We were everything the Universe could offer two people.. I've never known anyone to have what we once had.
vanished leaving nothing but a shell.
No single loud noise. No sacred betrayal that I know of.
Even those I didn't understand yet. Even those I hated about myself.
I Let you assign them worth.
But I took the greatest leap of faith I've ever taken. I handed myself over to you.
In my entirety, with my imperfections, my entire being...I gave it to you to protect, care for and grow.
We had it all. Because one another was all we needed. Earthly parts made spiritually and physically whole.
certain it was magical, authentic and one of a kind. A once in a lifetime coupling of two souls made one. But I'm ,
unable to prove it now. There is no evidence that we ever existed in that capacity.
this is not what it looked like or felt like or shined like.
You don’t see me anymore. You don't need me anymore. You don't want me anymore. We are not one. We split like a fault line in the desert. Nothing to hold onto so we wouldn't fall into the center of the Earth and melt into nothing. Enveloped by something I no longer recognize.
You audit me.You judge me. You hate me. You resent me.
Of what you now think I've taken from your life
to something I didn’t know
as incomplete and undeserving
I carefully curate my words when I have the energy.
I quietly slip on your shoes and walk a mile in them hoping I'll see what you see and be able to fix things.
So many curveballs in a game we didn't sign up to play.
Obstacle after trial after tribulations...repeat.
Somewhere between the hardships we began blaming one another, mistrusting one another, lying to one another, withholding everything from one another including love. And it happened without permission from either of us. I never wanted this. I didn't know "this" could exist between us. Our spiritual soil was too fertile sow such disdain, mistrust, resentments and pain. We were where everything good grew. We had everything the sun had to offer and we basked in its glory. We were illuminated. But now we're lucky to exist in the dark together. Not even the moons shadow will cast its glow upon us.
Decades of not feeling good enough were replaced with your love. Decades of deep sorrow reshaped into joy by your love. My entire reason for living shifted to include the most magical passionate love I had ever felt in my life.
I've never missed something more in my life than I miss us
I am experiencing the worst kind of writer's block. I know how I want the story to end but I haven't a clue how to compose it or execute it.
I can't quite tell if the main character has already been killed off or is just waiting for the right script to make his comeback.
How did something as big as our love, the love we once shared, slip through the tiny cracks of life. How did we let it get to this point.
I will forever look at your name in permanent ink on my finger, the finger that leads directly to ones heart, and know that it was always meant to be there. It will always stay there and it will always mean as much to me as it did the day I got it... which is everything, everything and always.
If this is in fact the final chapter. If we are writing the last lines in real time I will shelf this book having learned more about myself and love in these past few years then I did in the entirety of my life including every person that I've ever shared space and time with. For that I remain eternally grateful. But make no mistake that the gratefulness would be blanketed with the greatest pain, sorrow and suffering one human can take.
