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@camerasop
#CAMERASOP an independent, selective multi-muse blog featuring a selection of both canon and original characters from several pieces of media. literate and descriptive with potential for dark, mature, or otherwise suggestive themes. feel free to ask for discord. penned by rhi, twenty-five, she/her. dm for discord and/or twitter. interacts from main tumblr rylcndgrace.
#NAVIGATION carrd. thread tracker. #CREDITS psd, presto! by kaijucatrph.
A SOFT SMILE etches into otherwise perfect features, “ it is kind of beautiful, you're right. i was so scared of change in the beginning, but i came to love how being human is a forever changing thing. maybe finding a career is just another one of those forever changing things. ” maybe thinking about it in such a way could help barbie feel better about what lies ahead. perhaps then she'd be filled with far less anxiety over the whole thing. “ it does make me feel a lot better, actually. sometimes it feels like everyone else around me knows exactly how their lives are set to go. they know who they are & what they want. i feel like i am constantly playing catch up. ”
SUGAR NODS IN THAT ATTENTIVE WAY OF HERS. a forever changing thing. she can't think of a better way of describing life. nothing is ever static, constantly evolving and shifting. it makes her think of all the things she's seen in her near forty years of life with both of her brothers, with her mother, with the people she surrounds herself with and calls family. there has been so much change in her own life lately: losing michael, starting a restaurant, having a baby. it's scary, but it's good too. hindsight and all.
“some people are like that,” she concedes, her voice gentle in that motherly way. the smile on her face is lopsided, tender and understanding. “some people have everything figured out, but most of us don't. my dad couldn't ever make up his mind about what he wanted to do. my baby brother knew exacty what he wanted until he realized it's not what he wanted anymore.” she lets out a short sigh, smile evening out. “my point is that there's nobody to catch up to. it's not like you're running a race. you can do whatever you want to do and you can always change your mind.”
“ LONDON. ” THE WORD is parroted back, becka nodding along as if she understands. she's hoping it'll come to her, that the knowledge of such a place is buried deep in the recesses of her mind. geography was something she never quite learned in school. knowing about the world outside of gilead was never of importance for a young girl. especially when she became a plum. her only schoolwork was related to textiles, painting, music, marriage preparation & a rudimentary health class. she wasn't to be a commander, after all. what use would knowledge of the outside world be to her? she wasn't going to travel for work or act as a spokeswoman. “ pray forgive me, i don't know where that is. ”
does she sound as embarrassed as she felt? sometimes this new world made her feel incredibly stupid. it seemed like everyone around her was years ahead, they knew everything there was to know. “ i hail from gilead, pray obviously. ” there's a beat, “ maryland. ” she couldn't begin to recall a city or a street name. things of that nature weren't important to a young girl. “ i'm certain it must be quite far from california. i was with mayday for... ” she tries to go over it in her head. “ at least three days before i ended up in the refugee center. ”
SILLY HER, assuming that becka would know where london is. her lack of education (through no fault of her own, of course) was made abundantly clear to colt when he had taken in becka and then to jody herself when he'd told her about the new change in his life. she feels for the girl—how daunting this vast world of knowledge must seem, especially being raised in a society that makes it a point to not educate women simply upon the basis of them being unfortunate enough to have been born women.
she nods in understanding, trying to think of a way to explain it all away without a map or a globe. in the end, it doesn't seem that big of a deal, the visuals—for now, at least. they'll get becka in school eventually, get her on the right track so that she has the opportunities that had been withheld from her in gilead. it's important to jody to ensure that this comes to pass.
“you'd be right,” she offers in response to the assumption of distance between maryland and california. “they're on opposite sides of the country. it's a long trip to make, no matter how you got here. i'm sure you were exhausted.” she pauses a moment, humming in contemplation. “london, though… it's even further. there's a whole ocean between maryland and england, which is the country london is in.”
colt had been trying to give her all the space that she needed throughout the day. yesterday was … uneventful to say the least. he was scammed into this whole thing by a dumb lie from gail, what did he think he was doing believing gail? both her and ryder had been impossible for years on end now and colt was majorly starting to regret introducing them to one another. he embarrassed himself infront of everyone, infront of jody, made himself look a total fool because he followed her around like some sort of needy puppy.
and just when he thought that things couldn’t get any worse, gail smacked him with the real reason. it wasn’t just a ploy to get colt to cover for ryder, no, it was a ploy to find him dead or alive within the next couple days before this entire movie was done. she played it well— unfortunately. whenever someone dangles the possibility of jody forgiving him? he’ll do anything
not even twelve hours had passed since gail shipped him off to ryders apartment and now he was back on set, internally panicking about this whole thing and forcing dan to listen to him. jody couldn’t know. if she found out about any of this it was over. it’s already bad enough that she’s aware of ryder not showing up for the past couple days. he was spiralling a little, sweating in the awful sydney heat, ignoring the ache in his back and still coming down from whatever the hell ryders guys drugged him with. dan told him to leave jody out of it (he’s been talking about her non stop all morning, dans probably sick to death of it already)
he ignores those protests and makes an absolute beeline for jody when he catches her eye from one of the tents in the distance. the silence is … well, not great. but colt seems to have developed this thing where he can’t spit his words out whenever she’s around “oh— uhh, thanks” it’s awkward, so awkward. she sounds pissed, irritated at the very least. but she’s got every right to be so colt doesn’t utter another word until she does. his chest feels a little tighter than usual as he awkwardly fumbles around with a button on the end of his shirt “oh” that time it sounded a little kinder, more sincere, and not like god, colt why the hell are you here
“thanks, yeah. i’ve been— fine” it’s a lie, just like last night whenever he gave her that stupid thumbs up. colt has had just about the worst eighteen months of his life. things were starting to shape up a little towards the end, he got a job, worked on some cars and went through all the final stages of rehab and recovery. it was fine. that was about the best someone could call it. funnily enough? those eighteen months probably would’ve been a little easier had he just let jody in instead of stupidly pushing her and everyone else away
“could say the same about you. you’re doing— you look g—” oh, god. colt sighs, wishing that there was a wall nearby he could bang his head against. maybe it would put some sense in there “you’re doing very well. this whole director thing? it’s great, y’know i read the script and uh, it sounds good. i’m proud of you, i remember you talking about directing something one day” it’s a painful reminder of their past and colt doesn’t even know why he brought it up. all that it does is remind him about all of those nights they spent together after filming wrapped up, he’d take her to the beach or some restaurant and they’d talk all night long in the bed of his truck “and for the record it’s fun to work on. i know you didn’t want me here but, it’s cool. i would’ve wished for something like this”
SHE WANTS TO HATE HIM. god, jody wants to hate colt seavers so fucking badly. she's been swearing for the last year to anyone who will listen that she has never been so embarrassed in her life, having given so much of herself to him only to be ghosted like they're a couple of idiot college students instead of fully grown adults. really, she owes venti a bankrolled trip to somewhere like the bahamas or cancún with how much bitching and complaining she's done for the last twelve months.
but damn it all to hell. colt sounds so earnest and it makes her as sad as much as it makes her angry, as much as it makes her proud of the work she's doing. he's not wrong, of course; she used to talk his ear off about wanting to do this exact thing and back then, it was always a given that he'd be involved in some capacity. when he'd stopped talking to her, those dreams had faltered a little because what was the point of doing something without the supposed love of her life by her side, the very reason she'd really wanted to commit to those dreams and make them a reality.
metalstorm had been born out of a desire to get back at him, to process the heartbreak of being left behind by someone who seemingly no longer wanted her at all. it is no secret that the story between space cowboy and aliena really is just a rehashing of that so-called flingette that she shared with colt, especially after lambasting him the day before in front of the entire cast and crew—which she does feel somewhat bad about, cathartic as it had been in the heat of the moment.
she sighs, all low and slow and deep, her entire body moving with the inhale and then the exhale. “i know,” she says because she does know. he's always thrived on any set, but especially sets like these, over the top and dramatic and fantastical. besides, the character he's doing stunts for now was based off of him in the first place. it should have been him all along.
she shakes her head a little, feeling adrift in a tide that can't seem to make up its mind because she can't either. she wants to be angry, but all those residual feelings from a year and a half ago are kicking up a fuss, and so she's been swinging between upset at his arrival and ecstatic that for once this movie seems to be going in the actual right direction she wants it to go in. hall h, after all.
“i am… glad you're here, colt,” she continues, almost begrudingly, frustrated with herself and her emotions more than she is with him right now. it's not his fault that gail had outright lied to him just to get him here; it's not his fault that he's what this film needs, stupid as everything feels now. “seriously. i just… wish it was all under different circumstances.”
doing replies tonight before i play my dumb little video games and if i don't, you guys are allowed to beat me with hammers
my hands ITCH for the playstation controller... but i SHANT... i need to write... i must be patient...
all owed replies have been queued up we're SOOO back!! definitely making fandom specific promo posts and reposting some ask memes and maybe writing open starters this weekend (do not hold me to this though)
“ I'M SURE YOU'VE always been real smart, even before you could speak. you always had so much t'... ” a vague gesturing of their hands, “ say, y'know? i was tryin' t' keep up, but it ain't like no sign language i had eva' seen before. plus, you were always so fast. my brain don't move at that speed. i ain't a smart one like you, queen. ” & so the compliments continue to flow, smile remaining ever present. “ the normal part is interestin'. do y'like it? feelin' normal? ”
KIMIKO CAN'T HELP but feel a little bittersweet about it all. there's a freedom in being able to speak aloud, sure, but there was also freedom in not needing to answer to anyone she didn't feel like answering to. sometimes, it feels like things were easier when the only person who could communicate with her was frenchie. other times, she's glad she can, connecting in a way that she hadn't since she was a scared little kid.
“it has its perks,” she says flippantly, lifting one shoulder in a show of nonchalance. “doesn't always feel normal, but it's a good change. i like getting to talk to everyone now, like… i'm not always on the fringe of things, you know?”
doing replies tonight before i play my dumb little video games and if i don't, you guys are allowed to beat me with hammers
my hands ITCH for the playstation controller... but i SHANT... i need to write... i must be patient...
doing replies tonight before i play my dumb little video games and if i don't, you guys are allowed to beat me with hammers
WAS THIS THE vision colt had in mind this entire time upon electing to leave them alone together? them sharing secrets, infectious smiles well accompanied by the hushed tones. what was the goal here anyway? merely getting along well enough or actually beginning to bond? becka knew jody was of importance within colt's life, surely if she was as well, the goal was bonding. “ thanks. ” she'll elect to trust that the blonde will truly keep the secret. after all, why would she lie?
“ i think he needs to downsize on some things, but that's not really my place. ” at least his belongings didn't bleed into her space. that was all she could ask for really, right? having a space to herself was more than enough. “ sometimes, though, i think he must be super attached to everything in this place. ” did that everything include the two of them? “ i used to have a teddy bear i was very attached to, i snuck it into school until the aunts caught me. maybe it's like that? ”
cue a shrug of her shoulders, “ can i ask you a question? ” & so the conversation shifts, without a warning or a moment to process. “ from where do you hail? you don't... ” there's a pause, “ sound like he does. ”
JODY DOESN'T MIND THIS. in fact, she's ecstatic becauase for as long as she's known colt, she's known that he doesn't have many people in his life—nobody that he talks to or about, at the very least. she's always been worried about him in that regard. what does he do when she's not here? who takes care of him when she can't? it's not like dan is around all the time either and gail is no longer in their lives for obvious reasons. in a way, colt needs this pseudo-daughter as much as she needs him, jody thinks. even if this wasn't part of their long-term plan, she likes it, likes that she has another person to care for and to learn from and to lovingly make fun of colt with.
“no, i suppose i don't,” she says, an amused lilt to her voice. the accent is strong, hard to ignore. it's not often that someone asks where she's from though; most people just look her up on wikipedia for specifics or are simply generally aware of where she's from. it doesn't bother her in the slightest. she likes getting to talk about her home, where she spends most of her time. “i'm from london.”
• I heard you're doing well. I'm glad. I mean that. / uh uh uh coltjody before they make up ????
TOM RYDER IS, OF COURSE, NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. it's a predicament, really, the fact that he's gone of the grid like this. jody knows she should be used to it by now because they've worked together for several years and he's always been flaky, always been disrespectful of everyone's time and money and patience, but for crying out loud, this is her directorial debut and he's bunking it up by being a no show for days.
but what irks her right now in this moment isn't the fact that the star of her first ever movie isn't here (and neither is his stunt double, for that matter). it's the fact that the new stunt guy they brought in to cover is colt seavers, the guy who she was head over heels for and who ghosted her completely after he had a nearly career ending injury a year and a half ago. she'd resigned herself to never seeing him again, mostly because he'd left the industry entirely after his accident, but also because she was nothing if not a notorious grudge holder.
his first day on set has been a terrible surprise and she's gotten back at him by practically lambasting him in front of the entire crew, airing out their business, and by making him do the same stunt more times than she cares to count. it's cathartic, but even so, she feels terrible now, a few hours later. it was reckless, considering his back injury, which she knows must still bother him because things like that just don't go away magically.
she looks at him now, watches him rehearse this next scene with dan. he's all done up in his space cowboy outfit, rough and tumbled, perfectly, handsomely disheveled. everything is so confusing because she wants to be mad at him, she is mad at him, but her heart aches for him and for what they used to have. she wants it all back, wants to turn back the clock and convince him to not leave her high and dry for twelve entire months.
she lets out a breath when she blinks herself out of her thoughts and realizes he's walking her way, gliding into the shade, reaching for water. there's this moment that lingers in limbo, quiet and tense and uncertain, and she angles herself away from him, pretends to busy herself with whatever she can get her hands on.
“i heard you're doing well, by the way,” she says when the silence just grates too much on her nerves, her voice tight. “i'm glad.” it doesn't sound convincing at all and she has to roll her shoulders back, straighten her spine, convince herself to let go of all of this confusion for just two little seconds. “i mean that.”
i really gotta get around to making specific promo posts for all of my different muses and their media YEESH... this is a tonight problem i do believe
“ Y'KNOW, I THINK it's real swell that you're learnin' how t' talk now, @camerasop. it's real admirable, english is a supa' hard language t' learn apparently. ” they sit opposite kimiko, knees drawn to their chest. “ i ain't neva' tried t' learn anotha' language before, been speakin' this my whole life. i mean, shit, even then i don't think i really talk properly. i can't imagine how hard it is. ”
“IT'S DIFFERENT," kimiko says, taking care to form her mouth around these words that are still so very new to her. it had been so long since she last spoke that it's really a miracle that her voice even still works at all, but she's glad it does. to be able to speak freely with people, to no longer rely on frenchie to translate her sign language—it's the kind of thing she never thought she'd be able to do, but here she is, doing it anyway.
“worth it though,” she continues, shifting in her seat, the toes of her shoes scuffing absently at the floor. “it makes me feel… smart, i think. normal.”
“ IT'S WEIRD, THIS whole choosing a job thing. in barbieland, everyone just sort of knew what they were made for. they knew what their purpose was & what they were supposed to be. ” how @camerasop managed to get roped into this conversation is beyond the blonde. barbie merely just kept talking, a stream of consciousness with no apparent end. “ i was stereotypical barbie, i wasn't supposed to have a job. i never knew what i was good at or what i should do. now i have to choose something? it's overwhelming! ”
SUGAR IS MORE THAN HAPPY to let the blonde woman ramble. it's a stressful thing after all, figuring out life, and she knows it more than most. she's been surrounded by it her entire life, by people who don't know what to do or even what makes them happy. she's seen it in nearly everyone she has ever loved, she's watched them find the thing and fall out of love with it. it's a blessing as much as it's a curse, being granted this clean slate and the opportunity to find one's self. the world is so expansive, so limitless, which makes it feel so small sometimes.
“i get what you mean,” natalie offers when barbie's storm of words have come to a close. the older blonde smiles in that simple, sweet way she always has, empathetic to a detrimental degree, with big soft eyes and the kind of patience that being a mother has taught her. “it's scary, but… it's also kind of beautiful, don't you think? you get to explore all of these new options and find out what makes you happy.” she lets out a soft breath, her head tipping slightly to the side. “if it makes you feel better, most people in the real world don't have it all figured out either, which really makes you just as human as the rest of us.”
IT'S HARD TO maintain a smile as she thinks about her mother, a frown settling upon soft features. what she wouldn't give to see the woman again. how could becka ever repair her for the sacrifice she made? ( "maybe you still can." ) “ huh? ” her attention returns to jody, pulled from the thoughts that bounced endlessly within her brain. “ what do you mean? ” as she speaks of colt's plants, the smile returns with a vengeance. there's a hint of something behind it, some sense of knowing.
becka nods, a small laugh coming forth. “ i know he does. ” she leans in ever so slightly, voice dipping to just above a whisper. as if someone else would be listening in, as if this was some grand secret. “ i've been exploring. ” eyes dart around the room, an unspoken reference to where they sit. “ when i can't sleep, i will walk the entire apartment & see what i can find. this place is so small, it's easy to do. ” not that she didn't appreciate having a roof over her head! it was just she had grown so accustomed to her gilead home.
“ he has so many things, so much... ” junk. that was the word she was searching for that doesn't seem to come forth. “ i don't even know. some of it i had never seen before, it just doesn't exist in gilead. ” is it obvious, the sense of fascination within her tone? “ promise you won't tell him? ”
JODY HAS SPENT a lot of time in this apartment. even before they got really serious, she stayed here when she was working on a film in the city. back then, she'd told herself that it was mostly to save costs; if she didn't have to spend money on a hotel or on temporary lodgings, the better off she felt. colt, of course, made it feel like home, wanted her to feel comfortable here. there was always her favorite snacks in the cupboard, drinks in the fridge, preferred coffee grounds in a specific tin with her name on it in his strange, messy penmanship.
and she remembers doing the same thing that becka just admitted to in that conspiratorial little tone of hers. colt was an open book as much as anybody could be, but she still liked wandering at night when he was dead to the world and she couldn't sleep. she liked seeing the pieces of him that he hadn't yet divulged, tucking each of them into the clutch of her heart, holding them close: plants, pet fish, a film collection that made her own look scarce and sparse in comparison. she's glad that someone else is getting to know him in the same way.
“your secret is safe with me,” she says, her own voice dipping into that secretive tone, the kind that only ever exists between women. she smiles too, glad to be headed in the right direction.
“ OH, THE CELLO! ” at this she seems to light up entirely. music was right up becka's alley. now this was a conversation she understood completely! maybe if they stuck to topics like this, it would never be confusing again. “ i have a friend who plays the cello! i was always more partial to the hammered dulcimer myself. the aunts let us pick whatever instruments we wanted during music class. that one seemed like the most interesting to me. ” that counted on the list of things she did for fun, right?
there's a moment where becka is quiet, trying to recall every activity she had enjoyed within school. “ i like embroidery. i always did well when we had projects to present. painting was fun when we were pinks, but it was more scrutinized as we became plums. ” her love for that form of art quickly diminished following the first harsh review of her painting. “ sometimes i like to help my mother in the garden. ” a pause, thought halted. “ liked, i liked to help. ” an impossible task given her mother's execution. “ i suppose i would've had one of my own one day. ”
HOW HARD IT MUST BE, being away from all of that, of not having the security of what you once thought you would have eventually. jody can understand all that, remembers that feeling of unmooring when colt first ghosted her; in the middle of all of that, she'd really thought they'd end up together with the house and the dog and the growing old together. she remembers the hurt when the idea of it seemed to stop existing for a while and the relief when it came back.
"maybe you still can," she offers in a bid for comfort, happy to have this familiar thread of topic. things are finally moving, finally feeling like things are okay between the two of them, different as they may be. colt will be glad to hear about this whenever he gets home. "colt has a thing for plants. i'm sure he wouldn't mind the help. it's not the exact same as a garden, but... it could be a start."
QUIET IS SHE, nodding along as the other speaks. the girl can not help but to crack a smile, watching as jody lights up talking about her work. it must be fun, to spend your life doing something you love. “ stressful? that doesn't sound fun. hopefully it isn't like that all the time. ” by his hand. “ set... that's where the movies are filmed, right? colt said that's how you two met. ” the details of the story seemed a little withheld, from what becka recalls. perhaps purposefully, though she elected not to pry further. maybe it was better if she didn't know everything.
“ i'm sure it must be really special. ” she's trying to picture it, but failing miserably. if she's lucky, maybe she'll see a film set one day. “ do you have other hobbies? or something else you're very passionate about? ” this was good, she was getting to know the other. “ instruments or the arts? ”
HEAVY IS THE HEART, that's how the saying goes. jody can't wrap her head around the idea that some people haven't (or can't in becka's case) found the thing they're meant to be doing. film has always been a part of jody's life, ever since childhood. she can't imagine a life without it and yet here sits this sheltered, repressed girl finally living for the first time. something about it makes her heart ache, a heavy feeling in her chest. in a moment of clarity, she understands why colt has been so adamant about keeping this girl in his care, of being a good steward of her life in this outside world. there's something protective about it, wanting to give her the kind of life that jody's been blessed enough to have.
she nods in response to every question, a contemplative thing, slow and thoughtful. "film is kind of my whole life, really, now that i think about it," she says with a breath after a moment of consideration. "i did play the cello when i was younger though." she pauses, studying the girl with her neatly pressed clothes and hair without a strand out of place. "how about you though? is there anything that you like to do for fun?"
A NOD IN response, “ by god's grace. ” right, that was the weather out of the way. what else was there to talk about? fingers run along the continuous pleats of her skirt, avoiding eye contact. maybe if they sat here in silence for long enough, talking all together would seem pointless. becka knows she's supposed to be making an effort here. after all, colt loved this woman, right? that's what he had said the first time he ever mentioned her. doesn't becka owe it to him to actually put in more of an effort?
he had been so gracious as to accept her into his home & care for her thus far. the least becka could do was try to adapt. head lifts, chestnut hues locking upon jody's own once more. “ your work is with movies, right? ” it's still odd to her, a woman working who wasn't an aunt or a martha. any jobs held in gilead were strictly for men. the freedoms women had here were like a complete shellshock. “ pray forgive me, i haven't seen many movies. ” she & colt were working on that, slowly but surely. “ is it fun? ”
THIS IS MORE HER SPEED, talking movies. and even beyond that, it's immediately evident to jody that this is a more substantial attempt from becka to move beyond the trivial niceties and really get to know one another. in her haste to try and rush this process herself, she's forgotten that all of the things she's used to are entirely new for becka. this is a new environment, a new life, a new world stretching itself before her. it must be overwhelming, scary even, trying so hard to understand but never truly grasping it, feeling as well as knowing that everyone around her is years and leagues ahead of her in terms of experience.
jody smiles then, a real one this time, the kind that meets no resistance as it tugs at her features. she softens too, apologetic for being so awkward and unsure around this new fixture in her life with colt. "it is, yeah," she answers, more casually this time, looser. "it can be kind of stressful sometimes." (like your stunt guy getting framed for murder and then nearly killed—several times, though she doesn't mention this.) "but it's fun to be on a set and watch everything come to life. there's nothing like it."
