Weary Saint @callousguru - Tumblr Blog

afterdark67

“The Fairy of the Moon..”

Art By; Hermann Kaulbach (1891)

#iconography

vilelithium

𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔞𝔯𝔢𝔰𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔱𝔥𝔰 𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔡𝔬𝔴

𝔵𝔵

#iconography

celestial-fang

The last machine on earth and the last human to achieve godhood

(Watercolor and gouache on paper)

#iconography #religious themes

graviconscientia

The letter arrives for Advoca the evening after Kanaya's wedding- a bittersweet event for her, to be certain, and one that has left her a bit raw. To see someone she loves so much find happiness, surrounded by so many that adore her... Well. Kanaya deserves a happily ever after, and Advoca is grateful to have been part of it. Yet, the feelings surrounding loves lost and broken promises for her future hover at the edges, creating quite a melancholy creature, nearly a ghost in her own home. It is a blessing that someone is there with her.

The night passes by without much fanfare, quiet and slow, routine in every element. Make the coffee, check the new, get the mail- and that is where things shift. On the very top of the pile is a missive that found her by way of miracle, it seems, one she idly opens without registering who has sent it quite yet. Her eyes lazily skim over the words, but they focus when she reaches the signature. Nureus. Nureus. From a lifetime ago. She is quick to reread the letter- how could she have missed it? She'd recognise his handwriting anywhere- frantic in making sure she did not miss a single detail. He wants to see her, and soon, and he is allowing her the opportunity to say no.

Why would she ever say no?

The rest of the mail can be sorted through later, but for now, there is a more pressing matter. Nureus wants to see her, and she wants to see him. Everything is going to be so different, though. So much has happened since they saw each other last, since she was so madly in love with him. Since he broke her heart. That matters less, she thinks, and she is asking herself a hundred other questions- will he recognise her? She's older now, with fine lines on her face and silver in her hair. He doesn't know about her Empire, he doesn't know about how much time has passed for her, he doesn't know who she is now. How different will she be to him? Will he even want to see her? (In the back of her mind, she remembers how cruel he was when he wanted to be, remembers that she bears physical scars from his hands. Is this some sort of trap?) All of this is nerve-wracking, and she cannot help but pace as she makes her plans, and makes her decision that yes, she is going to see him.

It does not take long for her to get ready (there is the desire to make herself look her very best, to show him what he was missing) but she remains remarkably prepared. A pair of daggers strapped to her thighs underneath a knee length skirt, a buttoned-up blouse that was one popped button away from being a great distraction, long curls pulled into a half-up, half down look, with rather sharp hairpins tucked into it, a pretty face made up with long lashes and red lips, and the symbol of the Sufferer proudly displayed around her neck, along with the other pendants that mean just as much to her. With sword in scabbard, and scabbard looped around her belt, she gives her dear Dwayne a kiss for good luck, along with instructions on retrieving her if necessary, before sending herself to coordinates Nureus has given her.

She arrives in a flash, disorienting and electric as it always is, and for the first moment she does not open her eyes. A deep inhale, once, twice, then speaking, clear and steady-

"I received your letter, Nureus. I've come to see you, just like you asked."

callousguru

The coordinates led to a small, abandoned hive that Nureus temporarily settled in. His belongings were kept in a knapsack slumped against a wall, with the exception of a few beloved letters and notes he chose to haphazardly hang as decoration. The room was otherwise unchanged from how its former inhabitant had designed it. A recuperacoon sat unused in one corner, a simple desk in the other beneath a narrow window. Nureus sat at the desk, busying his mind with the writings of yet another essay.

An air of quiet grief surrounded him, one that has existed with him for longer than he can remember. It didn't hold the same violence that it once did, however. No new tragedies had befallen the troll for nearly six sweeps; he wouldn't allow anything close enough to him to invite such a thing. His turmoil calmed with age, and he found grief to be a loyal companion instead of an unwanted adversary. Unfortunately, avoiding strife does little to prepare one for the re-introduction of hardship. Inviting Advoca back into his life stirred emotions long dormant, and he feared their power over him if he didn't work to understand and eventually control them. Writing felt like an extension of his meditative practice, allowing him the opportunity to organize his thoughts into something productive instead of leaving them to swirl chaotically in his mind.

As he wrote, Nureus struggled to stay focused, his thoughts drifting back to his past failures time and again. Crumpled pages littered his feet with all of his failed attempts at parsing his feelings. Why did he reach out to her? What would he even say when she arrived -- if she arrives? He put his pen down momentarily, resting his head in his hands as he tried once again to center himself in this moment. He tried to focus on physical sensation, separating himself from his thoughts once more. How was he feeling?

He was exhausted. He struggled to sleep since he sent that letter, and, in an effort to sharpen his mind and reconnect with the universe, Nureus chose to begin one of his many fasts. His eyes felt heavy and his body ached. He scanned his body for any points of pain that existed and attempted to release these sensations when he heard the transportalizer whir to life, inviting a guest into the hive.

At first, he dared not move. Was this a welcome visitor, or a stranger come home to somebody squatting in their hive? Tension grew in his muscles as Nureus felt his body preparing for a fight. He was terrified of what might happen next. As he dared to steal a glance at the stranger in his home, Advoca was met first with joyful recognition, then sorrow.

She had aged.

They had both aged, sure, but what was six sweeps for Nureus was far more for Advoca. Seeing how she had changed echoed his absence. His neglect. His retreat into isolation suddenly stopped feeling noble and began to seem cowardly instead. Tears threatened to rise again as she spoke to him, and there was a moment of silence before he replied.

"Thank you, Advoca. Seeing you again is..." He trailed off, pausing as he collected his thoughts. "I've missed you. A thousand apologies would not be enough to express how much I regret my past actions. I was cruel to you, even when I thought I was doing you a service. I only hope I can make this up to you somehow."

#graviconscientia #narrative #long post #(( YYYYEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BABEY!!! ))#(( i feel like i just put this man in a meat suit opened the gate to a cage full of hungry wolves and said have at em boys ))

Good evening, all. I have found some time to make my way back online. I trust you all have been well.

Lately, I have been reflecting on the selection system for cullings in Alternian culture and what it means to be considered unfit for living. I may post an excerpt from my essay on the matter later. In the meantime, I am curious to know what has been on your minds.

Are there any matters with which you feel inclined to discuss?

#ic