summary: carlos and his favorite race engineer ranting to each other after the texas grand prix
word count: 1765
warnings: not proofread, swearing, not much plot (based off this request by @lostingoogletranslate )
“So, yeah, that just about concludes what happened in our race today. It was a good effort from everyone,” y/n offered the team a sad smile. Despite Red Bull winning the Constructor’s Championship, she tried to keep morale up so they’d bring the fight to Mercedes for P2, “Any questions?”
“Uh, yes, can you say again what happened into turn 1?” Carlos questioned, his voice heard over everyone’s headphones. Charles looked to Carlos, narrowing his eyes at him. Not that the Spaniard noticed, of course. He was too fixated on the race engineer’s face to pay much mind to the Monegasque seated next to him.
hi congrats on 500! i’m an absolute sucker for angst so i would very much enjoy carlos breaking my heart w prompt 12
thank you girly!! im so sorry this took so long, i hope this is okay <3
❃゜・。. ・°゜✼ ゜°・ . 。・゜❃
“So what now?” You whisper, sitting on the edge of your bed. “What of us now?”
Carlos is silent, looking out the window of your shared apartment. He looks at the bustling streets beneath him, the people walking past each other and continuing on with their lives. Your question hangs in the thick air, begging for an answer. He isn’t sure what to say, his heart aching.
It was his mistake that put your relationship in this spot. The point of uneasiness, the point of making you unsure how to love him. It was his mistake, his infidelity, broadcasted for the world to see. It was him kissing a girl at some club while you were home, waiting for his call. This was all his fault.
“I’m sorry.” He finally says, voice thick with guilt and sadness.
“You’ve said it a thousand times Carlos, it doesn’t change a damn thing.”
His name has never sounded so bitter from your mouth. Tears well up in his eyes, but he is quick to wipe it away. “I know. I just don’t know what else to say. Because I know that there isn’t anything I can say to change what has happened to us.”
Carlos finally turns around to look at you, taking steps to sit at the opposite end of the bed. He doesn’t try to move any closer, to reach out for you, even when his body is burning for you. He keeps his distance, because he knows you’d rather leave than be near him. And he’d do anything to make you stay right now.
“This is your doing,” You say, voice wavering with sadness. “This is all your fault.”
“I know.”
“I can’t trust you anymore.”
“I know.”
He can’t look at you as you devolve into another mess of tears, face in your hands as you sob. You mourn your broken heart, the broken relationship laid out before the both of you. You cry of helplessness. Carlos can feel his heart shatter beneath his ribs at the sound of your cries.
“I love you.” He says.
“Please.” You whimper, “Don’t.”
“I love you.” He says again.
“Carlos.”
“I love you.” He turns to look at you, eyes bloodshot and glossy with tears.
You nod sadly, voice raspy as you utter the words back. “I love you.”
That’s when he breaks, moving to his knees as his face falls into his own hands as he cries. It’s his turn to mourn what he has broken, and what he may never get back. He cries harder than he’s ever had in his life. Self-hatred festers in him as each tear falls from his amber eyes.
“This is it, isn’t it?” He asks, finally looking back up at you.
I: Now that you’re in Ferrari…what would you tell to young Carlos?
C: Buff…that’s difficult, isn’t it? But…the first thing that I would tell him is: “remember and try to be yourself in f1”
Why? Because it’s really difficult to be yourself in f1 when you are surrounded by cameras and there’s a lot of attention on you…and those things at the end make you vulnerable to not open up and not be yourself.
A thing that I learned, especially when I started to feel comfortable in a team which is McLaren, I said to myself: “I’m going to try to be myself in this new team…I’m going to make the most of this new experience in McLaren. I have a 2 year contract with them so I’m going to say the things that i want to say, do things that i want to do and not feel self-conscious about the situation”
And since that, many people have told me [about the change] and i saw [a positive] reaction in social media…they noticed that since I’m in McLaren [I’m feeling more like myself]…and people associate that with Lando Norris, and I, of course, think that having someone with that self-confidence as Lando has also helped me but overall, I think it was a change in my mentality when I arrived to McLaren.
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