I might be homeless soon, or worse.
I had a very difficult relationship with my mom, she demanded a lot from me without ever listened to my problems.
So, she got me an internship for this company, which I told her clear as day, that after going on two different internships for a year and two months, I really don't like working in an office space (I made PlsDQ to vent out that way)
Well, with this third internship, she demanded me to get the job in that company at all cost, or she will kick me out of the house. The internship lasts 3 months, July is when it'll be over, and I am 100% sure I won't get the job, because I am too slow and horrible at it.
I have been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for months now, I tried asking advices from friends and some told me to just "survive another day, don't think about it for now." while others said "You should just do what your mom told you, it will be easier that way."
The thing is, I've been blindly following her for years now, and yeah, it was nice and comfortable in the easy way, but I was never really happy. I kept thinking about how my life has no substance and it will forever be just a straight line down to the end of my life, that if it's how life works, then I should just end it all.
Was a bit disappointed at myself for not doing so sooner, because now, there's this problem, I'm having thoughts about just giving up again. This time, it's because I'm done being treated horribly by her, I thought, maybe if I just fucking die, then she'll learn her lesson and won't treat my siblings like how she treated me.
My choices now are: "Get kicked out in July" or "Just end it all now"
Not really good choices, I'd say.
I want to continue working on projects, because these visual novels are my whole life, my dreams honestly, but it's hard to work when her threats and my horrible thoughts kept stabbing my back constantly.
Yeah, that's all I wanted to say, since some people on Twitter has been noticing I have been venting A LOT.
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