My brothers and I should be in each others arms, but
We are men.
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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if i look back, i am lost
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@captainstickyhands
My brothers and I should be in each others arms, but
We are men.
And just like that I’m thrust back into this set of feelings that I felt were inescapable.
For such a brief period of time I felt the blood come back to my fingertips and my mind begins to wander
But just like that I was proven right. Even if for just a brief period I thought I was out of this endless loam
But no
I’m still lost in the water
Please
I thought I had begun my way out
But I’m still just lost in the water
It’s endless black and all I can be blinded by is the moons reflection on the curving horizon
I really thought I was out of it this time
But just like that I’ve been thrust back into the very middle of this endless roiling
The whole day I tried to shake it off
But I’m here again, just lost in the water
For such a small period I thought it was possible to not feel this way
But again I have been thrust with violent force back into the center of this thing.
I don’t want to feel this way anymore and day by day instead of swimming out I want to turn downward and keep kicking until I’m too far to come up for air
I don’t want to look at a tv illuminated corner anymore
I want to kill myself
I want to kill myself
I don’t want to reflect myself and reflect it into a popcorn ceiling anymore
I want to kill myself
I want to lull myself
Matt Lifson, Falling in love with the poison you slap in my mouth, 2020
Oil on linen
It just gets so dark, that it’s annoying to grasp at helping hands
Especially if those hands are angry when the grab at you
I can feel when you pull me out of the mud
Trust me
I can tell when the knuckles of your endeavor at earnest
Also sometimes, I can tell you want to push my head under the tar of my seemingly infinite bad luck
And I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry
Trust me
I want to drown in tar as much as you want me to
I’m getting drunk and listening to creed before my interview at McDonald’s.
I am at rock bottom, lol
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I want to start over again
I want to start over again
I want to restart
I want to start over
I need to start over
Please forgive me if I start over
Please forget me if I start over
It’s ok if I start over
For the both of us, if I start over
I’m not ok and need to start over
Is it selfish to keep starting over
Is it selfish for you to start me over
Is it wrong to turn the starter over
Is it ok if I just start over
And try to be someone else somewhere else
Starting something else
Over and over and over again
Till I get it right
Is it ok if I do that
Would you agree to let me start it all over if you trusted that I’d do it right this time?
this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen
When.may. I
It’s so much to ask, but when may I
When may I taste
When may I feel
When may I follow
When may I pour myself completely into a new container
I know I’m asking a lot
But that’s what you should ask of me
When may we connect
When may we siphon
When may we taste each other forever and be quenched?
For a single second. For just one second, you forgot who I was. Now I will forever feel forgotten.
I will never forget you.
At the first mention of the name Morgan I pray with blood soaked rosary it’s you.
I’ve never prayed, but I think the way Ive begged your name to lever leave me, is the same
The brass beads will rotate in my hand
And as each fingertip runs a calloused fingerover each bead, in the name of muscle memory
I won’t forget
1963 Mercedes 600, 52nd & Park Ave | March 2022
May 1978 | Vol. 153, No. 5