When you criticize Taylor Swift being a silence breaker on the cover of Time magazine, you are minimizing my sexual assault.
When you criticize Taylor Swift being a silence breaker on the cover of Time magazine, you are minimizing my sexual assault.
It's sick that the trauma I experienced from my assault was more from dealing with the aftermath than the actual assault itself. A classmate (who I had issues with) walked up to me and grabbed my breast and then patted it a few times before saying "just wanted to see if your sweatshirt was as soft as it looked" and then walked off. In that moment I was frozen. I had always imagined that if something ever happened to me, I would make a scene. I would yell. I would draw attention. But I sat frozen in shock. I was in a full classroom but no one seemed to have noticed. I finally said something to a friend and she nervously chuckled (she would later tell me I was overreacting and that it wasn't assault). As I sat in class my anger grew. I went home that evening and felt sick and so upset. The next day I reported what happened to my program directors. They proceeded to tell me that they would set up a meeting between the two of us and I could tell him what he did was wrong. They wanted me to face him - and they would just sit back and not do anything. I was furious. And so upset. They were going to let him just get away with it. So I went to the police. When taking down my statement, one policeman was so outraged about what had happened and how my program directors had reacted that he became visibly angry with his face turning red. He turned to my father who came with me as moral support and said "I have a daughter. I can't imagine how angry you are right now". They asked me if I wanted to press charges, and I did - although I knew nothing would come of it. They asked if anyone could backup my story. I told them about the friend I had told.
When I walked into class the next day, I was shaking and terrified. The police were there and told me they had spoken to my friend and that she said nothing happened and that I never told her anything. They told me the guy denied it. They told me they would follow up with me. They never did.
I walked back into the classroom with all eyes on me. My group of friends stared at me with disgust. They proceeded to ask me why I would go to the police. They told me it wasn't assault or harassment. They told me I was overreacting. They told me that at least I wasn't raped. They laughed at me. And then they went silent. And never spoke one word to me ever again. Few people did. I sat in that classroom with tears streaming down my face. I tried to catch them all with my sleeve to hide my pain so I wouldn't seem weak. And I just heard the words in my head repeat "this is why women don't report it. This is why".
In the years that followed, I didn't realize how much that experience affected me beyond the obvious. I still knew what happened to me was assault and wrong. But I found myself being silent about it. Or if I spoke saying "well it's not that bad" or "I shouldn't speak since I was only assaulted and not raped". The words that were said to me, became my reality.
I remember when I heard about what happened to Taylor. I felt sick for her. I knew how violating that felt. And then when I heard about her having to go to court, I felt even worse for her. The questions she and her family were subjected to were disgusting. They way so many in the media and on social media said she was overreacting to being groped, brought it all back to me. But Taylor stayed poised. And took it to them while on the stand.
When Taylor won her countersuit, I cried. Because for the first time, my assault had been legitimized. For once I had something over the people who told me that I was overreacting and that "it wasn't like you were raped or anything". The people who abandoned me. The people who left me crying in a classroom thinking in my head "this is why people don't report sexual assault and rape".
Taylor has always meant so much to me. But this was more. Because of her, I felt like I was legitimate. That I had been correct. That I had done the right thing. She made me feel vindicated and free.
When I woke up this morning to the news of the Time Person Of The Year being the silence breakers, I had chills. Finally women are being believed. And when I saw Taylor on the cover and read her article, I cried again but I also smiled because this was progress.
I then made the mistake of going on twitter and seeing the backlash. And I felt sick and heartbroken. And downright angry. Yes there are others who deserved to be on the cover, but this isn't about who's story is better or who is more famous or anything. This is about our stories and the awful things that have happened to us. I saw Taylor criticized for her words, when those same people were shaming her last week for not tweeting about #MeToo. I saw people attacking Taylor for every reason, as if something you don't like about her is a reason to not understand or believe her story. And worst of all, I saw people saying that she wasn't assaulted. That she was just groped and needed to get over it. And then all those feelings came back. Because you see, these people may think they are criticizing Taylor but they are also attacking people like me.
You don't get to pick and choose which victims you believe because of which celebrities you like. You don't get to pick and choose which victims you believe because some assaults are more severe than others. And you don't get to criticize a person who is bravely sharing their story and then praise others. That's not how it works. Things only start to change when we all stand together.
Thank you Taylor for helping me through my assault. And Congratulations. You deserve that cover just as much as everyone else. ❤️
