funny pics from german shop : )

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@campervanning
funny pics from german shop : )
here they are oscar pic no 1,marnie pic no 2 and 4 and honor pic no 3.
Camping in Belgium
Saturday 17th
A day of swimming, forest play, booking the Eurochunnel home for tuesday and gathering info about our last leg, Brussels, we are warming totally to this site, apart from the club down the valley that starts at 11.30pm (which I am hearing now, really hearing and people are having a very good time, these Belgians know how to partay) The kids did archery and shooting this morning, which they both enjoyed.
Sunday 18th
Now we are sitting in the bar loading this up, kids with hot chocolate and Kal waiting for us. Cliff Richard plays on the speakers in the dark brown red curtained bar. SO we are off to stay in a Youth Hostel in the centre of Brussels which has a room for 4 and a space for the van where Kal or I will sleep in. Then that's it, two days in Brussels, fingers crossed we get to an Art Museum today as we have Monday in brussels, the day all the museums are shut..
The birds
Crow 1: Caw!
Crow 2: Caw caw!
Crow 1: Caw caw cawcawcaw!
Mum: SHUT UP!
Crows and pizza
Friday 16th
The crows were up very early testing Kal's patience in the tent, but there was no road noise, but the disco in the bottom of the valley started at 11 – 2.. luckily he sleeps well.
The sun was out, the pool was huge, the surroundings lovely. We went for a 5km walk through the forest, it was beautiful but required a lot of SFB's in the form of chocolate to keep the moaning to a minimum. Then, at last, we had pizza and Minna put a record amount of chips into her mouth. The day before, unbeknowst to us, was National Belgium Day. That was why everyone was going bonkers and Michel Grootman a national hero! The campsite calmed down a little, we were avoiding the evenings in the bar anyway just in case. Though a few miles from the French border, in the French speaking part of Belgium, this site was Dutch, all the staff were Dutch and most of the clients, no English seen at all, no instructions in English which was good for the kids and kept us on our toes.
Germany, France, Luxembourg, Belgium.
Thursday 15th
Kal looked 'well hard' with his stitches and we would send him first if in conflict. However, time running out we have to move on and cover about 750 miles in two goes, so we made a decision, hit the Ardennes region. The only stipulation is to get a site where we can cycle from with a pool. Well, you would think that was easy but in the band that was halfway to Calais, including Luxembourg, Germany and Belgium it was not!
But we took off once again with a few campsites to choose from depending on the time it took to get there.
It was a fabulous drive through the Alsace Lorraine, with multicoloured houses and pretty towns. One of the towns we passed through had gaffer tape across it's name on the signposts, it turned out to have a main road which was in fact torn up and they were having a street party on it, it was a hot day and they looked very happy to see drivers with their sat nav's being turned away and not trundling down their main street.
We got near the campsite at 7.45pm, we had covered about 280 miles. It was described as 'by a river near a town'. The town had every bar open and was rammed, there was loud techno playing and lots of short skirts and baseball hats, the campsite was down a steep hill (there goes the cycling) and lined with static mobile homes on their sides with 2m between them rammed into land by a river. The place was heaving, there was much tanning by the pool going on, once again without asking if there was space this time, they agreed to move on. Luckily with 'Skullduggery Pleasant' story to listen to and promise of pizza when we arrived, everyone was happy.
We arrived at Camping Bertrix at 8.45pm, to a bar full of waiters dressed as Disney characters carrying ice cream sundaes with fireworks on top, a pumping sound system and 'Michel Grootman' starring at the caberet. It was our only option, we were staying, we chose a pitch at the west edge of the site and unpacked quickly.
It was our first family meal out, this holiday has not had the budget for food out but tonight, after an 8 hour trip, it was needed. We ran to the bar and watched the food fly past us, sadly they closed at 9, and although it was 8.57 they were too busy to play ball. Eggs, beans and mash it was back at the ranch, with extra fried onion with a sunset, bloody lovely it was too.
Sun, swimming and stitches...
Wednesday 14th.
The sun is shining here in Germany so we stay another day, we take off in the van to Titisee, don't snigger, a lake in the black forest, the gorgeous and Grimms fairy talesque Black Forest. The journey was lovely, the lake totally gorgeous with tacky cuckoo shops all round. We found a huge swimming complex that had huge water slides for the kids and a 'wellness' centre for over 16yrs old. This had in it 4 pools with minerals, steam, sauna, jacuzzi, so Lucy was made up. They all went through together to the 'Galaxy' area, a warehouse full of waterslides, wave machines, and an area within it that sold burgers and chips, really, people sitting around in their cossies with Ketchup around their mouths. The noise was like, well, you imagine, the queue took 20 mins outside, it was rammed. So Lucy took her crochet and left Kal to slide away with the kids and stepped into 'the Palm Oasis'. Oh Dear God, at 47 you would have thought that Lucy would have stopped believing the marketing she so despises but she had believed the hype. She thought, Germany, Land of Muesli and birkenstocks, this wellness centre will be fantastic, the real deal. Well, it was a huge glass domed 33' pool, great views of the forest, with a bar in it, a cocktail bar, with people getting plastered and ice cream being served at the sides. Like the chips in the kids area, there was just something wrong about it. There were cream loungers fighting for breath around the edges and people asleep on them. The mineral pools were nice but there seemed a lot of couples sitting on each others laps, stay at home! There was a third level you could pay more for, a sauna area, she decided against it, that and going through to the 'nudist' area. She tried the Aqua aerobics in the pool which turned out to literally be patting your head with one hand and circling your tummy with the other and lasted 15 mins, so she crocheted a granny square and ignored the looks she got from the teenagers splayed on their loungers.
Back in the Galaxy area she joined the kids, going down two slides with Minna, the last one in a two holed ring, with Kal behind them on a single ring. The tube was green inside and flashing, and as you went down your body went from side to side, Minna was screaming with laughter, Lucy was, well, screaming. If there was a test for epilepsy this was it, and though she passed she had to close her eyes. At the end they landed in a pool of shallow water, Min jumped out and Lucy went over, she could hear Kal coming behind them, she scrabbled to get out, grabbing the ring just in time to see Kal shoot out, tip over and bash his head, blood pouring down the side of his head and onto the rings. Minna instantly burst into tears, Lucy tried to get the rings out, Kal, dripping onto the floor went to a guard who in a well worn move showed him to the first aid man.
Within the hour they were in the local Dr's room. Kids had pasta and pesto in the van as it was 9pm by now, while Kal had some stitches put in. He said it didn't hurt but we think he was being brave! We got into the campsite with 5 minutes to spare before they closed the barrier at 9.55pm and NO, they would not have opened it for us if we had been late, we asked.
Minna hates buses...
Tuesday 13
Kal and the kids get a bus into town for a shop, they come back with chocolate and, shock of shocks, the bus does not show up to bring them back. What? This is not the organised Germany we know and love? Lucy plans the next step of the holiday with an intermittent wifi that has her sitting like a ponce with the Laptop in the corner of a field to get reception.
Kids go into the solar powered pool, Lucy crochets another Granny square (thus doubling her booty) and Khalid is on cooking duty, don't say 'Ahhh', he enjoys it!
WAHOO, GENEVA!
Into Germany
Monday 12th
We leave Rob and Bethans with heavy hearts. They are a lovely family living in a huge house with a swimming pool, surrounded by views, what is not to like? Honor decided Harri was her boyfriend and proceeded to follow him to the toilet and stand outside the door while he had a pooh “Harri?” “yes Honor” “Are you going to be long? you are my boyfriend you know?” “I know Honor” “So when you come out you will come down to the pool and play a game with me?” “OK Honor” “Ok Harri” Silence for a few minutes. “Harri?” “Yes Honor” “Are you going to be long?”....
Rob and Bethan only moved 2 weeks ago from Hackney and much is on their minds, they put up with us for four night and though the kids really did not want to leave it was time to go. Staying anywhere for less than three nights is not great as it is at least two hours to unpack and three to pack up.
We have decided to forgo Switzerland, it is heading south when really we need to go north and Kal would like to stay in one place for a long time rather than keep moving, which is fair enough as he has been spending his days this year on the road even if it with a load of antiques the pace is still pretty full on, so Lucy will have to come back to the mountains another time.
We had four campsites to choose from all in Germany, once on the road we begin to call them. Well, again, we are scuppered a little, the first one is a 'nudie' campsite. Now, personally speaking I think everyone should be fine about hanging around without clothes on, it removes barriers and is not at all sexual (the opposite I think) but for me it is about sitting on chairs that is where the issues come up for me. Needless to say the rest of the family were not interested at all, two campsites were full so off to Lug Ins Land just south of Friesburg we go. It is a large site and we get chauffaured around in a golf cart to pick a spot, heaven for the kids. There is however a barrier, language, nothing is in english and my german is non existent so sadly we miss out on some free activities but we have a lovely view of the sunset so all is good.
up the mountain
Up, up, up...
sun 11th
Chamonix for the day, it is only 80 mins from Robs, so we all pile in the van and get there to get tickets up the Aguile Du Midi and extra to go to the glacier over to Italy, total cost £208, how exciting. After a 2 hour queue we get a 2 part cable car up, all fine halfway, and the views are spectacular with snowy mountains all around. The 2nd cable car is full of surprise jolts and stomach leaving swings, all great until the last bit and Minna goes pale, we grab plastic bags. We have gone from 500m up to 3900m in 20 mins, her body is not in favour. We get out and go straight into the sick room, then Lucy feels crap, her stomach is churning and body feels like cartwheeling. We are given an option, if we get out and attempt the next bit of the the journey (a 50 min round trip over the glacier) we have to wait 2.5 hours until we go down, as Kal looks into the sick room as Minna lies with her feet up and Lucy is rocking like a nutter he knows this will never happen. We all have a quick look at the gorgeous views as Lucy goes to the loo (while someone vomits in the next cubicle) and then they opt to go down and miss the rest of the journey.
As we descent Minna is sick into a leaky plastic bag, we get out halfway and spend a few hours there. Min feels better but not enough to walk, the rest of us do a spectacular albeit short walk to a blue lake, Lucy is in heaven walking along the flat mountain paths with the white views, mist and clouds which change every second. Harri and Kal walk up to touch some snow but don't bring any home. We descend and Minna instantly feels better.
Back to Robs where the kids jump in the pool and return to Monopoly.
Days 2 and 3 at THE HOUSE
friday 9th
Robs house, hang out, kids swim and play Monopoly ALOT. Adults eat and play cards..
sat 10th
We all swim in the clear blue lake geneva during the day, lovely except Lucy was sure that the weeds that tickled her tummy while she swam were going to suck her in! Geneva is clean, tidy and full of the best things but I did see two pieces of litter while I was there so it's standards are obviously slipping (blame the immigrants, I think they do). There is a zip wire that takes you into the Lake which Kal, Rob and Harri do as the girls look on. Meanwhile we are still trying to work out where to go next as we are due to leave the next day..
LOVE DAT GARDEN!
Mum gets no sleep
Thursday 8th
After my night under the glass table while ball bearings get dropped onto it, aka sleeping in a van in the rain, I was looking forward to a great nights sleep. Everything was in place. The rain gods were playing further north, the kids were in bed by 11.45 and my bed looked high. This was due to an upgrade with my 'Thermarest Dulux' marriage to 'Fat Eric'. Fat Eric is 7 cm of pure inflatable and put underneath my usual one I have now surpassed the Princess with the Pea to Queen and the grain of rice. In truth Fat Eric came along with us so that Kal could use it in the tent but five days in, and a surprise period arriving, I decided to swap Fat Eric from Kal's tent with 'the shit black one' (the name says it's status so I don't need to describe it). I confessed later to give us time to swap it back but Kal knew I was going to do it and had a 20 tog winter duvet to sleep on, so was fine.
Anyway, I was delighted to get into bed, just me and the Moral Maze podcast about Privaledge: which had put me to sleep for the past few nights so I was always listening to the same bit, then I heard a helicopter whizz past my ear. Now, we are near water here and have noticed that the mosquitos have a specially advanced killer instinct, biting through clothes and getting to parts of the body saved for intimacy. I knew it was a mozzie, I turned the light on, shielding it from the kids, and looked. Nothing could I see save a fly looking down at me from the veneer of the cupboards above. I wondered if the fly liked the mozzie, maybe he was just here to watch, either way I was waiting for the mozzie but nothing came. After ten minutes I turned the light off and resumed the podcast as a man who passionately believes in opportunity for all is ripped to shreds by Melanie Phillips. Within a minute I get dive bombed, right by my ear, I swat with my hands and turn the light on again. With a little less compassion I search for the mozzie, but all I see is the fly, now on the ceiling. Is he giving me a clue where to look? I search but find nothing. Light off and back to the problems of new babies being born into the royal family. This time within seconds it comes and lands on my ear, really loud and very persistent, light on and I see the fly's backside disappear above Minna's bed. Why oh why does a fly want to get to my ear? I wait, but it stays away. It is now 12.30 and I plug in my wax earplugs that can keep out a military band and turn the light off, after all, a fly won't bite me so sleep is on it's way.
Ten minutes later the fly is in my hair, the noise comes straight through the ear plugs and I decide that this fly must have a message for me. This is no ordinary insect, it is a reincarnation and I need to listen, remember I have been up all night the previous night, magic is easier to accept when so exhausted. So for the next twenty minutes I try and talk to the fly, it sits from various angles looking at me but gives nothing away and then I snap, I grab a book, and a newspaper and attempt to get it out of the door risking letting the 404 mozzies who are outside waiting to come it. The fly is not leaving and lands near the children's noses and all the lights are now fully on as they sleep blissfully unaware of their mother bouncing around the van in her birthday suit waging war on a tiny insect. It gets more daring and flies into my hair taunting me with it's agility.
However I am getting nowhere, the fly continues to do what it does best, fly. I try a new tack, turning all the lights off and turn the bathroom light on only, I wait for it to come, with my back against the wall, as if it doesn't know I am there, it doesn't come, it is not playing. I see the Avon deluxe body spray that is known for it's mozzie repellant effect, I grab it and go out. The fly is above Harri's head, I spray anyway, it is 1.45 now and war has casualties. The fly escapes and Harri coughs as he turns over. I go back into the bathroom, grab the jungle formula mozzie spray and go back onto the front line with two hands full. I find him, I use both sprays, I am Clint Eastwood, I will win, he flies off. I listen and then feel something on my leg, he is on my ankle begging for mercy, I spray myself stupid, pick him up in some loo roll and put him in the bin.
I go to sleep about 2am, tired, slightly guilty, the van stinking of Avon's best selling product, the children’s lung's recovering, but fly free and sleep until 7am when I am awoken by another helicopter landing on my forehead.
We leave Villars de Dombe, not really wanting to go, we could easily spend more time with Hilary & John and head to Robs. We got of the campsite at 12:30. (just). We were driving for about 2 hours and had lunch on our way outside a market and got stuff for curry as it was Eid. We arrived at 2:30 all hot and sticky we were met out side there house by rob, (the dad) oscar (the big brother who was 8) and marnie ( the big sister who was 7) we went in side the big house we had a long tour of the very BIG house the kids stopped the tour and ran to the van to change they came back out of the van wearing there swimming stuff they ran out to the huge garden and jumped in to th e SWIMMING POOL Harri and Minna were having the time of there lives big. house and a pool, and fab playmates.
Khalid cooks curry for all, as it is Eid after all! Goes down very well and we have a view of the mountains as we eat..
harri's foot
Rain...
Wednesday 7th
It rains all night with thunder and lightning, and sounds like bullets being fired on top of the van. Lucy, predictably, does not sleep, Minna does and Harri thrashes around most of the night with Lucy putting blankets back on him regularly. Kal is dry in the tent and it was less noisy as the rain didn't make so much noise.
By 2pm the rain has not stopped and the only person who has left the van is Kal to go to the loo, the kids still in pj's with lightning in the sky. Cold, Lucy realises she has not bought clothes for anything other than hot weather, as that is what it was when they left UK and she was totally unable to imagine another weather type. Trip to the local bird park, cancelled, bike ride to village, cancelled, Kal mentions watching a film in the van with the sound going through the music system. So there goes the technology free holiday. The rain stops suddenly, the sky clears, Lucy makes a trip to the loo and hears a rousing Dutch song from a nearby caravan, it sounds like a 'The rain has gone' style anthem that they all sing to celebrate, Lucy imagines them all hale and hearty, blonde and white toothed, jumping onto their bikes for the day. She goes back to the van and makes the family listen to the song, in the hope of inspiring them to movement, they retreat under their fluffy blankets and look scared at the very idea.
As the gods look down at situation they obviously side with the kids and the rain begins again in earnest, increasing so that listening to music is impossible and it is so dark that lights have to be turned on.
Minna hums 'Don't worry be happy' to herself.
Lucy on laptop writing bleedin' blog, Min on Kals phone playing a game and Harri on ipad pretending to read book but actually playing a game, Kal begins to make lunch and as most hunter gatherers do, he goes out to the coolbox and reaches in. We wonder what everyone else is doing in their little worlds of rain on the campsite, probably playing games say the kids. Harri sings 'you are my sunshine' to himself, in a pub singer fashion.