Miami in December. A fun time. Maya was hosting a private Christmas party for her company. Love Towns. She wanted fun. Thatâs what she got. She begged me to come. Support her. Get away from freezing home.
So I did. First flight out of YYZ.
Toying with my hair. Tilting my head. My eyes moving constantly on my outfit. Sticking with it in the end. Naughty and nice.
An intimate dinner with my cousins. Crystal, Taylor, Bria and Maya. Laughs, wine, full course meals. A classy pregame for tonightâs festivities.
Mayaâs night. Her team was amazing. A tight knit team that meshed together like family. The location was great. A mansion. Strobe lights set to the mood. A pool in the backyard with mermaids. String lights above your head. A fairytale dream come to life. A garden haven like that scene from Peter Pan.
A few celebrities were here. A few good bloggers. Nothing unusual. A female DJ to set the mood perfectly. A videographer moved gracefully. Capturing the right moments.
Lost in my own world. Dancing carelessly. Taking photos. Networking. Drinking. Living freely.
Maya made her toast for the night. Gratitude and thankful. Overwhelmed with emotions but happiness summed it up. More to come. A better future for sure.
Walking to the open bar. Spotting a familiar face in the sea of familiar friends. My heart sankâŠjust a little. Turning to a different bar. Erasing what I saw. Trying to become invisible. I didnât need to see him. Our time ended. It was almost too perfect to be true. Who am I kidding? I gave up on him. His idea of love wasnât mature. He wasnât ready. He wasnât what I needed.
The Boy didnât take that well. He wrote a few words about me. Words he didnât feel comfortable texting right away. Wondering where have I been? Recalling conversations of young infatuation; he used to be on my mind constantly. What a time.
Distracting myself again. Remembering where I was and why I was here. A sense of calm came back. Unbothered. Leaving back to hotel with Bria.
A morning workout like usual. Brunch outside with umbrellas and robes. Bottomless mimosas and twerking. A good time that anyone would want to join. A trip to Wynwood Art District. Photos of course to emphasize on our art. Art Basel activities wrapped up early. A yacht party to end the night.
Once was luck. Twice was supposed to be.
Brown eyes piercing into each other. Complete thoughts were blocked by me. He couldnât read me. He couldnât express himself how he wanted. He felt like there was more to tell. Another part of him was over and done with me. Ha, I found that hard to believe.
We were across the room. Smiling with the same effort. I never made it to his side nor did he make it to mine. No words were said. I drank my white wine.
My fun came to an end. Work called me. Facing the bitter cold was terrible. It was still home. I couldnât trade it. Maybe New York if I had to move. Atlanta was also an option. I met someone out there. A beautiful man who wanted to offer the world; the world I dreamed of. I declined for Aubrey. He had more value at the time. I guess I saw happiness in him that he couldnât put into motion.
Sitting at work preoccupied. Looking through important flies. Classic music playing lowly. The office phone rang. Making immediate eye contact with Jennifer.
âYou have a call from Drake. Would you like to take it or should I tell him youâre busy?â
âIâll take it.â A confident wink. I knew silence wouldnât last long. âThanks Jen.â
In seconds, the call transferred. âWhat can I do for you, Mr. Graham?â
âI didnât expect you to answer.â
A careless shrug. âYouâre not disappointed, are you? I can always let you leave a message.â
âDinner tonight at Fringâs.â
My eyebrows raised. âWhy?â
âYou know the answer.â
âDo you know the context of the question?â
âYouâre asking a lot of questions instead of saying yes.â
âThis isnât a date.â I had to clarify nothing.
âWe could make this a thing.â I could read his smirk.
âIt was a thingâŠ.that ended. I have plans.â Plans with myself. Plans of self care. Face masks, glass of wine, work on the side.
âWhenever you donât have plans, you should reschedule with me.â
âIâll keep you in mind.â Ending the conversation there. I wonât let him get carried away.
Self care Wednesday night. I owe it to myself. No one bothered me. Peace and clarity in my mind. I waited for the weekend. Demanding what I could. He accepted the offer.
I stood with a glass of red wine. Staring at the CN Tower lit brightly from his glass windows. Another rental for his liking. Perfection was his thing.
âWhy?â I turned to him. Staring up slightly at his tall stature. His eyes were tired. I hit that right on the nose.
A soft smile. âYouâre here because you want to be here.â
âWhy did you want to see me?â
âFor the same reason, Iâve always wanted to see you.â He missed me. He couldnât get through to me through texting or calling. The atmosphere would be different.
âWell, Iâm doing fine.â My eyes went back to the view. I tried to reassure him. âWhat made you worry?â
âI didnât like our ending. It wasnât an end. It just fizzed outâŠ.and it shouldnât have.â
My eyebrow raised. âWhy not? You were not going to put in the necessary effort. I wasnât trying to be the heat of the moment or another phase. Phases are cycles and I canât do that with someone I love.â
His cocky grin made me roll my eyes. âWhy didnât you say that?â
âYou never reciprocated like you meant it. What do you want?â The side of my face rested against the glass.
âCan you wait on me?â Something about his words were sad. I stared up at him.
âDo you even want me?â An annoying sigh left his lips. âSeriously. Asking me that is pointless at this point. You can have whatever you want whenever youâre ready. So why put me here? If you want sex then say that. Iâm not going to keep this up with youâŠ.especially when you know what you want.â
âYou canât handle this life.â
My eyes rolled. I placed my glass on a table. Walking by him to leave. He grabbed him before I could leave the room. Picking me up into his arms. Kissing with love. Taking me to his bed. All at the same time.
I stopped him. âIf I canât handle this life, then I wonât be here. Iâm not gonna fall in love with you.â
Removing myself from him. Realizing that this has to be the last time. I canât come at his every call. I have to leave him alone. I was doing so well.
His thumb brushed against my cheek. I realized I was crying. I pushed his thumb away. I hated him. I hated that he wasnât ready. I hated that he wasnât ready for me. I wanted to be there for him. That was the honest truth. That was the twisted false sense of reality,
âZhuriâŠ.â He was confused as well. âTalk to me.â
âI canât.â Shaking my head. âI canât just be here waiting for you. I canât. I canât just wait anymore. Iâm sorry if thatâs selfish. Iâm just tired. I canât give you what weâve always wanted. Thereâs nothing romantic about thisâŠwhatever this is.â
âIs this the end? Are you really over and done with me? Is this what you want?â His tone was relaxed. He wasnât surprised. This wasnât his first rodeo. I knew this.
âItâs over. We can be cordial somewhere down the road if thatâs what is meant for us. Iâm done with you. Iâm done waiting for you. Trust me, I donât want to be but I canât continue to sacrifice when youâve never offered to sacrifice anything. Iâll always love you and I wonât ever stop but I canât be in love with you anymore.â
All of strength was used. A weight lifted off of my shoulders. I held in that thought very tightly. It hurt more than I imagined.
He let me go. I let him go.
Years later, we bump into each other. Two different people with two different lives. I presume he was happy. He met this girl from Toronto. They were in love happily. He stopped doing music. He was strictly business man. One of the greatest the city has ever seen.
As for me, I was married to a pediatrician. He is my best friend. He has made me so happy. We travel whenever we can. We moved into a house last month. We have a beautiful baby girl together. Emery Sade Parker. Sheâs my everything.
Yet, we stood glancing at each other from across the room. It was Mayaâs baby shower. She was expecting baby number two with Lou. She was glowing with joy for many reasons.
We havenât seen each other in years. He was mad at me last time I recalled. Rather, mad and hurt simultaneously because he wasnât invited to my wedding. He didnât find out about it until months after the wedding that I was with someone. Inviting him wasnât the best for either of us. It would just be a reminder that it couldâve been us and Iâm happy now.
Hugging him tightly was nostalgic. Inhaling his scent that was his. The hug lasted longer than I expected. It couldnât be misinterpreted to mean anything else.
A quiet smile between us like giddy kids. âYou look amazing.â His charm still present.
âSomehow your beard has aged better than you.â A cheesy comment to make him laugh.
âIâm trying age like your pops. Heâs a legend.â Our eyes fell on my parents. A goal.
âYouâre getting there.â A soft smile. I wanted to walk away. His girlfriend was approaching.
âMaya told me, you had a baby girl.â I kept my life extremely privateâŠfrom Aubrey. I knew my family still brought me up to him. Pictures were the way to my life.
âYeah. Emery.â I missed her and her dad. She had a cold and couldnât fly out to L.A. Aryan wouldnât allow the traveling risk.
âHey, you must be Zhuri.â A beautiful black woman stood across from me. Her hand extended.
âYeah, and you areâŠ.Ivy. Itâs a pleasure to meet you.â Shaking hands. âIâm gonna go get these games started.â
One last look at Aubrey. He was happy but I could feel his longing to talk to me. It hurt him and he hurt me. We were going to move away from this. It was best for both of us.
He was never going to leave my life. He was apart of my familyâs life. I was fine with that. I wasnât shaky or hesitant about Aryan knowing about him. We coexistâŠas two different people with two different lives.
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