Sisidlan

Mga pag apaw sa aking Diwa at Puso

[capmediocre]

Just go ahead and do whatever you want to do

[capmediocre]

Pet peeve: Someone who only wanted their needs to be met without understanding the situation

[hypocrisssy]

Gusto ko biglang mawala, this is not a good place.

[capmediocre]

Help me, I’m drowning

[capmediocre]

It's odd this new year. I usually feel excited and vigorous every start of the year, but somehow this time, it was no excitement. I felt fear and uncertainty. For the first time in my 25 years of existence that this happened and honestly, I don't know what to do about it. Along the way, I really do hope to figure it out.

Happy new year everyone. Might spill more pondering this year here. I don't have anyone to talk about my thoughts anyway. Have a great 2023 ahead

[capmediocre]

At first you will be sad, and then after awhile you might get mad - and that's okay. Then, after an ample amount of time, you will lose care on me, you will no longer think of me, you will no longer feel anything when you see me. You will finally open your heart, with someone else. You will find your happiness like how I prayed. You will be okay. Someday.

[capmediocre]

I am sorry if I can not go back to you, my love.

[capmediocre]

Pagod na pagod na ako.

[capmediocre]

AutoCAD + Emotional breakdown = Overflowing tears

[capmediocre]

3:20 AM, November 12, 2021

I broke down crying, but this time, it's for something good. Last night as I took my bath, I cried really hard — probably an emotional and mental breakdown. This time, it's different. For a good set of months, I struggled with things. I feel like the world has been continuously moving while I'm at pause. I feel like I was alone and there's no one I can talk about it, my family isn't the type to be open about these things and Kim's probably got a lot on her plate and she's always been so focused about what she feels. I was sad, frustrated, and I feel like everythings spiralling down — for the first time in my life I was selfish. I have thought of hateful selfish things to other people, something that an old me would never do. I thought that it was good, to finally acknowledge what I feel, but our emotions are selfish, they'll make us turn to each other.

I thought I was alone, I was always seeking for someone. I forgot Him. That's why I have been like this. It is only through Him that I can truly be happy. I indulged myself with too many worldly things that I forgot about His grace and glory. He is forgiving, kind, and just. He's always there, it's just us who sometimes shut the door for Him. When we turn our back at Him, it might be good for a while but it's always bad. A life without Him is a life not lived. I am not alone, I'm sorry Papa God for thinking otherwise. Thank you for always being there for me. I miss you, please come back to my heart. My heart has been stricken with hate, frustrations, and selfishness. Refill it with your love and grace. Use me for your will. Let your plans be done.

[kittyb4e]

what the fuck happened to me

[capmediocre]

Architecture is a never ending learning process. Architects are lifetime students with different mentors. From how a plant work, their structures into how animals construct their habitat. Everything revolves with nature and it’s ecosystem. It is and must be inculcated in an Architects life to apply things that he/she see in nature.

Sustainability has been an extending trend today but it is existing already since the dawn of time. Nature is sustainable — so should we. My desire is to design and plan buildings that imitates nature and blends with it. This is our future. This is how things should be — back to where we started but different.

[capmediocre]

Tell me, how do you cope with pain? Is there a healthy way to get over with it?

[capmediocre]

Life in a nutshell is like a long winding irregular stairs. Some are steep thus reflects the hardships of life, some are wide that allows you to be with someone for that part of your life, and some has landings or pauses so we can take some rests; but the real essence of it is that we have to take one step at a time for if we skip a few steps, we might end up falling several steps down. Life is a never ending struggle and growth, we must be prepared to push through every challenges and we have to continue moving up.

[capmediocre]

Parang nawalan ako bigla ng gana Lahat ng lagablab ng apoy ay nawala Naubos ba talaga ako?  Paano ba ulit makuha ang buo? 

[capmediocre]

You just recently passed the boards for Architects. For God’s sake, Lem. Why are you feeling this way? 

[capmediocre]

I don’t even why I’m feeling this way. I should be happy, but I’m completely feeling the opposite.