabouts No exit for the whereabouts Of my imagination I'm getting ahead of myself For now I'll stick to what I can do I know how to show you I love you By the study in my eye The curve of my lips My velvety touch Pure laughter and bliss For now, hear my language My rock, my warrior, my lover, my best friend My inspiration, my affection lives with you You are heaven sent.

[caitlenepina]

Dear Black Man,

You yourself, a black man, don’t feel justified in your own race. You are not proud. You have not felt the glorification and recognition of being a King, you’ve only been a black man and in this world, that’s never EVER been good enough. I feel for you, black man. My heart is squeezed when I see you lust after white women. Your subconscious so desperately wants to be free of prejudice, labels, adversity. I understand, black man. It’s a condition so deeply massaged into your veins, to wash it out must feel counterintuitive. Why would you wash it away? Through it’s delusion, it felt smooth. But baby, you were born of the most textured roots. Don’t fool yourself. You can’t hide those curly q’s from the top of your head to the bottom of your ankles. Fear not, black man. You are valued beyond just the black woman’s eye. They just don’t want you to believe it. They don’t want you to see it. They don’t want you to feel it. They know your power and have denied your imagination to expand past the limits you, black man, only believe you have because of them. You know the “they” and “them” I’m talking about. Make us mothers of little black boys so we can build an army of redirected mentality. An even stronger army of Kings. Let them show you your reflection. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You are the foundation. You are the axis. Find your black woman, your equal and notice you both together are the revolution. Have the audacity to know your adversities give you a stronger tool than they could ever learn or know. Have the audacity to know you’re better, more powerful, and most empowered by your black queens and fellow kings. They could never offer the safe space, the freedom you have with your black queens and kings. Where you come from has been used to cripple and weaken you, but it is that same thing that is your weapon, your protection and your salvation, black man. I see you.

[ms-understanding]

I pray for the death of your dilution.

I’m not what you see.

[caitlenepina]

Me to Myself.

I’m sorry to bring any offense when I say you’re a dog chasing it’s tail A tale I’m too familiar with, a story so boring to tell… Your playful heart laced with ridged scars take you round and round and round Your actions seem like contradictions, the lack of clarity in your conviction, What do you want from me? The scenario, a cliché Everyday I wonder how is it… You want to share your body, but not your dreams and fears. You want to take care of my heart, but you haven’t mended yours in years. You hesitate, you refrain and, “…nothing, never mind” is all you can say, but it’s fine, my friend. I’m not ready to take care of you anyway. So I watch intently as one may Learning I’m actually like the night Missing you as dawn turns to a new day Curious if you will catch yourself Or if we will chase each other away But one thing I guarantee this time, My fear will not determine whether or not I leave or stay.

{ @caitlenepina }

[ms-understanding]

naïveté.

I’m vexed by lack of passion and opinion.

[sulfur]

[caitlenepina]

⚠️

I'm not here To console you Save you Hold you Blame you I just want To enjoy energy And talk less about us And more about me.

[bvby-gurl]

away, away, away, away…

[caitlenepina]

I can feel my heart breaking in slow motion.

Time feels wide apart. I scold myself for each scar Caused by the hand of my time keeper My Rhyme Reaper It’s so ugly how sad you’ve made me. My breath shortened Rabid thoughts Rapid thumping My wretched heart I’m trying to rid The last will I have left to try for you Because on a good day, I’d die for you On a bad day, I ride for you And I keep putting myself in harms way For you. I regret ever letting you see how easily I’d destroy myself to be With you.

[caitlenepina]

I've been writing. Just nothing I'm ready and willing to share. Yet. That's always been an appeal of creation to me. Feel when you feel whatever it is you're feeling, show it, and then keep it until you decide on your own terms what to do with it. 🔏

[wordsnquotes]

She did not want to move, or to speak. She wanted to rest, to lean, to dream. She felt very tired.

Virginia Woolf, The Years (via wordsnquotes)