The Untamed, as seen by Lan Qiren, who is more than happy to blame Wei Wuxian for everything
Hereâs the situation, and this is exactly what happened, is: thereâs a demonic cultivator loose in Cloud Recesses. I think eventually everythingâs going to be okay, but I have no idea whatâs going to happen next. And neither do any of you, and neither do your masters, because thereâs a demonic cultivator loose in Cloud Recesses. Itâs never happened before, no one knows what the demonic cultivator is going to do next, least of all the demonic cultivator! Heâs never been a demonic cultivator before, heâs as confused as you are. Thereâs no experts. They try to find experts in Jin Clan. Theyâre like, âWeâre joined now by a man that once saw a corpse in the port.â Get out of here with that shit! Weâve all seen a corpse in the port. This is a demonic cultivator loose in Cloud Recesses!
When a demonic cultivator is loose in Cloud Recesses, you got to stay updated. So all day long you walk around, âWhatâd the demonic cultivator do?â The updates, theyâre not always bad. Sometimes theyâre just odd. Itâll be like, âThe demonic cultivator caught some fish?â I didnât know he knew how to do that.
The creepiest days are when you donât hear from the demonic cultivator at all. Youâre down in the library like, âHey, has anyoneâŠhas anyone heardââ [imitates flute music] Those are those quiet days when people are like, âIt looks like the demonic cultivator has finally calmed down.â And then ten seconds later the demonic cultivator is like, âIâm gonna use resentment energy to combat vengeful spirits. Iâve got a nice flute and a sharp sword, Iâm a demonic cultivator!â Thatâs what I thought youâd say, you dumb fucking demonic cultivator.
And then, then you drink tea with people and theyâre like, âThere shouldnât be a demonic cultivator in Cloud Recesses.â And itâs like, âWeâre well past that.â Then other people are like, âIf thereâs gonna be a demonic cultivator in Cloud Recesses, Iâm going to kidnap the heirs to all the clans and kill everyone who doesnât cooperate.â And those donât match up at all.
And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the demonic cultivator, and then, 5,000 miles away, Wen Ruohan was like, âI have three pieces of the Yin Iron and Iâm going to send my son to blow up Lotus Pier!â And before we could say anything, the demonic cultivator was like, âIf you even fucking look at Lotus Pier, I will pipe your son to death with my flute. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can pipe your son to death with my flute, Iâm so fucking crazy.â
âYou think youâre fucking crazy, Iâm a fucking Wen, I live in fucking Nightless City, Iâm fucking crazy.â
And all of us are like, âOkay, okay, okay.â Like poor Jiang Yanli at those goddamn family reunions. âOkay, okay, okay, okay.â
And then, for a second, we were like, âMaybe the Second Young Master will catch the demonic cultivator.â
And then the demonic cultivator is like, âI have married the Second Young Master.â