I’ve been thinking of all the parallels and callbacks to the beginning featured in the last few episodes of Ajin anime, and while most of them didn’t have a deeper meaning behind them beyond inspiring a feeling of nostalgia and giving the viewers an impression the story came a full circle in the end, there’s one that particularly drew my attention, and I’d like to consider from a character’s angle.
Namely, Tanaka’s insistence and curiosity regarding the actual intentions behind his rescue.
A considerable amount of time has passed since he’s been freed from that accursed laboratory after a decade of suffering through living hell, a period during which he’s been already disillusioned about humans and ajins alike, has already realized and made peace with his savior’s true motivations behind this grand cause he’s been strung along on first, then embraced as his own and yet — after and despite everything — he’s still being plagued by the question: why?
It’s so important to him for there to be a reason.
What I believe this moment emphasizes is that this entire time Tanaka has been seeking a way of coming to terms with what’s happened to him. Once you strip the righteous rage, the vindication, the need for retribution or some form of justice there’s nothing left but a gaping hole, a huge mass of pain with no avenue to channel it into or rationalize away. When you think about it, it’s no wonder Tanaka would find solace in trying to ascribe to his suffering some higher purpose. A meaning.
Incidentally, he’s offered just that on a silver platter. When he’s found, one can only imagine Tanaka’s extreme state of mind — feeling lost and directionless, on a precipice of despair — and in that pivotal moment, Satou offers him exactly what he needs. A drive, a noble idea of fighting for ajin rights he can easily latch onto. With an added bonus of exacting justice on all corrupted individuals who wronged him, or in one way or another contributed to his worst nightmare.
After everything he’s lost, 10 years of his life wasted and the psychological damage that can’t be undone, he needs to believe for his own sanity’s sake it wasn’t all for nothing. At first, it must seem to him like an abstract concept, notice how for the longest time he was unsure of himself, uncertain of his own place in the group — having trouble fitting in due to his inferiority complex, only capable of following the lead, evident in his own lacking skillset matching his spirit, in spite of his best intentions.
But the time passes, and as their squad gradually becomes a force to be reckoned with, their efforts producing results, they gather more allies. How much comfort and validation must have it brought to Tanaka to be able to share his plight with fellow ajins?
To other rookie members, Tanaka must have been seen as this martyr figure of this great movement, an inspiration to act and unite them together, a symbol and a constant reminder what they’re fighting for and what’s at stake here, perhaps even idolized judging by the way they immediately adhere to him.
It’s pretty telling how in the anime he’s a figurative cog holding this whole machine together (unlike in the manga where him not being on board is ultimately shown as inconsequential for the rest of the squad — once it has become apparent Tanaka’s plans no longer align with the values of the team, they have no trouble with the idea of letting the unstable element depart towards the humans he made a point he now prioritizes over them) — he’s there to show the others the potential risks and rewards of their movement, to relieve everyone’s worries when Satou’s actions are being put into question, actively functioning as a link between the man at the helm and the remaining of the squad (Satou himself recognizes Tanaka’s importance, clearly, as he only reveals his true intentions to him when he wants to deliberately disband the group and I’m pretty certain Tanaka choosing to not abandon the sinking ship must have come at a surprise even to him).
But just as they all look up to him and ask of him to bear this responsibility, in return he’s being offered an invaluable chance to connect to likeminded and sympathetic individuals. He gains a sense of purpose and togetherness, this obligation toward them serving to ground him and allowing him to grow as a person. It must feel like he’s finally found a place for himself where he belongs, in this antagonistic world, being able to experience camaraderie with fellow ajins in the way he never did in the manga.
Being provided with this sense of importance, acknowledgment and a safety net — the opposite of what humans had to offer, once this was all over, it makes sense Tanaka wouldn’t seek out human company ever again, even if under some circumstances it’d seem a sensible thing to do. He’s gained self-esteem and a sense of worth, not wishing to fit back in among human society, unlike his manga counterpart, still at odds with his own identity.
With the threat of all their combined efforts amounting to nothing, he sees his comrades to safety, his duty toward them seemingly over, however he refuses to depart together with them. How difficult, in Tanaka’s situation must it be to accept the fact him becoming an Ajin was all a matter of chance and the universe never had any greater plan for him, the goal of securing Ajin rights nothing more than a distraction?
I theorize at this point he’s no longer questioning and asking for any higher purpose or meaning behind their actions, now stripped of all pretenses, he’s more interested in Satou’s personal reasons behind helping Tanaka (finding a companion who would willingly participate in his crazy antics, a second player, as hinted by Satou’s backstory with Kemper being his initial choice).
Instead of lashing out at the world, in a way he fully embraces who he is, finding pride in his identity and gains a sense of freedom from it. No longer held by any moral qualms, he selfishly remains by this man’s side, invested in this tie, feeling needed and valued exactly for who he is - an ajin.