Les Problemes Du Bête

[carlemondemedeteste]

Once In A Lifetime

What would constitute the perfect day for you? Would it be the days you stay home and forget about all of the troubles of the world? Going out with your friends or simply spending the day with someone you love? What about the moments that are once in a lifetime? The moments we truly thrive for; the short time that truly changes the path of our future. Honestly, we have so many opportunities in our lifetime to find these moments. Graduation, travel abroad, that concert with all of your closest friends. so why not relish the opportunities that mean most? Maybe it's not about the days that we spend having fun or relaxing, but about the moments that make us who we are. That define our character and our lifetime. What would my favorite day be? Something once in a lifetime.

[carlemondemedeteste]

It's kinda funny when everything is going to shit. Life sucks and the sheets shielding you from the cold world are also your vice. The world is your oyster but now you're the pearl trapped inside of it. I don't think a pearl knows how to get out. Ive finally said that yea everything is going to shit, but I've learned things go to shit for a lot of people and it's about having someone there with you saying hey, let's get better. People to make you smile and people who still give a shit about you. So yea things are going to shit, but I'm thankful for the people who still want to give a shit. For me, it's not screaming on the overpass that I want to get better. It's a mental health specialist visit next week and sitting down with my best friend asking how we're going to get through this together. Maybe it's not much, but small steps are still steps aren't they?

[carlemondemedeteste]

I think we left a lot of things unfinished along the way. Notes and stories and writings can sit on pages in locked boxes deep within dusty attics, but it was the unfinished feelings that always found us in the end.

[inkskinned]

it is raining and i want to curl into your body because on days like this i remember that i am very small and that the universe is sometimes unfeeling enough to separate two people who should be wrapped around each other and watching the rain fall. it is raining and sometimes i am unfeeling, too, so i forgive the universe, but trust me when i say i was where i could touch you, where we could both make forts out of blankets and eat popcorn and watch a movie and on days like this, rain just makes me lonely. i am so tiny, astronomically, and you are not here to witness me.

[carlemondemedeteste]

I think the worst thing is when you're so scared that you'll never love someone the same as you loved someone else. To the same level that your soul desires theirs. I think that's the scariest of all.

[carlemondemedeteste]

See I think the scariest part isn't when you think you like someone, it's when you think you love them. Because that crush you had in high school flew out of your mind in the middle of a storm one night, but the one you told years ago that you loved? They were the nightmare you had during that storm. And it's not even about loving someone, it's about figuring out what the fuck love is sometimes. And figuring it out far too late, and the next time just when you think they knew, you gotta figure it out again. And it's so easy to trick ourselves into thinking this or that to say we love someone. We don't want to let them go or we're just happy with them. It's love, but what form of it? I want to know the kind that hopeless romantics dream of every time they close their eyelids. And this might all seem like nonsense but what I'm trying to say is how do you love someone you hardly even know; but how do you not love someone that makes your soul feel at home?

[carlemondemedeteste]

I wish I could tell you what love truly felt like so I could describe to you how hard I'm falling.

[carlemondemedeteste]

God damn I used to be fucked up

[carlemondemedeteste]

If regrets were but learning experiences I could say I still have one Because loss is not something learned But a pain well felt. And if you were my only regret then You'd be my only true accomplishment For I haven't yet experienced a moment In which I more became myself than the moments I knew you

[carlemondemedeteste]

There are days - moments really - at which I feel I must write, such as the lightning extrudes my fingertips and the words imprint themselves upon a screen (for my writing is far too messy to hold any tangible emotion, and yes I know used tangible).  And it is moments like this that I am able to write. Yet I haven’t felt this feeling for a while. I’ve felt stifled and stuffed amongst those who just began to learn English. Like words were throne and I but an undeserving pariah. 

[carlemondemedeteste]

It is in moments like this that a friend should understand that I am irrevocably sad. And I wish someone would just be willing to hug me and say things will be fine, without the need for me to say, I am in fact, quite sad. And it's 2 am and I haven't spoken to many people all day, but there's a single picture that I reblog when I miss a certain someone and people who know me well enough should realize just who I reblogged it from and thus my current state of mind. I don't like to forget people and I think that's my biggest flaw.

[carlemondemedeteste]

Small

Why do things have to hurt if we know they’re coming? I could have seen this. It just wasn’t right. I wanted futures and moments. I just want to be happy, ya know? Like someone really cares about me like I care about them. Yea I stopped caring as much about things in the end, but that doesn’t mean I changed how I felt. The last few days were actually a lot better than I thought. Maybe things were going to be okay. But it ended up in explosions of who’s she and you’re a piece of shit. Why don’t people ask questions any more? I’m scared too, but if I’m so curious I’ll ask before I explode. Quit exploding on people. Quit the anger that kills loves and burns the hearts from the roots. If you’re so scared as to them loving someone else, don’t put the fear of losing you into their eyes. But let their tender of consoling you make you feel loved. Don’t accuse, just listen. Some people hide from the world because they’re too scared of it sometimes. It hurts when you become something they’re scared of too. And in those moments where the world is far too vast, sometimes all they need is the embrace of two arms and a voice saying "we’re bigger if we stick together.” Maybe then we won’t feel so small.