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@captainwigglesocks-blog
Hello!
I never actually introduced myself when I made this blog. My name is Jaspre! I have the Mental Illness™ and I like to share the weird things I think and hear! I made this blog when I was in high school, and now I'm a teacher! I will continue to share out of pocket shit from my life! And thanks for being here!
A list of threats I've given my students:
If you don't get back to work, I'm going to...
Turn you into a corn on the cob
Turn you into a chicken nugget and feed you to a flock of seagulls
Turn you into a guinea pig and put you on a ferris wheel
Turn you into a pile of feathers and stuff a pillow with you
"I can only read minds from 3AM to 5AM."
-my coworker, to a student who refused to speak because he was mad
In my classroom, one year, we had a wall of crucified Chicken Little drawings. No, I will not elaborate.
A kid once stepped on my foot while coloring and then said "Sorry, coloring makes me steppy."
"Hey peanut!"
-another teacher to a student, on accident
My coworker had to make a classroom rule of "No Malicious Farting" because we had a student who would come and fart next to her when he was mad at her
Me: What letter is this?
Student: 9?
Me: You smell good
My girlfriend: I smell like a dryer
Me: Can I sleep in your dryer?
"You just went from a hot milf to a hot librarian and I don't know how to feel about that."
-my girlfriend (I was wearing makeup and I put my glasses on)
Me: Why was your pencil in my slipper?
My friend, Nick: WHY WAS YOUR SLIPPER AROUND MY PENCIL?!
biblical instant cheese
"Yo dude, can I catch a ride in your afro?"
-someone from high school
Friend: Oh, look, it's a thumb
My girlfriend: If your thumb is this hairy, you shouldn't have a thumb
"Toss me an axe and I'll toss you a dead chicken"
-a lyric from "Hokus Pokus" by ICP
Hello humans, welcome aboard the USS Macaroni
"Crackers can't talk."
-my nephew circa 2018