endless haze of life

[captainofnxthing]

Guess Who’s Back With a Brand New Track

I am suck a dork. And this site has changed so much, lol. BUT I'M BACK. 

So um, little explanation of why I disappeared before I write a massive life update under the cut because so much has happened and I feel like sharing. So, believe me when I say I didn’t expect or even want to be gone for this long. It’s just...well... I sorta of forgot the password to this damn thing and kind of didn’t have access to the email I used to set this account up either. So Tumblr wouldn’t help me because I didn’t have access to the email. And so I’ve spent the past year trying to get in every now and again until I finally got the right password. I’m such a twat. 

But hey I found it and I’m back. I have a new laptop now so I’mah have to re download all my icons. But otherwise I’m good to go.  Just lemme know if you want any old threads dropped before I get around to replying to them. I know it had been ages so understand if some of you would rather just drop them.

Now BIG LIFE UPDATE 

So obviously college was a thing. I ended up doing the BTEC Diploma in Creative Media Production that included all things creative and media-ery (is that a word). In the entire 2 years I’ve studied it I’ve made a magazine, a TV advert, a radio show, a music video, and motion graphic. Along with some crazy theory work that I kind of hated but kind of loved at the same time. One of the units we had to do an analysis of British show of our choice. Nearly went with Doctor Who, but knew I’d go way off track with the 54 year history of it all. So I went with Sherlock. --- Anyway, it’s supposed to be the equivalent of 3 A-Levels (as an ex A-level student it’s nowhere near the equivalent) but I finished the first year getting a 90-credit diploma was graded AA. And this year I came out with an extended diploma which I got A*AA for. 

In September I’m off into the big bad world of uni. I’m going to Brighton Film School to get a HND in filmmaking and then will probably top it up to a bachelors degree.

 The whole cancer things been good. I’ve been in remission for almost 2 years now. I’ve been having checkups every 3 months, but as of my last one they’ve been reduced to every 6 months. So yeah, pretty proud of myself there. A lot of the side effects are hanging around, but otherwise I’m in pretty good health.

CLIC Sargent and the rest of the guys at the TYA ward have still been complete babes. In December I helped film a music video for the CLIC lot, and in March I went to the Teenage Cancer Trust gig, got a standing ovation from the audience for having caner and met Rodger Daltrey from The Who. It was amazing.

Only shitty thing about the whole cancer thing is my now ex-boyfriend. If I hadn’t already forgotten my password he’d been a reason I wouldn’t have been on for a while. It was a long distance relationship. We met through the TYA ward group on Facebook, so like a budget version of TFIOS. I was in remission, he was still on chemo, blah blah blah. I won’t go into details. But it just turned into a horrible mess and we parted on bad terms. But he still tries messaging my friends from time to time and it’s weird.

[spoilersandguns-archive]

River flinched at his outburst, struggling to remain standing there and just takingwhatever he gave her.

She deserved it, after all, for lying to him, for trying to keep his true biology from him. But she had truly believed this was the best way for him to live and survive without more fear than necessary. She had never failed to tell remind him to be careful because of her human DNA, hoping that itwould be enough to convince him that it was her fault he was more mortal and why he could have less regenerations. River never expected him to learn the truth.

Then again, she also never expected him to be like this either. Not that impossiblelittle boy she held in her arms when he was born and not the one she had taught to walk, or kept busy with some bit of technology while she lectured to her classes. Even after their biggest fights, she never imagined he’d act like this because she was scaredfor him.

River took a deep breath, standing straighter and watching him as he continued, shaking her head. “Would you have been any different if I told you? Would you have acted any differently? Because I don’t think so.”

She sighed, shaking her head. “I can’t go anywhere. Not with you like this.”

[captainofnxthing]

His eyes narrowed into a harsh glare as he saw her shake her head at him. How DARE she judge him now after admitting to what she had done. The Captain would never deny what he had did could be wrong on so many levels sometimes. He knew that. He didn't care. --- But he had NEVER lied to his own family. That was never something even this twisted version of him would stoop so low to do.

And now his mother had gone and admitted to doing it. Centuries after she had done it, he may add. She had kept that lie for centuries. Only to reveal it now when it suited her. To get her own way. Get him to act the way she wanted him to. The Captain had been told he was despicable. Now he knew who he got it from.

"Yeah, you THINK. We don't actually know, do we?   We will NEVER know. Because it never happened.   If you're so confident that you know that's right, why   don't you run along to a parallel universe and check,  little miss know it all?"

Maybe she was right and whether she had told him or not, he didn't know. He didn't actually care either. Because it didn't take from the fact she chose to lie to him. No matter what way to tried to spin it, it wouldn't take away from the CRIME she committed. A crime he would make sure she paid for once he'd calmed down for five minutes. Something her lingering presence wasn't helping with.

"I'm going to get worse if you stay. Especially after I've   told you to go once already. You've said all you can say,   now. I've heard all I needed to hear. I don't want to hear   any more excuses or justifications. 'Cause if I do, I will   crack your pathetic little skull into two without blinking.   You got that, Professor? Good. Now go. I've asked you    twice now."

[badlucksong-deactivated20160115]

      ❛ so, i was thinking we could do, like, a weird-ass ALTERNATIVE christmas. ❜

[captainofnxthing]

"Weird-ass alternative Christmas? Given this   idea is coming from you, I'd say it sounds   awful, if not terrifying. But I'll bite. What do you   mean by this 'weird-ass alternative Christmas   thingy?"

[captainofnxthing]

🎁 Elf 🎄(2003) Sentence Starters

"You're, uh, you're probably here about the, Uh, the story."

"I-I'll bet you didn't know that about elves."

"Only two weeks left till Christmas!"

"What in the name of Sam hill Is that?"

"I was his/her adopted father."

"Treat every day like Christmas."

"There's room for everyone on the Nice list."

"The best way to spread Christmas Cheer is singing loud for all to hear."

"Well, silly as it sounds, a lot of people down south don't believe in Santa Claus."

"I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins."

"I'll be okay, I just need a glass of water."

"Oh, by the way, don't eat the yellow snow."

"First off, you see gum on The street, leave it there. It's not free candy. Second, There are, like, 30 ray's pizzas. They all claim to be the Original, but the real one' son 11th. And if you see a sign that Says "peep show," That doesn't mean that They're letting you look at presents before Christmas."

"We're gonna go ices skating and... And eat sugar plums."

"Well... he is on the naughty list."

"Does someone need a hug?"

"Santa! San-- uh, nope!"

"[Gasps] Beautiful! Looks like a Christmas tree."

"You're not supposed to be Down here!"

"Why you smiling like that?"

"Santa!!! Oh, my god!!! Santa here?! I know him! I know him!"

"You are very good at decorating that tree."

"I'm just trying to get through the holidays."

"How come you were in the women's locker room this morning?"

"They're kind a pissed about this."

"'Cause if I go, we all go."

" By the way... I think you have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole wide world."

"You smell like beef and cheese. You don't smell like Santa."

"Just who the heck are you, And what is your problem?"

"I thought maybe we could make Gingerbread houses, And eat cookie dough, and go Ice skating, and... And maybe even hold hands."

"He got mad at me."

"You know, it's a little complicated, but it's nothing that we can't handle."

"Is there sugar in syrup?"

"Clearly he has some serious issues. We can't just throw him out in the snow."

"Well, this is really something. I'm usually the one making breakfast."

"I planned out our whole day. First, we'll make snow angels for two hours, and then we'll go ice skating and then we'll eat a whole roll Of Toll-House cookie dough as fast as we can, and then, to finish, we'll snuggle."

"How'd you get this number?"

"You know, we could sit here and point fingers all day."

"So, good news... I saw a dog today."

"I really wanted to see you, and... and I think you're beautiful, and I, um... I feel really warm when I am around you, and, um, my tongue swells up. So... Do you wanna go eat food?"

"You have such a pretty face. You should be on a Christmas card."

"You know, I know I sound like a broken record, but we are buddies. You're my best friend, that's it. You're my best friend."

"Call me elf one more time!"

"Get out of my life! Now!"

"I don't belong anywhere."

"There seems to be a strange man dressed as an elf wandering through central park."

"I didn't mean anything I said back there, not a word."

"You believed in me."

"Christmas spirit is about believing, not seeing."

"Come on, give me your hat and coat."

"I'm getting too old for this job."

"Come here, little one."

[captainofnxthing]

@weapxnism liked THIS for a starter

His head is POUNDING, his visions blurring. He doesn't even dare try to walk, just knowing that if he does, he's bound to fall over. His mouth is like sand paper, and he slowly reaches out from the sofa for the bottle of water his sister had kindly placed on the coffee table. Though he would have prefered it if she had just GIVEN it to him. His memory is compromised; he could have sworn they were supposed to be have been on a mission. So why is all the evidence suggesting he's gone binge drinking?

"What even HAPPENED last night?"

[jimmriarty]

sherlock meme: five relationships [2/5] → sherlock holmes & greg lestrade

[captainofnxthing]

@thexthdoctor

liked THIS for a starter

His eyes are wide to start with, almost like a deer in headlights, just staring at the man in front of him. No words, nothing. Just silent staring. That carries on for a few seconds, then his brow arches, like he's silently questioning why the hell he's here. And then his eyes narrow into a glare. He's trying way too hard to be threatening and scary, and yet it's probably STILL not working.

            "No. No, no, no. No. No, no. No. This isn't fair. No.                 --- Back off, sandshoes! This is MY case, not yours."

[badlucksong-deactivated20160115]

closed ; @captainofnxthing ;

        ❛ james !! james james !!! jAMES JAMES JAMES !!!! ❜

[captainofnxthing]

"Bloody hell, calm down will ya'?! I heard you   the first time. --- Now, what do you want THIS   time, hmm?"

[captainofnxthing]

[Hiya! LIKE FOR A STARTER]

[lannasroleplaymemes]

Send “I’m scared” for your Muse crawling into mine’s bed after a nightmare.

Inversely, send “What are you afraid of?” for a role switch.

[sarahmcfadyen]

[spoilersandguns-archive]

The elongated pause was worrying her even more than his self-imposed solitude had. Of course, this was a lot for him to adapt to, both the new body and new everything that they all would have to get used to, but if they could get even one stepcloser to what they currently were, then River would be more than happy. He looked like he was the tiniest bit more relaxed than he had been when she first walked into the room, now it was just a matter of actually getting him to leave it.

She smiled and nodded as he finally answered, glancing back toward where her husband had been sulking since they had returned home. “It’s your dad,” she hummed, shaking her head softly and looking back to James, “Sorry, sweetie, but I don’t think he’s capable of eating anything remotely normal.We might just have to deal with watching him eat whatever he decides is appropriate. If we’re lucky, it won’t be too disgusting or embarrassing this time. At least not enough to regenerate.”

River nudged him slightly, her smile brighter. Maybe James didn’t look the way he used to and maybe things would be difficult for a little while, but that attitude of his still hadn’t changed and he was still discernably her son. that was all she could ask for.

With a light sigh, she stood, spinning and smiling down athim. “Take a shower and get changed and we’ll go get you food.  I’m not going anywhere with you untilyou do that.”

[captainofnxthing]

He smiled softly as she nudged him. "Yeah you've got a point there. Actually, he's not capable of ANYTHING normal, really. As long as I don't die from embaressment and regnerate I'll be okay. --- Don't want to be getting a new face again anytime soon."

It was supposed to have been a joke, but it came out a lot more serious than he had intended. Mainly bcause he was serious. He didn't want to regenerate any time soon. Ever again, in fact. But he knew he would have to eventually when this body got far too old to function. But at least that was WAY into the future...

Before he could worry her any further he gave her smile before standing up, stretching his legs. He didn't even want to admit how long he had been sat in that exact position for. But let's just say it had been a long while. "Sounds fair. Give me about an hour? --- You probably know already, but these curls are hard to tame. And I think they're gonna be even more uncooperative after they’ve been through the shower. 

[timelordinaustralia]

Get to know me meme | favourite female characters [1/10]   ↳ River Song

“Hush, now — spoilers.”

[silenceweapxn-deactivated201512]

it wasn’t a shock to her. she had done this to him plenty of times. and she wasn’t angry. it’s not like she was sleeping, and she was sure her brother  could tell. the coffee was already missing half the pot. typically that happened when the nightmares were bad again. she was mostly angry that there was no ‘hey, sis!’ or anything. but she sucked it up, handing him the cup of coffee she opened the door with, and sighed. 

misty turned on her heel, going to find all of the things  he asked - demanded - of her. she moved past the table that was covered in files and papers all about the one  thing that keeps her up at night. her damn past. – misty came back down the hallway with everything he asked  of her. two rolls of duct tape, a case of pins, and both cable AND string. he could never say she wasn’t dedicated to his cause. 

“– - so what? did you find a way to bring gallifrey back for dad or are you setting up traps in my house?” she paused. “– - or are you fixing a wound with the worst materials you could use?” 

[captainofnxthing]

Taking large gulps from the mug of coffee he stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. Honestly, he hadn't noticed she even had a cup of coffee in her hands until she gave it to him. Wasn't it 2AM? 2AM and she's drinking coffee. Something wasn't right. And James made a mental note to ask her about it once he'd gone through with his plan.

He smiled brightly as she returned with all the things he'd asked for. Cable AND string, even. He could always trust Misty to come through no matter what. Which was why he'd come straight to her in the first place.

"You can't use cable, string and pins to pull a whole PLANET from one universe to another, Misty, be realistic." He downed the rest of the coffee, holding out the empty mug to her. "But I am doing the next best thing. And since you so kindly provided me with what I need, how d'you fancy joining me?"

[captainofnxthing]

@silenceweapxn

"I need duct tape, bobby pins, some cable or   string... and a cup of coffee. Prefferably   already at drinking temperature. --- Go on,   get me it. Now."

That's it. There's no explanation as to why he's been banging manically on her front door at 2AM. Nor is there an explanation as to why he needs this stuff. He just stares expectantly, waiting for her to bring him what he's asked her to get. --- Well, TOLD her to get.<

[spoilersandguns-archive]

River flinched at his outburst, shaking her head fervently, trying desperately to find a way to make him understand. He had focused on the absolutely wrong part of the conversation, hadmissed the meaning she was trying so desperatelyto make him see – and now the damage might be irreparable.

“James! That is not true, and you know it. Just because his blood isn’t within you, doesn’t erase everything he did to help raise you.”

He could hate her and call her a horrible mother all he wanted, but she wasn’t goingto allow him to drag his father’s name through the mud, too. The Doctor tried to be their father,and she knew that he struggled with the fact that he truly wasn’t every day, but River felt he did a great job regardless.

And now her son was acting like it wasn’t worth a thing.

“I told him not to tell you. I convinced him that it was better that you didn’t know. And it doesn’tmatter.”

She huffed, angrily wiping at her eyes as her son continued to be a complete idiot. “Youwere born with regeneration energy, we just didn’t know how much. We didn't tell you because we didn’t want you thinking you were different from us and loved you less.  And it wouldn’t be any different if he was your actual father because, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m human. Even if he was your biologicalfather, there was the chance you’d take more after me than him and be in the same situation. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re acting like an idiot now and could easily runthrough the remainder of the life you have because of it.”

River sighed, shaking her head. “Hate me all you want, James, but maybe someday you’ll actually see and understand the truth.”

[captainofnxthing]

"You're just not getting it, are you?"

It was like she was stupid or something. Did she honestly think she has any right to lecture him NOW, after what she had just confessed to doing? No. James understood the points about his biology, there was always a risk he wouldn't have precisely thirteen regnerations. In a way that's why he did what he did these days. To scare people off. So they wouldn't pick a fight. So he wouldn't die for good. --- Not for a long while anyway. No it wasn't any of that, that was making James as angry as he was.

What was making him angry was the fact she had lied to him. Got his dad the Doctor to lie to him. That was something she couldn't blag her way out of. To him, it was unforgiveable. Maybe even something that would put her on his enemy list for the rest of their days.

"You LIED to me! For YEARS! You were my mum,   someone I was supposed to trust. And I did. I   stupidly trusted you and then you tell me this?! I   don't care about wasting renegerations. I know I   only have myself to blame for that. What I care   about is one of the few people I trusted me most,   broke that trust the moment I was born."

He gritted his teeth as he turned his back to her, rubbing his face with his hands and he took slow, deep breaths. He was finding it hard to be around her. Every part of his brain was telling him to hur her. After all, that's what happened to people that tried to hurt him or the one person he still actually cared about. Anna. She could forgive him for a lot of things apparently. But he doubted hurting his own mother would be one of them. And he'd be damned if he let the lying BITCH be the one to push her away from him.

"You need to leave now, River. Now go. --- I   won't say it again."

[captainofnxthing]

Ho ho ho. Just a quick update to show people I'm not dead.

So let’s start where the last post left off; about me going back to my boss and saying I could go back to work. Last post I was still awaiting a call. Well guess what? He never called. At all. --- So I’ve gone and found another job at another restaurant. It pays less, but it’s just until I find something with better pay. Which my mum has been helping with me giving my name to her new work. She works in a care home, and I have a Level 2 Health and Social Care qualification so... it’s useful. --- But yes, new work is seriously un-organised and p much works of skeleton staff the whole time and it’s literally so shit because I’ve done 3 shifts and have had no training. I was just thrown into it day one... so I did things to me own initiative. Then my manager comes in on my third shift, tells me what I’ve been doing is wrong, tries to train me, and then pisses off within an hour. And my staff number there isn’t working, and they phoned up training office a week ago and I still haven’t heard anything. So they’re gonna have a very pissed of Johanna next shift.

Second, but really the most important thing is, IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY ON SATURDAY. I am 18 and officially and adult in every aspect. I had a house party and got sloshed. My sister sent me and the guys a party package and it had tequila in it and we were doing shot after shot of the nasty stuff. And I got onto about my 11th shot of it and I PUKED INTO MY WIG. Least I know I’m a pro and washing my wig drunk now tho.

Speaking of my sister... I went to see her and my nieces a week before that in Wales. As well as cousins from my mum’s side of the family. And one of them took me to a pub while I was still under age and got me shit faced. Everyone was laughing at us in the morning because I’m p sure we both woke up drunk. Anyway, here’s a cute photo of my and my nieces and sister.

College is same old same old. We’re at the end of our assignment of making a magazine and now we get to shoot and edit and television advert which I’m really excited for! Teachers are awesome as well, we played cards against humanity with one of them the other day... It was wonderful.

Anyway, so there’s a life update. I am alive. Just well... busy really. At this point I’m done promising replies. They will obviously come at some point though. It’s just obviously meeting family I never met before took priority at the moment.