Cali In My Veins

[extramadness]

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[miarps]

[caliinmyveins]

Celebrate

What a special day, a day to celebrate. A day to be happy. A day to spend with my loved ones. To be hugged, kisses and loved. My birthday. What a fuken day. Funny how a year ago, I had my life complete. I had my daughter and the love of my life. Today I dont have either. Yes im away because of work. I havent gotten a message, a picture or even a call. My heart has hit rock bottom. This day was supposed to be amazing. But its not. Cant even finish this passage. Im over today. Live everyday to its fullest that way when its taken from you, the memories will accompany you in your loneliest hours.

[kushandwizdom]

stay so busy that you don’t have time to be sad.

Wolftyla (via kushandwizdom)

[did-you-know]

Feeling rejected is not much different from actual pain. Studies of MRI scans have shown that the same areas of the brain that respond to physical pain also react to being hurt by rejection. As far as your brain is concerned, a broken heart is no different than a broken arm. Source

[kushandwizdom]

Most of our problems arise for two reasons, either we think without acting or act without thinking.

HighConscious_ (via kushandwizdom)

[extramadness]

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[caliinmyveins]

Truth.

[extramadness]

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[caliinmyveins]

Stay strong

[caliinmyveins]

Timing

Everything relies on timing. And the closer to perfect the timing is the better. I rushed things once and I hated myself for it. It took away from the importance of the moment, the big step it was. I could of waited a day more and made it a special occasion. Bad timing. Promised myself never to do that again. Ever. However I forgot that not everyone has patience for timing. Not everyone can wait for that special moment. I had my timeline set to make eac of the following dates as perfect as possible. I finally had timing down. Finally was going to say and do the right things at the right time. And before I knew it, your time was up.

[caliinmyveins]

Replacements

That word is one way to move forward. Replace the one you love with a new joy ride. Humans have the stupid necessity to have that sexual connection with someone. Its funny tho, because whether the replacement is better or worse than your spouse, gf/bf…you end up thinking about them. You wonder if they’re doing the same thing to you. If they have someone that can do things you cant. If your replacement has a better body or more confidence. Whether you act on spite, necessity or lust…they will be in your thoughts. As you’re laying there next to them memories of how you two used to lay, joke and cuddle go through your mind. You start to compare how they both do things before, during and after. You might even start to miss the real love and intimacy you shared. You might not feel it right away. It might be down the road, but be sure that no matter how much of an improvement the replacement is, the one who has your heart will be in your mind.

[caliinmyveins]

Example

Is this the example I want my child to have. That quitting is acceptable. That when the tuff gets going, you bail? No. Thats not what I want. It can be argued that the example here is that not everything turns out the way you wanted it to and its ok to start over. Why start over? Why not work hard, and put in effort to turn it into what you dreamt about. Nothing is set in stone and just when you think the ckay has hardened and can no longer be molded into what you had in your heart....all it takes is a bit of water, something to revive it, in order to be pliable again.

[caliinmyveins]

Regrets

People say they live with no regrets, that they wouldnt change anything in their lives. I know I catch myself regretting ever meeting her. Ever allowing her into my life. Giving her that second....third chance. However I start to think that if I never met her, allowed her into my life, giving her thise chances...I wouldnt have my daughter. I wouldnt know how much you can love another human being. How much you can care for someone so small. Negativity does cloud my judgement from time to time. And at times I feel like letting the rage out her. However, I think about how it could affect my relationship with my daughter, and if it did thats something I would truly regret.

[caliinmyveins]

Grass is always greener on the other side

Now looking at the inevitable reality eye to eye, i realize the positives, and the adventure. Sure the path im going to take isnt the one i wanted to be on, or even thought of ever being on. But this could be the best possible outcome for myself. I could find that special someone that improves my wellbeing. Thats just as motivated as i am to become a better individual. Someone that will be mature enough to handle stress and any bumps along the road by counting on each other not on outside parties. This someone could be in my life now or soon will be. Thats the adventure. However im not about to go desperately looking for her. Im just going to walk my path and once i make it over the bumpy hill, that beautiful green grass will be there.

[kushandwizdom]

But that’s love, to give away everything, to sacrifice everything, without the slightest desire to get anything in return.

Unknown, (via kushandwizdom)

...speechless

[caliinmyveins]

When Reality Hits

This being my second deployment i've come to realize a lot of things from people I call friends and family. Anyone can be a great friend when its convenient. Even a great cousin or brother. The phrase "we'll miss you" "we love you" so on and so forth get tossed around so much that it does lose meaning. The last weekend I was back in California everyone was saying how much they will me miss and how they would keep in touch. Both friends and family. Its been 3 months and the only people I have talked to since would be: My parents and brother, my daughter and my daughters mom (not sure whats going on between us anymore). Those people right there have always been there for me. My parents have always had my back and supported me as amazing parents would. My brother and I dont talk much, due to my stupidity and lack of effort, but when we do its as we always have. My daughter can speak yet but we communicate and skype when shes able to, and what a blessing that is. My daughters mom has always been a shoulder I can lean on surprisingly. Through the drama and all the downs, she has brought me up. She has been the ying to my yang, the cheese on my pasta, the chip to my dale... It took me a 2 years in Dover AFB, a deployment, a year in Korea, a year in Nellis AFB, and 3 months into this deployment to realize who I can genuinely count on and whi has been there for me. I always want to wait for the right time for everything. This time however waiting was the mistake. This post is all over the place just like my mind. I know once I get back all those friends and family members will say " we missed you" "glad to see you" and im going to smile and say thank you, while in my head all I can think of is those few that kept my head up while I was out here. And how one of those I used to call my wife, my best friend, my homie, my chola....she was my everything. And as im writting this I see she still is. Today is veterans day. But ask any veteran and anyone currently serving on how they made it and I can assure you they will tell you family. At the age of 22 I formed my family, at the age of 24 our daughter joined my family. I know I couldnt of been able to make it these almost 5 years without my parents and brother, my first family. And also with out my daughter and my wife, my own family.

[extramadness]

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[caliinmyveins]

Truth

[extramadness]

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