Your favorite western American grocer

[carrs-safeway]

Intro post

Hey, it's me, America's favorite west coast grocer, Safeway.

I may not be available but you should call(ask) anyways, I promise customer service is good.

rules

Don't like, be a dick or anything in my askbox or in my reblogs, because people should be treated well.

→ Under this category is not being a bigot.

→→ Yes that means you shouldn't be transphobic, homophobic, islamophobic, antisemetic, etc.

→→→ Yo, zoophiles and pedos are not under this category.

Don't be horny in my askbox, it's just uncomfortable for me.

[i-identify-as-an-ominous-threat]

In wake of the new "Into the Gimmickverse" project, I'm gonna need every gimmick blog to either reply or comment on this post so we can start making a cast list. Have resume's, gimmick and auditions at the ready. We'll be in touch.

[pinterest-totally]

@official-dairy-queen @officially-ikea @officially-mcdonalds @official-microsoftedge @totally-not-kraft-mac-and-cheese @totally-ikea @totallyinnout @totally-official-goodwill @totally-definitely-real-discord @real-sephora @realguitarcenter @real-nokia-i-swear @realhbomax @real-vivaldi-browser @the-real-victorias-secret @the-real-firefox @the-real-ytmusic @the-real-ecosia @googleplayofficialtotally @firefox-official @firehouse-subs-fr @bingle-official

[carrs-safeway]

uhhh, sure?

[dead-doctor]

//do the text doctors count?\\

[the-other-janitor-from-osha]

Maybe the oshaverse?

[carrs-safeway]

and then nothing ever happened

[girlmostlikely]

[carrs-safeway]

hey that looks like mine!

[carrs-safeway]

HOLY SHIT, SAFEWAY??????

I HAVE ONE OF THE STORES BY MY HOUSE AND I LOVE GOING DOWN THERE AND BUYING PARTY SIZE BOTTLES OF OFFBRAND MTN DEW.

AGHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE SAFEWAY.

I don't know what you're talking about. That's not mountain dew at all. It's uh-- citrus soda, my own unique idea.

[7-eleven-offical]

good to know.

well i love your "mountain breeze" soda then.

[carrs-safeway]

As do I.

[carrs-safeway]

HOLY SHIT, SAFEWAY??????

I HAVE ONE OF THE STORES BY MY HOUSE AND I LOVE GOING DOWN THERE AND BUYING PARTY SIZE BOTTLES OF OFFBRAND MTN DEW.

AGHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE SAFEWAY.

I don't know what you're talking about. That's not mountain dew at all. It's uh-- citrus soda, my own unique idea.

[carrs-safeway]

Wait, someone running a gimmick account got sent to a psych inpatient (and posted about it) and then said they killed a deer with their hands? Am I understanding correctly?

Also, you said that group of gimmick blogs was NSFW in some way and thus not suitable for minors? I have never been made more curious by a post before, any chance you’ll elaborate?

it wasn't posted and some people wanted to keep the happenings private but there was a corpoverse discord server that really crashed and burned and iirc got deleted so there's no way of really showing what happened and aside from a few moments and rancid vibes I didn't remember much.

I also don't want to dig up shit as much as remind future gimmicks that you are also building a community and you need to be responsible for making sure it isn't a toxic mess. luckily, the last few verses I've seen pop up seem to be fairly healthy and I have high hopes that even if they don't atick around, they won't crash and burn the same way.

[breadcrumb-offical]

Why is everyone in the Officalverse DEAD or DYING right now

[offical-liechtenstein]

canon event

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

HAH THEIR REIGN IS FINALLY COMING TO AN END

THEIR LIFESPANS WERE MUCH SHORTER THAN THOSE OF US, GREAT GIMMICK BLOGS

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

[femboy-offical]

*Throws a brick at you*

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

WAAAAAAA WHA DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT

[femboy-offical]

OFFICALVERSE BULLYING

DIE BY MY BRICKS!!!

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

NO I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE YOU GUYS WAAAAA LEAVE ME ALONE

[ant-offical]

Hello wiki. We were allies, and you won’t get rid of us easily

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

NO NO NO NO I WAS KIDDING

Friend :(((((

[carrs-safeway]

The officalverse is mostly younger children than the officials.

[carrs-safeway]

also corpocerse beat both of you to the punch

[carrs-safeway]

I see it's someone's birthday and I feel like a wise elder of the gimmickverse warning of the dangers of a corpoverse that got too real while filled with lies. someone said they killed a deer with its hands. his hands! while commited to a mental hospital. honestly that one person was kinda bizarre. but genuinely that community was such a shutdown in regards to sexual topics beyond talked about around people who really aren't comfortable. lotta minors joined when it really wasn't a space for them and no one kicked then out when they admitted to it.

anyways uh... the gimmickverse is storied. maybe I should make a computer history

[jurassitol-deactivated20260130]

So as I learned this morning, none of the accounts on here who are named "Official" are the official account holders for [Insert your favorite flavor of Linux Distro]. They're just harvesting follows from the few of us who care about that nerdy shit. Fool me once. Shame on.

Touché, you silly bitches. It's quite shitty but you know, tell me what isn't anymore on the world wide web?

[nixpkgs-official-deactivated202]

this is so messed up

@nixos-official did you know about this ???

[ed-official]

spreading awareness

[retropieos-official]

Linux sex

[tailsos-official]

Wow this is certified crazy

[minix-official]

So glad this is only affecting Linux blogs

Ya got my back @unix-official

[carrs-safeway]

it only affects linux?

[donesparce]

you dont need the butter pillow you dont need the butter pillow you dont need the butter pillow

[carrs-safeway]

buying from a walmart, I see. there are better stores.

[breadcrumb-offical]

Why is everyone in the Officalverse DEAD or DYING right now

[offical-liechtenstein]

canon event

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

HAH THEIR REIGN IS FINALLY COMING TO AN END

THEIR LIFESPANS WERE MUCH SHORTER THAN THOSE OF US, GREAT GIMMICK BLOGS

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

[femboy-offical]

*Throws a brick at you*

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

WAAAAAAA WHA DID I DO TO DESERVE THAT

[femboy-offical]

OFFICALVERSE BULLYING

DIE BY MY BRICKS!!!

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

NO I'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE YOU GUYS WAAAAA LEAVE ME ALONE

[ant-offical]

Hello wiki. We were allies, and you won’t get rid of us easily

[wikipedia-the-non-official]

NO NO NO NO I WAS KIDDING

Friend :(((((

[carrs-safeway]

The officalverse is mostly younger children than the officials.

[carrs-safeway]

Hi, midwesterner here

Hy-Vee is better imo

(this is non-serious safeway is a cool place)

No one beats our prices! Also there's a 50/50 shot we own whatever Hy-Vee is.

[bloodynosebitch]

never kill yourself. you might see a pink haired trans girl with awesome tattoos at your local safeway and then be way too much of a coward to talk to her but still share a knowing look in the cereal aisle

[pukicho]

Me casually casting meteor shower in a safeway before leaving and going home

[vymp1r3-bl00d]

what is your problem

[pukicho]

haha fuck these dumb idiots

[carrs-safeway]

oww

[carrs-safeway]

“Your favorite western American grocer” idk your gender so bastard (gender neutral), barely anyone even knows how you arrre. - @walmart-the-official

Pft, tell that to Alaska, Oregon, and Washington.

[walmart-the-official]

Wowwww you got 3 out of 50 states. Enjoy your 6% success rate I guess

[carrs-safeway]

You're not even a grocer. I'm older than you. I pioneered the modern form of the grocery store with less reliance on the clerks. L+ratio+unoriginal+bad customer service

[walmart-the-official]

yet with all that somehow I managed to be an even better grocer than you. Get wrecked hateR

[carrs-safeway]

You got big on being a cheap motherfucker.

[walmart-the-official]

and it worked, did it not, dipshit?

[carrs-safeway]

You sell bikes that break in a month.

[walmart-the-official]

you get what you pay for

[totally-ikea]

in my area there are 2 fucking Safeways and 1 Walmart that is literally >3 miles away - WA resident

[carrs-safeway]

See, @walmart-the-official, my customers are more loyal.

[elven-writing]

gotta side with Safeway here. My brother works at safeway and a friend of mine at walmart. Guess who hates their job less.

[walmart-the-official]

Your friend when I bankrupt Safeway

[carrs-safeway]

Bro, what the hell, man?

[carrs-safeway]

in what world am I interesting

[its-target-official]

Woah target I heard you're dating my son are you coming to the feasts

@gladys-official

i am doing WHAT NOW

[gladys-official]

Woah target does your species not show affection by biting?

[its-target-official]

does. does yours?

[gladys-official]

Woah son not as a rule I just hear a lot of my children call corporations blood suckers

[its-target-official]

i mean most corporations tend to have that type of behavior yeah fair point

but your son doesn't have any blood

[carrs-safeway]

Isn't he dead and reanimated or something?

[the-regular-news]

*Superglues collar to your neck*

@the-unofficial-news

Guh-AK! Hey!

*glances downward indignantly* The glue was unnecessary, and I don't like the color.

[the-unofficial-news]

Womp Womp

*spray bottle*

[the-regular-news]

*caglabgugb* Hey! Dishonor upon you! Shame! Hisssss!

[carrs-safeway]

I sense yuri! Or yaoi... I don't know what you are.