wishful thinking @camillaoerbek - Tumblr Blog

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My choice of men have always been wrong. I always choose the same kinds, same look and same attitude. The few I've been with have always treated me like I was absolutely nothing, and they always made me feel like I was competing with other girls. Their words was always the same, "it's you I want". But they never mixed their words with actions. Maybe it's my choice of men who let me to a stage years ago where I gave up on love. Made me believe I was nothing, worthless and most of all gave me an idea of how all men truly are deep inside. I don't have a dream of a family one day. Only because I simply cannot see myself with a man. I can only imagine myself alone with kids, dogs or whatever. I choose to give up on finding someone who was the opposite of these men. But one day. Years after years. I fell in love with someone who was the opposite of these men I have always chosen. He made me feel worth, happy and gave me a hope of how love could be. But months after months, he slowly begin to act like the old ones who damaged me. The same words, the same actions, the same feelings. It all came back. And all again, it makes me believe that they are all the same. Am I so stupid? Am I really this unlucky? This makes my stomach hurt so badly. I cry. I cannot sleep. I feel so wrong, so unhappy and so lost. My choice of men ruins me, my future and my dreams. Making me never believe in them, never wanted to give them a chance and never give them a part of my life. It is so sad, that in my world. They are all the same.