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@cas-jacobsen
Headcanon: Cas’s future
“The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place.” - Bob Newhart
A few months after last we heard from Cas, he had another breakdown, barricading himself and Natalie in their room for a number of hours. Believing all the world to be dangerous, he threatens to never leave the room. When his brothers could not talk him out of the hallucinations and delusions, the Adams were called before the dire circumstances of the case got a few of the Wolfpack involved, ultimately causing Cas’s secret to come out to the inner circle. Suddenly, his absence after her birth made sense to all. When the commotion outside began to scare Natalie, Cas released her and restrained from doing something to himself.
Despite his terror and vows to take his meds, Cas was admitted until he showed progress with his therapy and medications. He continues consistency with his therapy and meds to this day for the sake of his daughter.
Talie is the love of his life and making her safe is worth every side effect and condition dealt to him by the Wolf Pack regarding spending time with her alone. It was a couple years before even he would allow himself to go unsupervised. His go-to supervisors were Hailey, Cain, or his brothers.
He feels eternal guilt about the time he lost with Natalie and that Griffin had to step in at all, even if it was caused by a mental illness he now must accept he has. She doesn’t remember a time without her father, but he does and it eats him away daily. It’s definitely a twist of the knife when she calls Griffin “Dad”.
Romance is still kept at a distance, with the medications and their side effects, he still feels he’d be a shackle and burden to a partner. (I’m honestly not sure if he ever marries, guys, sorry, but I like to think that it happens eventually.)
I agree with Casey that he and Sherri will have their moments on-and-off (until and if one of them marries another), first loves don’t go away especially when a child is involved. I know he holds out hope for a long time that his schizophrenia would go away, and they could ride off sunset-style, but I think they manage to co-parent, at the very least, beautifully even if they never make it work for them long-term.
Josh does ultimately marry Avery Turner when they are about 22. They are Natalie’s Uncle JJ and Aunt Ave.
Coby dedicates most of his life to watching over Cas, despite the affect on his own social life, but he felt the need to return the care given to them by Cas when they were younger and needed help. He does not marry until his mid-to-late 20′s.
The Kinneys stay involved in the Jacobsens’ lives and become pseudo-grandparents on Cas’s side to Natalie, though I think she might call them Aunt Shirley and Uncle Rich, more like they are her great-aunt and great-uncle. But she gets spoiled rotten at their house.
During Cas’s time, they are regular staples at the Adams’, which does only further add to the bond between Natalie and the Dodger and Adams’ kids. I’m sure Hailey is also teaching them all to dance, while Rod is turning it into dance-fighting HAHA.
Cas hopes to keep his illness from Natalie for as long as possible, he doesn’t want her to feel different or fearful with him. She is precious, and he won’t have her feeling less than because Daddy’s sick. As of 6 years old, she is unaware. Daddy just doesn’t like imaginary friends anymore. He calls his meds his “vitamins” when she sees him take them, but he locks them up so she can’t get to them ever.
He lives for his days with Talie, and sometimes, he thinks about not taking his meds just for those days so he won’t be drowsy, restless, or shaky while she’s there, but he knows he could lose her forever if he has another breakdown so he takes them. He sacrifices himself for her, so they can both live.
She also calls him “Daddy” all her life, no matter how old she gets, he is her strong and loving Daddy. He’s even stronger in her eyes when she finds out about his schizophrenia.
These are my Cas and Nat gifs my friend made me that I never got to use lol:
Babies C have arrived...looks like a couple of daddy’s girls to me. July 10th, 1970.
Last picture I got of the Mama-to-be (again) before the big day, July ‘70
Tyler loved hearing that Robin was doing well. They were really never close as they got older but she was someone he considered his childhood partner in crime. He cleared his throat. “They’re a few hours away by train now. Remember when I went to stay with my aunt a few months ago when she had surgery? It’s only about two and a half hours away but… her husband hates me. He doesn’t approve of my lifestyle choices.” He gave a shrug.
He nodded before his smile faded. Cas couldn’t imagine anyone hating Tyler. One of the good ones who would give you the shirt off his back (if he was wearing one). It seemed to just register that he wasn’t. “Lifestyle choices?” Sounded like something one of the Socs would say. “No one should be kept from family by anything like that,” he said finally.
Tyler brightened up at the mention of Cas’s cousin. “How is Robin doing? I miss her too.” His aunts house was across the street from Robin’s growing up. He could remember countless summer nights of them playing hide and go seek. Robin being as small as she was could always find the best hiding spots.
“She’s doing well, she writes us sometimes. I don’t hear from her as much as I wish I could, but she’s doing her thing and no one is gonna hold her back,” he smiled, glancing down. "Where are your cousins now?” Cas asked, looking up and inadvertently catching Tyler’s gaze, “can you visit them?”
Tyler smiled softly at Cas and nodded. “Yeah, I mean the closest I’ll probably ever have to that are my cousins. It’s hard that they moved away from here.” Away from him. “But at least I know that they have a part of me with them wherever they are. Hell, maybe when they’re old enough they can make the decision to come visit.”
“You’re good with kids, I’m sure you’ll get closer than that. Some of us just started early is all,” he joked, unsure why Tyler was acting like it was too late or impossible for some of his own. “It’s so different when they’re your own.” He paused, “I miss my cousin too, all the time. Closest I got to growing up with a sister, but they’re family. They never really go far.”
Tyler rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth, cheeks flushed just a bit but grinning He was having a good time with Cas, even if their conversation was sort of all over the place. That was what made for good talks though. “Ya know, Natalie has your smile. It’s sweet. My younger cousin looks just like me when I was twelve. It’s so weird to see that sometimes. Does it feel weird to you?”
“You think?” He suddenly smiled even brighter, just the thought of his beloved daughter made him feel overwhelmingly blessed. “It doesn’t, not really. I never cared much about whatever impact I’d make or not make in the universe, then I saw her and it’s like– yeah, like I’ve left a legacy. Somehow, somewhere, there’s me in her. It just reminds me that she’ll have me forever, and she’ll have Sherri forever. You know?”
“Nah, I don’t believe that you could miss your soulmate. Sometimes it could even be the person you least expect.” He gave Cas a look caught between bewildered and amusement. “What? What is it, Castello?” His smile widened at the infectious laughter.
“You really believe a lot in all that, don’t you?” He couldn’t help but smile, it felt normal. In this moment, he felt like everybody else, and that was beyond words. “You have a little…milk there,” he finally spit out, motioning as he continued to snicker a bit.
“Do any of us really know how to be in love? It sort of just happens. You look at that person one day and bam, you find yourself in love. But honestly, I don’t think two loves could ever be the same even if you’re lucky to find it twice, anyway. Different people, different time and place. Different you, even.” Tyler took a drink from his cup, giving himself a milk mustache.
“Yeah, you have a point. I’m not who I was when I met Sherri, not who I was a year ago. Everyone talks about soulmates, and maybe I’m skeptical, but I have to wonder what happens if you miss yours. If life fucks it up for you, or you fuck it up for life,” he shook his head with a half-grin, “I’m not as good at seeing beautiful things as you are.” He stifled another laugh as he noticed the milk mustache, “um, you--never mind.” At that, he couldn’t fight it anymore and started to laugh.
Tyler sucked a deep breath through his teeth. Wow, this conversation was like being on a rollercoaster. “I define being in love as being mutual. It’s a deep affection until it’s reciprocated. So no, not in love. Just deeply…in like?” Tyler smirked. “How bout you?”
Cas nodded in agreement. “I have only ever loved one woman,” he confessed, adding quickly, “in the romantic sense. I’m deeply in love with my daughter, but that’s kinda different. It’s only ever been her mother. I’ve felt a lot for others, strongly in like I guess, but in love, no, only once. I don’t know how to do it again, if I’m honest.”
Tyler was only slightly caught off guard by Cas’s question but it was one he didn’t mind answering. He cleared his throat a bit, a soft smile touching his face. Even though he was no longer with Noah and no longer in love with him, Ty could still look back on their ‘greatest hits’ with fondness. “Acceptance of my past. Seeing the best in me.” Tyler glanced up at Cas then. “Letting me into his darkness and trusting me to turn the light on.”
He listened intently, a slight tug on the corners of his lips, silent until Tyler finished. “I like that,” he mused in a breath, “yeah, I like that.” Not enough people gave Tyler the credit for the wisdom he had beyond his years. He asked quietly, with some hesitation meeting his gaze, “have you been in love since?”
Ty truly did love to hear Cas laugh so it made him smile even if he was a little embarrassed about the whole thing. Not because he was ashamed that it was Bria but more that he knew that she was totally out of his league and it was a pity/lonely fuck on her part. “No, I didn’t love her but right after it happened I was a little infatuated with her for a while up until Griffin was back. I thought I loved her but it wasn’t… Wasn’t until Noah that I realized what love was. He was my… Uh… Other first. Then he went into the military right after and I was so heartbroken and wrote him all the time. I felt like an army wife.” Tyler laughed easily.
He smiled, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his legs. “The first time you’re in love feels like the first time all over again. I don’t like to count my actual first as a first, it was empty. But when it’s real, so is the heartbreak.” He shrugged, laughing at Tyler’s army wife comment, “what is love? I think it’s different for everyone, but you said Noah showed you what love was...what is it?”
Tyler listened to Cas’s first time with a curious expression. He could never imagine just sleeping with a random person he just met but he figured everyone was different. Oh boy, now it was his turn. “First of all, lemme just say that they were semi broken up at the moment.” Ty started, already looking nervous. “I had a horrible day at this roofing job. I was the youngest there so they were jerks to me. Finally I had enough of their shit that day and quit. But not before leaving them up on the roof with no ladder. I stole their donuts and ran to the shack.” Tyler grinned up at Cash, proud of himself in that moment. Just as quick oy he looked slightly embarrassed again. “And there she was. Bria. She was upset because Griff had just left town without telling her and I was there for her. In a few different ways. It just happened. It meant nothing… And everything. But yeah… Bria was my first.”
Cas sat without a word, reserving all judgment for the end. He was sure it was Carmen, considering how close they were, but Bria Martins? His mouth dropped open, and he couldn’t help but laugh: not mocking, more out of shock. “Wow! Bria? She really would have your balls if she knew I knew.” He crossed his finger over his heart, “secret dies with me.” He hesitated, before asking anyway, “did you love her?”
Tyler felt the tension in the room immediately leave at Cas’s question, his face breaking out in a huge, bashful grin. Why did he have to bring that up? “No… she’d have my balls in a jar if I told anyone…” However, he knew that Cas could keep a secret. “I’ll tell you but you have to tell me about your first time.”
Cas laughed, glad to be free of the hard questions. “That tells me it’s definitely a Greaser girl,” he joked. He paused, considering the deal for a moment, “alright, but this dies with us. It’s not much of a story, really. Nothing meant much until-- it's an entirely different experience when you...when it's more. The first time was a girl who came into the record store, she was a band groupie, I guess. And you know me and the music, she didn't have to sell me a chance to see a band perform. We went to smoke in the backseat of her car after, and yeah, that's how it happened. Your turn.”
The only thing I know is this: I am full of wounds and still standing on my feet.
Nikos Kazantzakis (via wordsnquotes)