Softer than words - Jamil Viper
SUMMARY: There were many things Jamil Viper could endure. Loving Kalim's fiancée wasn't supposed to be one of them. The cruelest thing she ever did was be kind to him.
PAIRING: Jamil Viper x Reader
WARNING: Spoilers for Book 4 / Scarabia. Mutual pining, forbidden feelings, arranged marriage, lots of yearning and emotional suffering♡
WORD COUNT: ~4300
NOTES: English isn't my first language, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! I don't even know how many times I've edited this story, rewritten scenes, or gotten distracted halfway through and completely lost my rhythm. At this point, I'm just posting it before I end up changing everything again. I even asked ChatGPT to check it for errors, and it immediately started criticizing the length and amount of emotional descriptions, insisting that I cut about 30% of it. TwT Am I not a professional? This is my writing style. I genuinely don't know how to write any other way. Stupid ChatGPT. Our Facebook relationship status is currently "It's complicated." I wasn't planning to translate this one, but I promised someone I'd translate all of them, so here we are.
Feedback is always appreciated but it's not my best work-♡
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Although the Asim family was not of royal blood, the wealth and prestige they had accumulated over the years could often rival those of the most illustrious dynasties from around the world. One might think that success had gone to their heads, but they treated everyone with humility and kindness, often disregarding social status. Their family relationships—with the exception of a few incidents involving extended family—were also warm, and despite their long work hours, they always found time for their loved ones.
It would seem that this family was practically perfect and impossible to hate, but as always, there were envious hearts who, driven by jealousy, often tried to take advantage of the Asims or even went so far as to attempt to poison the eldest son. That is why they were very careful in choosing their social circle and servants, in order to at least slightly reduce the risk of betrayal.
Jamil Viper was born and spent nearly his entire life within the walls of the Asims' estate, as his parents worked there as trusted servants; thus, he too took on that role, serving as—how Kalim believed—a friend to the eldest son. After all, the child of such loyal people was far more trustworthy than an outsider for a role as important as watching over the eldest. They were seen as close, yet the resentment from the constant comparisons and the demand to keep his distance so as not to overshadow the white-haired boy were too overwhelming for him to truly harbor positive feelings toward him or see him as a friend.
Yet Jamil humbly fulfilled his role, never stepping out of line or revealing his true abilities. This did not change even after they both enrolled at Night Raven College, where young mages like him could rise to unimaginable heights if only they chose to harness their full potential. It didn't seem likely that anything could make Jamil desire something so much that he would be willing to defy the ideals instilled in him since childhood. Despite everything, his apparent composure was bound to falter one day.
Kalim's parents were painfully aware of their son's kindness and of how his trust in people could lead to his downfall in the future. Therefore, wanting to prevent anyone from seducing the white-haired boy, they decided to arrange a marriage with the daughter of a close friend. Such arrangements were nothing out of the ordinary in the upper classes, which is why, at first, the news didn't make much of an impression on anyone.
"Did you hear, Jamil?! I can't wait to meet her. I have to show her my flying carpet. Haha! We will have so much fun!" Kalim exclaimed excitedly as soon as he heard the news from his father.
"I heard, I heard. Eh, you really should tone it down. You haven't even met her yet," Jamil sighed, watching with his arms crossed as Kalim ran around the room, clearly unable to focus on one thing at a time. "What if you two don't get along?"
"Oh right... But it's worth a try! If we're going to get married, we should at least get along, right?!?"
"You trully are hopeless," the brown-haired man sighed under his breath with a smile, as Kalim was too busy to keep listening to him.
The days passed, and finally the day arrived when the betrothed were to be officially introduced, so it was easy to guess that from early morning Kalim had been running around the house, joyfully excited at the prospect of forming a new friendship. Jamil, on the other hand, merely watched everything from the sidelines with boredom, following his master to carry out his duties. Unlike the young master and most of the estate's residents, the boy felt no excitement at the thought of the guests; in fact, he couldn't wait for it all to be over.
Surprisingly, however, the brown-haired boy's attitude did a complete 180 when, instead of a arrogant young lady or a female version of Kalim, a girl entered the estate with a smile as gentle and bright as the sun, though not as wide and intrusive as the white-haired young master's. Whether it was her kind words or her entire demeanor, his heart involuntarily began to beat faster, and with every moment he watched her interact with Kalim, the strange feeling only seemed to deepen.
At first, Jamil blamed the tightness in his chest on the girl's beauty, telling himself that surely more than one man had felt that way the moment they saw someone so pretty. After the visit, it seemed he had returned to normal, but that strange fluttering in his chest returned when the date of their next meeting arrived.
"You should try this too! Oh! And this as well!!!"—Kalim exclaimed excitedly, showing his fiancée the various delicacies his parents had previously ordered to be prepared as refreshments. "These are my favorites! Ah, and my sister loves this one! Oh... I mean the youngest one, hahaha!"
The girl merely shook her head with a smile, meekly trying the delicacies mentioned by the white-haired man and sharing her opinions.
"Could I have a tissue, please?" she asked politely when they finished eating.
"Ah, of course! Um... ah, where are they?!" Kalim quickly panicked, trying to remember where he'd put the tissues, but both his memory and his eyesight failed him.
"Here you go, Miss," Jamil bowed gently, handing her a tissue.
"Oh! Thank you so much, mr. Jamil!" the girl smiled radiantly, gracefully accepting the tissue.
"Just Jamil is fine."
"In that case, thank you very much, Jamil."
"Aaah! It's so good to have you here! I don't know what I'd do without you!" Kalim sighed happily, looking as if he might throw his arms around the brown-haired man at any moment.
That afternoon’s seemingly innocent conversation, however, kept Jamil awake; his mind replayed it over and over again as he lay in bed trying to fall asleep. He was accustomed to the Asims’ unmatched open-mindedness, but apart from them, he had never met any gentlemen or ladies from grand houses who treated their servants with such kindness.
“Thank you, huh?” he sighed, covering his eyes with his arm.
Usually, guests in the house paid no attention to the servants, let alone thanked them for something that, by all accounts, was “a matter of course.” Despite everything, Jamil once again didn’t even consider the possibility of beginning to tolerate someone from the so-called upper classes, allowing himself to persist in the belief that he was merely overinterpreting the behavior of the future Asim.
Weeks went by, and the girl visited the Asim estate more and more often, never losing her dignity. When she came to stay with them for a longer period once again, Kalim happily suggested a walk outside the estate to show her the beauty of the gardens in early spring. Just as they were getting dressed to go out, the white-haired man, as was his habit in his absent-mindedness, forgot to grab a few things, so he quickly ran to his chamber, leaving the other two alone.
“Let me help you,” Jamil said professionally as the girl began to put on her coat.
“Ah, there’s no need,” she smiled, waving her hand.
“I insist. You shouldn’t do this alone. It’s inappropriate for a lady.”
“Inappropriate… or is it because someone has to do it for me?”
“I’m afraid I don’t understand, miss. Nevertheless, this is not something you should concern yourself with. You should leave trivial matters to those responsible for them.”
“Why do you underestimate yourself so much?”
A momentary hesitation born of sheer shock caused Jamil to stop mid-movement, as if he hadn’t expected such a question. He had always thought of himself as a master at hiding his true self, having spent years suppressing his talents so as not to overshadow the heir, and yet she seemed to see right through him as if it were nothing.
However, before he could reply, Kalim ran joyfully into the hallway with his younger siblings, who, according to the white-haired boy’s explanation, wanted to join the walk.
Yet this conversation stuck in Jamil’s mind, and he began anxiously searching for a hidden agenda or underlying motives the girl might be concealing. Nevertheless, the more he tried to find a hidden motive or potential benefits she might gain, the more impossible it seemed to him. And the purity of her feelings was confirmed, in his opinion, by one incident that took place right after one of her frequent visits.
“Oh, Jamil! There you are!” the girl smiled happily, having apparently looked for him immediately upon her arrival. “I have something for you~! I baked a cake! Well… with some help, but I did my part! I know that at my house, most of the treats have dates in them. But don’t worry. I remember you once mentioned that you don’t like them, so we used raisins instead!”
She giggled, proud of having made something as simple as a dessert, but the brown-haired boy’s heart instantly began to beat faster, and a delicate, barely noticeable blush crept onto his cheeks.
“Oh? Are you okay?”
“Yes. Thank you,” he mumbled, quickly regaining his composure and gracefully accepting the small package.
Still, he couldn’t help but feel a warmth building in his heart when he realized something she probably hadn’t even considered when giving him that gift. She had been listening to him. She had remembered what he liked and taken his preferences into account. True, the cake was likely meant for the hosts of the meeting, yet she had saved a piece especially for him.
The nagging thoughts that haunted his mind every time she appeared on the horizon made Jamil, for the first time in a long while, start to avoid her gaze. He could no longer look her in the eyes with the same indifference as before. Every smile, every “thank you” she uttered, every moment she turned her attention specifically to him. It all muddled his mind, making his always so perfectly composed mask difficult to maintain.
The more he tried to suppress these unwanted feelings, the stronger they grew, weighing on the brown-haired man’s conscience, who was painfully aware that they should never have been born. After all, she was Kalim’s fiancée. A person for whom his master felt genuine affection and almost childlike excitement. Perhaps in his eyes they looked more like siblings or friends, but that didn’t change the fact that she was meant to be someone who would one day become part of the Asim family. Someone absolutely out of his reach.
He shifted slightly, turning his head toward the girl standing a few steps away, an innocent look of concern in her beautiful eyes. Most of the servants were busy cleaning up after dinner, and Kalim and his siblings had disappeared into one of the side rooms, leaving the two of them alone for the first time in a long while.
“Kalim said you didn’t seem to be feeling well,” she began gently. “You do look tired. You work so hard. You should give yourself a moment to rest.”
“Master Kalim has a tendency to dramatize things. I think you’ve already noticed that,” Jamil sighed, trying to remain professional.
“And you have a tendency to be negligent.”
“Negligence. . . ? I beg your pardon, miss, but I don’t quite understand. I don’t think I’ve been neglecting my duties.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about.”
“...Excuse me?”
“You’re so constantly absorbed in your work that you neglect your health.”
“Miss, you shouldn’t worry about someone like me. I appreciate it, but there are priorities.”
His words were stiff, almost rehearsed, and yet they came out of his mouth as smoothly as if he’d repeated them thousands of times like a mantra. The brown-haired man hoped that cutting the conversation short would be enough, but to his irritation, the girl neither dropped the subject nor nodded in agreement, as others did, but instead grabbed his wrist, not letting him leave once he had turned his back on her, ready to leave her alone.
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about, Jamil,” she said more quietly, but no less firmly. “You keep referring to yourself as ‘someone like me,’ as if you truly believed you were worth less than others. But that’s not true… You know that… You have to know that.
The moment of silence that followed her confession made him involuntarily stop struggling against the woman’s gentle embrace. He stood motionless, without making a sound, but it seemed as though that silence spoke louder than any words, no matter how loud they might be. It was then that something inside him broke irreparably for the first time.
Several days had passed since that conversation, but Jamil found himself increasingly catching his gaze involuntarily seeking her out in the crowd. Sometimes she sat with Kalim in one of the rooms lit by the desert sun, listening to his endless stories with a patient smile. Other times she strolled through the gardens with her fiancé’s younger siblings, letting them hold her hand and bombarding the children with questions about their favorite games. Despite everything, there were also quieter moments that seemed almost magical, such as reading alone in the privacy of her guest room, to which Jamil would often, without thinking, bring drinks appropriate for the time of day.
Yet it was precisely these moments that bothered him the most, for he found himself unconsciously and increasingly often by her side, almost as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
At first, Jamil accompanied her solely because it was part of his duties or because of Kalim, who often asked him to show his fiancée other parts of the estate or to make sure she had everything she needed during her visits. However, over time, the line between duty and habit began to blur dangerously, and neither of them noticed the subtle changes right away.
At some point, when she arrived, she would almost instinctively look for him among the servants instead of eagerly searching for her future husband, while he increasingly realized that he was unconsciously waiting for the sound of her footsteps in the hallway or her quiet laughter at Kalim’s foolishness.
Sometimes they would sit together in the conservatory while Kalim was busy talking with his family or coming up with yet another absurd idea that he had to put into action immediately. Other times they would stroll through the gardens, talking about things so ordinary that Jamil himself could not later recall the subject of those conversations.
That was the worst part of the bond growing between them. Everything was lighthearted, almost without any strings attached. Over time, the brown-haired man no longer had to constantly watch every word he said to avoid saying something inappropriate. He didn’t have to pretend to be less intelligent or make sure he didn’t accidentally shine brighter than he should. She never treated him as someone who should treat her in any special way, nor did she try to force her way into his life, though in her mind she had succeeded in doing so more than Kalim had over all those years.
All of this meant that more and more often they sat side by side in the glow of the desert moon, admiring the beauty of the peaceful night so longed for after turbulent days full of emotion.
“Did Kalim tell the kitchen to prepare food for fifty people again, even though there will only be ten guests?” she asked one evening with amusement.
“Yes. Just so no one runs out. As if we couldn’t just make more as we go,” Jamil sighed with a smile that was somewhere between resignation and amusement. But one thing was certain. That smile was genuine.
“He’s such a sweet guy. Scatterbrained, but sweet,” she sighed with a hint of sadness, leaning instinctively against Jamil’s shoulder. “A bit like a younger brother trying to be the older one.”
“Brother? You’re talking about your fiancé.”
“I know, I know... I like him, I really do. But it’s not that kind of love. I can’t even... imagine doing anything with him that normal couples do.”
“You shouldn’t say that.”
“I know… But you won’t tell anyone, will you? I can trust you. That’s exactly why I like you so much.”
The girl sighed wistfully, gently closing her eyes and letting the pleasant coolness of the night fill her with a refreshing sensation. The moment of relaxation, however, was short-lived.
Jamil’s shoulders tensed involuntarily, and his heart pounded in his ears with intense force, while his mind waged a fierce battle between joy and terror. His feelings were not one-sided, and the attraction was mutual, which set his heart ablaze, yet in the back of his mind, the thought that this was the case terrified him. After all, she was his master’s fiancée. Mutual feelings would only hurt them both once the wedding took place.
After that incident, Jamil tried his hardest to avoid her, intending to distance himself from her. While the prospect of suffering alone was not entirely foreign to him and he was able to come to terms with it, the thought that the heart of someone so dear to him would break was unbearable. He quietly tried his hardest to distance himself, but his sudden change in behavior did not go unnoticed by the young woman, whose heart also beat faster at the sight of him.
Despite everything, at first she tried not to pay attention to the brown-haired man’s attempts to distance himself, living as usual and regularly visiting the Asim estate. Unconsciously, she automatically began to look for him more often than usual, almost longing for his presence.
The days passed, and with each visit, Kalima’s fiancée felt increasingly rejected by Jamil, which pained her deeply, and her mind began to swirl with dark thoughts blaming her for the current state of affairs. The final straw came during one meeting, when she noticed how much more he was talking to Kalim than to her, leaving her determined not to let the matter rest.
“Did I do something wrong?” she asked quietly as she followed Jamil into the kitchen on the sly to find a moment of privacy.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, miss…” he sighed after a moment of silence, not even looking at her, staring intently at the sink.
“You’re avoiding me.”
“You must have imagined something, miss. I’m quite busy with work. That’s all.”
“You’re lying… You always get so tense when you lie. And even though we’re alone, you’re calling me ‘miss’ again. It’s because of what I said, isn’t it?”
A moment of silence fell between them, but not a pleasant one—it was tense and heavy. The young woman was about to turn and leave, conceding defeat, but the brown-haired man’s quiet words froze her in place.
“That's how it should be...”
“What... what do you mean?”
“You’re Kalim’s fiancée. Our feelings... will only cause pain. It’s best to nip them in the bud.”
“Ours...? You... you feel the same way about me too...?”
“...it doesn’t matter. Even if I did, our relationship won’t allow it.”
“What if I broke off the engagement?”
The sudden question made Jamil freeze in his tracks, taken aback by such a bold idea. However, he shook his head, clicked his tongue, and glared at her.
“It won’t do any good. You’re a lady from a grander house. I’m a servant. This conversation is over. And now, excuse me, but you should get some rest.”
Jamil turned on his heel, leaving the room with an air of superiority. Yet despite his harsh words, his heart ached no less than hers, but he knew this was for the best. If he stayed now and wiped away the tears silently streaming down her cheeks, he wouldn’t be able to reject her again, and this was their only way out.
Shortly after that conversation, Kalim and Jamil ended up at the famous Night Raven College, which allowed the brown-haired boy to distance himself from his master’s fiancée, though whenever they met while returning to their family home, his heart ached just as much.
A lot happened while studying at such a prestigious school. From highs and lows to successes and tragedies. It was there that Jamil could no longer bear the pressure that had been weighing on him for so many years, nor all the sacrifices he had had to make, which led him, when his plans to finally be free failed, to let magic take control of him.
However, the Overblot failed as well, and the group of students managed to save Jamil from the tragic end that befalls many mages who have lost control. It was at that moment that the brown-haired man exploded, venting all the grievances he’d harbored toward Kalim over the years—which clearly surprised the white-haired man, who’d never suspected his closest companion of such feelings.
“Let’s stop playing master and servant and be equals!” Kalim said cheerfully after listening to the brown-haired boy. “Let’s be friends!”
“NO WAY,” Jamil protested, causing Asim to blink in confusion.
“Huh?”
“Even if we hadn’t known each other since childhood and had gone through other relationships, I would never have become friends with you!”
“Haaa?!?!
“And there’s absolutely no way I’m going to forget everything and pretend to be your friend! I’d like to be number one, too. They always make me let you win. At games, in school, in love. In everything! I’ve never been able to have what I wanted, and that’s not going to change overnight!”
“Huh? Love?”
Kalim blinked a few times, which made Jamil realize what he had said. He quickly looked away, embarrassed and sulky, leaving the white-haired man speechless and confused.
“Oh my~ Could it be that someone has feelings for Kalim’s fiancée?” Azul smiled cheekily, putting on an innocent expression.
“How do you know Kalim has a fiancée?” Jamil asked suspiciously, but received no answer.
“Oya? How rude,” Jade giggled.
“HA?!?!?!?!?!” Kalim shouted when he finally understood what was going on. “You love her?!?!?!”
“It… doesn’t matter,” Viper grumbled, avoiding his gaze.
“Why didn’t you say so sooner?!? She’s lovely, of course, but she's more like sister! She’s always so nice to me and my siblings! She reminds me a little of you, hahaha!”
“Wha-?”
“We have to tell my dad!”
“A-ABSOLUTELY NOT.”
“I’m sure he won’t mind! After all, this marriage wasn’t supposed to be for any other reason than my happiness and the union of our families, right?! Ahahaha! And you’re almost like family!”
Kalim was already lost in his own world and wasn’t listening to Jamil’s denials or his attempts to turn the situation around, which, incidentally, were kindling unwanted hope in his heart.
It wasn’t long before news reached them of the peaceful breakup of the engagement of the future head of the Asim family. Jamil couldn’t bring himself to look Kalim’s parents in the eye—he had surely told them everything—but to his surprise, they held no grudge against him for his feelings toward his fiancée. After all, he had done nothing to win her back, despite his own suffering.
That same day, the friendly family came to visit the Asim estate again. However, this time, when they went out to greet them, Kalim wasn’t the first to run up joyfully and lead them to the feast; instead, he shoved Jamil, who barely managed to keep his balance.
“Young Master Kalim, what are you—?!” But the brown-haired man didn’t get to finish before the family heir cheerfully interrupted him.
“Go! That’s an order,” he chuckled, pointing at his former fiancée.
Jamil took his first uncertain steps with his heart beating dangerously in his chest, then slowly bowed uncertainly.
“Welcome to the Asim estate, Sir, Madam, Miss,” said the brown-haired man uncertainly, without taking his eyes off the floor.
The moment of silence seemed to stretch on forever as Viper stared at the ground, as if there were something extraordinary there. The tension was finally broken by the touch of soft hands cupping his cheeks and lifting his head up. Hesitantly, the boy’s eyes met her beautiful pupils, sparkling with joy, relief, and other unspoken emotions that were tearing at her just as much as they were at him.
Both seemed to want to say something, but no words came out of their mouths, and the silence between them was once again louder than words. Suddenly, with an uncertain yet firm movement, Jamil wrapped his arms around her with all his strength, burying his face in her shoulder, as if afraid to wake up from such a beautiful dream.
The girl slowly wrapped her arms around him as well, breathing in the familiar, soothing scent, savoring the moment. She raised her eyes gently to Kalim, standing nearby, whose smile betrayed his pride in his own idea, and then, making eye contact, whispered silently, “Thank you.”
♡...Okay... maybe ChatGPT was right after all—♡