( alex wolff. twenty-three. he/him. ) i think i just saw LINCOLN ROCKWOOD ride by on a golf cart . at least i think it was them . after all , OUTSKIRTS OF PARADISE BY BAD SUNS was blasting on the transistor radio . maybe they were on their way to work , i hear they’re a BALL PERSON FOR THE GOLF COURSE . but they totally could have been on their way to GET HIGH IN THE PARKING LOT ON BREAK . guess we’ll never know . you’ll definitely know its them when you see DIRTY LAUNDRY ON AN UNMADE BED, TANGLED KNOTS OF HEADPHONES, AND CELL PHONES FALLING OUT OF POCKETS around the country club . let’s just hope they stay off the green after hours or else the sprinklers will get them !
BIOGRAPHY
it’s safe to say that lincoln had fallen victim to the classic case of middle child syndrome. his family ( mainly his aunts and uncles ) often mentioning that he was the forgotten child during his elementary days, passing it off as a joke at reunion barbecues — though even he remembered getting lost in department stores where a clerk had to call for his parents on the overhead so that they could “ come and collect their kid “.
growing up in middle class suburbia was, as link would put it, like a wet, hot american summer. there were more cul-de-sacs than soccer mom minivans and more starbucks on every corner than there were fake tanning salons at the mall. the normal “ avoid eye contact with everybody “ as he passed people on the street always pairing well with the quick turn of the heel whenever he noticed one of his mom’s friends walking toward him, never mind them waving hello.
he was frequently trusted with his own devices while his younger sister had dance and piano lessons, and his older brother had practice for whatever sport was in season. all because link’s lack of hand-eye coordination wound him up with a concussion and a broken nose the one time his parents thought it’d be a good idea to sign him up for soccer — in short, instead of picking up another extracurricular, link made his dent on the living room couch. getting lost in old VHS tapes and blueray DVDs.
his love for film and anything pop culture only escalated as he got older, resulting in him being the funny guy who quoted too many movie references in what would otherwise be a normal conversation. sarcasm and dry wit etching themselves onto his tongue, dramatizing his character. allowing him to finally stand out from the rest, despite the eye rolls and facepalms he’d usually receive once he opened his mouth.
link relied on his comedic timing, having been labeled the “ forgotten one “ or the “ guy lacking ambition “ for long enough. almost going out of his way to break out of the cookie cutter mold he grew up in, never shying away from explaining the toxicity of football fanatics to his uncles or bringing up liberal comments in otherwise conservative settings. twisting his phrases comically, albeit a little condescendingly.
not that he tried to be the smartest one in the room. but he did have the tendency to throw in his two cents, most likely when it wasn’t warranted.
soon he was off to college where he changed his major four times in his first semester, just going through the motions of a dorm filled life until he eventually stumbled upon his favorite subject : popular culture. thinking the major involved continuous reruns of the bachelor or seinfeld. but thankfully, his mind was blown much further than that.
he was pretty pretentious whenever asked about what he was studying, his high brow mainly stemmed from believing his major was the superior of all majors. however, if asked about what he was going to do with it once he graduated, he’d more often than not veer the conversation in another direction and offer another hit of his joint.
now that he was officially a graduate, he still didn’t know what the heck he wanted to do as a career. shutting his laptop down every time he so much as browsed for jobs for ten minutes straight. always holed up in his room, content with ignoring adult responsibilities as well as his parent’s interrogating questions: how are your savings looking ? did you hear about your brother’s promotion ? ever thought about taking your brother’s advice & applying for a position at the country club ?
and sure, link’s desperate for a way out. but at the same time, he’s comfortable at home and it’s not like he has the right friends to challenge his status quo. instead they let him settle and constantly get high, listening to link talk about moving out one day, but never actively holding him to that.
catch lincoln collecting golf balls out on the golf course or moseying about the country club avoiding his every day duties. he’s usually got tangled headphones in with a joint tucked between his lips — just don’t tell his mom or dad about the latter part though.
HEADCANONS.
he has a hard time with complete silence, so he’ll be the first to talk in order to keep the momentum alive. though some of his friends think it’s just because he likes hearing the sound of his voice — which one, rude, and two, he just doesn’t deal with uncomfortable situations very well.
let me to you, this boy drops everything. his phone, drinks, full plates of food. he was gifted with butterfingers and has yet to realize that he shouldn’t be responsible for other people’s possessions because more likely than not, he won’t return the thing the way he found it.
he’s like a vacuum. he inhales his food. when he visits family, his mother always reprimands since she thinks he’s not enjoying what’s put on his plate. in reality, though, he has the munchies and just needs to eat all the things.
he wasn’t the greatest student. in fact, sometimes he was plain lazy when it came to doing his homework. but he got good averages and got lucky on tests, so it’s enough to make potential employers happy. or so he hopes.
if you look at his family and you look at link, you’ll wonder if the guy was dropped on his head as a kid because he’s like a black sheep. totally different ideals, can’t catch a ball to save his life, and the last time he tried grilling meat on the grill, he almost burned the backyard down — he’s now only allowed to toss together a salad at family barbecues.
this boy, this child, drinks way too much coffee / energy drinks. which is why his knee is constantly bouncing when he’s seated or he’s always shifting his weight when he’s standing. seriously, someone get him to drink something that’s not bean water. and beer doesn’t count !