em13

I am writing mainly to get all my thoughts and feelings out of my head and to somehow understand them more clearly. I am struggling with so many forms of fears, disappointments, sadness and anxiety----WRITING is my coping mechanism and SHARING it makes me feel that I am not alone.

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I miss you so much I cannot breathe…

I want to see you,

I want to be next to you when I wake up,

I want to feel you, touch you, hold you,

I want to smell the scent of your body,

I want to hear you breathe…

☹️

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I think I love you for real.

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She was my past.

You are my present.

You are my future.

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If I am to be ask "what my deepest and wildest desire is," it will be for you and me to go back to the way things used to be. I know it's no longer possible but I still hope.

I know this is so wrong but I can't help it. I wanted to say I love you, can we be together again? That i'll leave him, just say you're mine...

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today we kissed but I was thinking about her.

23.04.2023

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And just last night,

I found out she was asking about me, too..

23.04.2023

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Day 01- 20.IV.23

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19.04.2023

a few more hours I'm gonna see my so-called reality.

I am supposed to be jumping and dancing.

I am supposed to be on high spirit.

But I am not.

I totally don't get it.

I feel the opposite of happy.

I can't explain.

Do I have a problem with him?

Or it is I that is unreal... 💔

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Can I share something?

I consider myself as a shy, soft-spoken, timid person. I guess those adjectives are synonymous with the word "INTrOVErT."

I don't know if my being introvert is being misinterpreted by the people around me.

I am trying to speak louder, to be firm and take a stand.

I am trying to make my voice be heard.

I am trying to be bolder and stronger.

But I always fail. 😢

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Have you met your soulmate?

This has been ask probably a hundred times to you.

Did you know that in this lifetime,

You meet not just one but three soulmates?

One___ that would be your first love. The one who made you feel all the butterflies and cause you sleepless night for the very first time!

Second____ that would be the love that changes you forever. This kind of soulmate is the one that hurts the most, the one that you could not easily move on from, the one that made you doubt on yourself but also the reason why you became a better person, you learned from experience that you also have to love yourself, that giving your all isn't an assurance of a happy ever after.

And the third ____ is your everlasting love. The love that will not wither instead it will grow in the midst of trials. The kind of love that will surpass and rise above.

So, have you met your soulmates? 😉

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Today I remember you,

And today it felt different.

I realized I haven't think of you for a long time.

Thinking of you has haunted me forever but today it didn't. It felt light and free. No more tears. I can now see myself growing old with someone I knew who genuinely loves me, someone who wouldn't abandoned me.

🤍

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One day, I might run into you

I'll try my best to feel light about that

I'll smile and probably stare for a while

But I will surely look away

I won't stay

I won't bring myself to casually talk to you

It's not that I am still mad or sad

The thing is there's zero to talk about

I remember everything, does it hurt me still? My answer is NO! I simply don't care anymore!

To forget you and the things you put me through may not be happening yet

But I've learned to live with it

And I've forgiven you even if you're never sorry

You don't deserve it

But I deserve peace!

So I forgive you and hope you have a great life!

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When you're young

You tend to care less about life and what matters the most

You procrastinate, thinking there will always be another day

You don't feel any responsibility

other than to yourself

But when you get old

Your view of life changes

You realize that life seems to be an endless battle that you need to win from every single day

You feel the burden of becoming an adult

You face challenges,

You missed opportunities,

You commit mistakes,

You offend people and mess up,

You get hurt and fail

Sometimes it is unbearable

And the bitter truth about it is that we can not stop the motion of aging once its course takes place

But we can be better and make our life less miserable

It's in our hands

With hard work and faith

With patience and the right attitude

We can survive and not just exist!

We will thrive 🙏🏻🙂

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INTROVERT

I'm most of the time submissive

I lack the courage to stand up and speak up

I am shy and usually takes that side of the room where no cool kids are found

I have few friends and seldom initiate talks

But then, I am no weirdo

I pay my respect to people

I follow rules and regulations

I am a law-abiding citizen of my country

I am not privilege

I work hard

But oftentimes life is unfair to my kind

Sad but true

People judge

People talk harsh

I am an introvert

I try not to be a people pleaser

Just to be accepted

I try to act as normal as I can

But my normal is strange to some

I don't care (really)

But then it's hard to quite the nosy ones

I am part of the minority

I am not in need of attention nor fame

I just need people to allow me to be me

Don't try to control me

Don't assume that you know me

Don't blame me for not speaking my mind out loud

I am an introvert not dumb

I maybe quite but I am opinionated

I speak when it's necessary

I dismissed arguments that I feel not worth my time and emotions

You're loud and I get that

I respect that you are

Then at least try to respect my boundaries

So we can all live in peace

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There are times in my life that injustice felt really strong. I can see it, I understand it, I experience it first hand.

There are times that all I can do is sigh.

I am not giving up the fight for fairness but at one point I got tired to even talk and fight for what I deserve.

It's just that it's exhausting to keep on striving to do things efficiently and productively when it's never enough for the people around you.

I know I need to do good for myself. I know I don't need to be rewarded for a job well done but I sometimes wonder how it feels to be celebrated.

I know I don't need validation.

But I need to feel that I exist, too.

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It gets better everyday...