After my night under the glass table while ball bearings get dropped onto it, aka sleeping in a van in the rain, I was looking forward to a great nights sleep. Everything was in place. The rain gods were playing further north, the kids were in bed by 11.45 and my bed looked high. This was due to an upgrade with my 'Thermarest Dulux' marriage to 'Fat Eric'. Fat Eric is 7 cm of pure inflatable and put underneath my usual one I have now surpassed the Princess with the Pea to Queen and the grain of rice. In truth Fat Eric came along with us so that Kal could use it in the tent but five days in, and a surprise period arriving, I decided to swap Fat Eric from Kal's tent with 'the shit black one' (the name says it's status so I don't need to describe it). I confessed later to give us time to swap it back but Kal knew I was going to do it and had a 20 tog winter duvet to sleep on, so was fine.
Anyway, I was delighted to get into bed, just me and the Moral Maze podcast about Privaledge: which had put me to sleep for the past few nights so I was always listening to the same bit, then I heard a helicopter whizz past my ear. Now, we are near water here and have noticed that the mosquitos have a specially advanced killer instinct, biting through clothes and getting to parts of the body saved for intimacy. I knew it was a mozzie, I turned the light on, shielding it from the kids, and looked. Nothing could I see save a fly looking down at me from the veneer of the cupboards above. I wondered if the fly liked the mozzie, maybe he was just here to watch, either way I was waiting for the mozzie but nothing came. After ten minutes I turned the light off and resumed the podcast as a man who passionately believes in opportunity for all is ripped to shreds by Melanie Phillips. Within a minute I get dive bombed, right by my ear, I swat with my hands and turn the light on again. With a little less compassion I search for the mozzie, but all I see is the fly, now on the ceiling. Is he giving me a clue where to look? I search but find nothing. Light off and back to the problems of new babies being born into the royal family. This time within seconds it comes and lands on my ear, really loud and very persistent, light on and I see the fly's backside disappear above Minna's bed. Why oh why does a fly want to get to my ear? I wait, but it stays away. It is now 12.30 and I plug in my wax earplugs that can keep out a military band and turn the light off, after all, a fly won't bite me so sleep is on it's way.
Ten minutes later the fly is in my hair, the noise comes straight through the ear plugs and I decide that this fly must have a message for me. This is no ordinary insect, it is a reincarnation and I need to listen, remember I have been up all night the previous night, magic is easier to accept when so exhausted. So for the next twenty minutes I try and talk to the fly, it sits from various angles looking at me but gives nothing away and then I snap, I grab a book, and a newspaper and attempt to get it out of the door risking letting the 404 mozzies who are outside waiting to come it. The fly is not leaving and lands near the children's noses and all the lights are now fully on as they sleep blissfully unaware of their mother bouncing around the van in her birthday suit waging war on a tiny insect. It gets more daring and flies into my hair taunting me with it's agility.
However I am getting nowhere, the fly continues to do what it does best, fly. I try a new tack, turning all the lights off and turn the bathroom light on only, I wait for it to come, with my back against the wall, as if it doesn't know I am there, it doesn't come, it is not playing. I see the Avon deluxe body spray that is known for it's mozzie repellant effect, I grab it and go out. The fly is above Harri's head, I spray anyway, it is 1.45 now and war has casualties. The fly escapes and Harri coughs as he turns over. I go back into the bathroom, grab the jungle formula mozzie spray and go back onto the front line with two hands full. I find him, I use both sprays, I am Clint Eastwood, I will win, he flies off. I listen and then feel something on my leg, he is on my ankle begging for mercy, I spray myself stupid, pick him up in some loo roll and put him in the bin.
I go to sleep about 2am, tired, slightly guilty, the van stinking of Avon's best selling product, the children’s lung's recovering, but fly free and sleep until 7am when I am awoken by another helicopter landing on my forehead.
We leave Villars de Dombe, not really wanting to go, we could easily spend more time with Hilary & John and head to Robs. We got of the campsite at 12:30. (just). We were driving for about 2 hours and had lunch on our way outside a market and got stuff for curry as it was Eid. We arrived at 2:30 all hot and sticky we were met out side there house by rob, (the dad) oscar (the big brother who was 8) and marnie ( the big sister who was 7) we went in side the big house we had a long tour of the very BIG house the kids stopped the tour and ran to the van to change they came back out of the van wearing there swimming stuff they ran out to the huge garden and jumped in to th e SWIMMING POOL Harri and Minna were having the time of there lives big. house and a pool, and fab playmates.
Khalid cooks curry for all, as it is Eid after all! Goes down very well and we have a view of the mountains as we eat..
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