It's Like Eating Rocks

english, please, be kind with me and I will try to taste you. one immigrant in Toronto and one underground journal.

[casalaz]

Before my land didn’t have alphabetical letters nor did it have a flag. Our people would walk with no clocks, they would eat fresh food and nuts from the forest. I have heard they also would eat some meat-people. Then the ships came with flags, with men and saints to show our people a language, a religion and new objects like mirrors, clothes, forks. Our forest was not only a forest; our forest was fortune to these men. The forest was gold, birds, wood, cotton. We learned how to pray, we learned a language with letters and sentences. We learned how to open our legs to them and our bastard kids were born, one after one like pop corn. itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[casalaz]

My land is big. My land is poor. I can find bananas, pineapples and watermelon everywhere.  The sound of birds can make us deaf. If you pay attention you notice the birds never stop singing. This is the scenario of my land. It's just like a  painting of a room hanging on the wall that no one pays attention to. We walk blindly through the room ignoring the painting because there is too much pain. There is no money to pay the bills. There are no jobs. There are no hospitals. There are only paintings with the colourful birds to remind us of something that we can't remember anymore. But still we are brave. With no money in our pockets, we use our credit card and buy the best deals on sale. Oh, how we are so brave and kind. With every purchase in my land you get a sad smile and a plastic bag.

[casalaz]

I am not like that wax doll

And maybe if I wouldn’t say any word and if I wouldn’t see what I see. Maybe the world wouldn’t see me as un awkward person. I would pass through the path as an ordinary woman carrying ordinary daily concerns, the one everyone should have. Bills, food, food, bills. The weather.  But I don’t even like to use make up. I wash my face with the same soap I wash my body. An than I have more time to search for loose things like his nude eyes. I am always looking for the gaps between the words and the silence. I am a between-person. When I should just know how to get to the point. But I am not like that wax doll that was facing me. And I never get to the point.

[casalaz]

Being an immigrant

Just put the letters together. Put the sound. Mix it and you  will have sentences full of meanings. It shouldn't be so hard. Hey, but I don't recognize my feelings to know how to express myself . My love or my pain are more than letters or sentences. Iam an ordinary woman. There is nothing special about me. I am almost a plain person. I don't have a lot of words to offer but there are still love. There are still pain. They don't live me alone. My loneliness is just a word of 10 letters but they still make me cry. Powerful words. itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[casalaz]

There is a block in my mind. I wish it was this kind of block. English, please be kind with me! itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[casalaz]

Me and my IKEA bag. I will not give up. I will decode you, English! itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[deeplifequotes]

I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past.

Unknown (via deeplifequotes)

[casalaz]

The Asshole

My life is a continuous happening of meeting assholes. Asshole after asshole. itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[casalaz]

The city of Toronto ( I am there but you can't see me)

itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[casalaz]

Mom.

I take care of her in my dreams and she seems happy, with the same eyes I lost one day. itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[casalaz]

A new friend or The city can smile at you

" Why you don't like to be called by your name?" We were  going to the public library.

" I don't like to be linked with any gender."

Andy got on the street car before and I was following her through the crowd. I had no idea what M was saying but I assumed she had her reasons. I was just completely happy to be on a street car with her and her decisions about her name or her gender weren't important to me.

The way she carried about me  and the way she smiled at me gave me a feeling that I was being protected. I had something that I couldn't name when she was beside me. I felt such a relief that I could just look outside, not worrying about a stranger would tell me because M was there beside me as a shield.  

[casalaz]

The obstetrician or How to love this word?

I though I was in a movie that I watched when I was a cleaner in my country. I used to watch movies and they had the most diverse scenarios but the characters always used to speak my language because the movies were dubbed.

itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[writerswritecompany]

Find out more about Louis Auchincloss here

[casalaz]

Don't be stupid, you are undocumented and pregnant! itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com

[casalaz]

The Community Health Center

The Community Health Center at Bathurst and Queen is a house with two floors where you can see angry woman in the front desk, some guys singing and talking loudly, some women, kids, some serious guys complaining about I don’t know what, some people like me, mute, and finally the examination’s rooms that were all behind the front desk. Before the appointment I had to give some information like my name, my position in life and information like sexual orientation witch I didn’t know how to answer because I have no idea what this meant. I was glad they could have me there without being a Canadian resident; they have a spot for people like me witch is very good. While I was waiting for the nurse I read a lot of information about how to take care of my health, how to accept who I am, how to treat scabies, how PAP exams matter for lesbians, how to assemble your diabetes team, etc.

[casalaz]

itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com Thanks for visiting me!

[casalaz]

I didn't like my ass because I didn't know I was supposed to love my ass.

[casalaz]

Being a cleaner. I can be happy too. itslikeeatingrocks.blogspot.com