How to Stop Being A Shitty White Ally
Soooo, I wasn’t really going to do this because I’m black and tired and not obligated to have to do this, but I’m going to. I’m absolutely sick of seeing so many communities on this site have BLATANT RACISM ALL OVER IT AND NOBODY DOES ANYTHING. As a result, I’m just going to quickly list some things that CAN and SHOULD be done when racist shit happens.
Again, my word is NOT law. I’m speaking MERELY from my experiences as a black person who experiences racism in real life AND on here. If you guys think of anything to add, feel free to add in a reblog.
1) For fuck’s sake, STOP DEBATING WITH POCs HOW THEY SHOULD FEEL ABOUT RACISM. If you’re white, then I’m sorry: you do NOT get it, and you do NOT get the right to lecture, talk down to, or even try to fucking gaslight POCs into feeling like they’re wrong or pushing people away for how they feel about something. Yes, I’m mentioning gaslighting because that HAS happened to me in this RPC over me simply pointing out that racism is bad and that the RPC NEEDS to fight it better. It’s awful, degrading, and genuinely made me feel like I was in the wrong for not wanting to deal with racism AND that what I experienced WASN’T a big deal.
2) Stop writing POCs without doing your research. I’m not saying you can’t write who you want. Please do! However, is it too much to ask that you do at least SOME research before doing so? Like, the amount of times I’ve seen racist or racially ignorant people in the RPC write POCs is actually staggering. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, and it just makes you look WAY worse than you would if you wrote a white muse.
3) Please understand that this isn’t just about YOUR escape. Do you not think that POCs want to escape to? We do! That’s why we write! Make art! Make music! Escape is healthy and good, but it ISN’T good when our ability to escape gets crushed by racism and than our WHITE FRIENDS AND PEERS COMPLETELY IGNORE IT. It’s such a terrible look to bitch and moan about your comfort when you essentially said FUCK your fellow community members.
4) Understand that the RPC seems to be a largely white-dominated place. What does this mean? It means that when muns who are POCs join, please don’t just ignore them when/if they confide in you about a racial issue. The amount of times people in Discord calls JUST GO SILENT AND TRY TO CHANGE A TOPIC EVEN WHEN I’M EXPLICITLY ASKED HOW I FEEL ABOUT A RACIAL ISSUE IS SO EMBARRASSING. It should NOT be like this and it’s so very tiring.
5) Don’t excuse or forgive racist behavior. Listen. I get it – if the person who said something racist or offensive is your friend, it’s natural to want to support them – but if you are WHITE and trying to forgive and/or excuse racist behavior on the behalf of POCs, you are NOT HELPING. You are making the situation WORSE. You are only going to escalate an issue. Yes, there are instances where someone said something racist and GENUINELY LEARNED FROM THEIR MISTAKES, but it is NOT ON WHITE PEOPLE TO BE THE ONES PARDONING AND FORGIVING THEM. You’re utterly fucking delusional if you think otherwise.
6) STOP GETTING MAD AT POCs FOR HAVING FEELINGS WHEN RACIAL ISSUES HAPPEN IN THE RPC. We are ALLOWED to be upset! We are ALLOWED to be sad! We are ALLOWED to distance ourselves to recover if need be! We are NOT pushing people away! We are simply recovering from something you will NEVER understand, and we do NOT need to be grandstanded about how we should or shouldn’t process something. If I’m super upset because I got called a slur repeatedly and nobody did anything, I’M ALLOWED TO BE UPSET AND PUT AS MUCH TIME TO MYSELF AS NEEDED.
There’s so much more I could put here, but I’m tired. The Tumblr RPC has someone being racist so often and while I’m glad people HAVE been less lenient with that shit, I’m seeing the same mistakes be made. Even some of my really close friends have made these mistakes.
Please, please, PLEASE just keep trying to do better. I don’t care if you think I’m on my high horse or not. The life of a POC often means eating a lot of shit in real life when it comes to racism. It is NOT elitist to ask for our white peers to DO BETTER IN WHAT IS MEANT TO BE A COMMUNITY.
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