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Will Byers irl + more ! They / Them ac: paladibun

[castlebyersmailbox]

i guess i'm rebranding this account so heres my introduction !

hello, i'm will ! i am a kinfluid /fictionflicker (not sure which term is correct / widely used) will byers fictionkin ! (main ID/selfhood, i think thats the proper way to say that)

I go by he/him, i'm a transman, very gay, and a minor :)

im also a

- layla (genshin) synpath

- wriothesley hearttype (or linktype, not entirely sure)

- mystic flour cookie flicker-hearttype

- and a snail kemonomimi ! :)

(perchance others...)

because my feelings flicker / shift, that may affect my activity on this blog :(

i am also very new to this whole thing so if anything i say is incorrect, etc please correct me ! i'm trying my best :')

dni: basic dni, pro-🇮🇱/anti-🇵🇸

please interact: other fictionkins in general but especially if you are kin with others from genshin or stranger things, or like any of my interests

-> other interests besides stranger things and genshin include: rwrb, svthsa (basically any finn wolfhard/nicholas galitzine/nick robinson project; i have not watched all of them tho...), kind of danganronpa? getting back into it, hsr, cage the elephant, taylor swift, capri, tdi, crk, lots of other stuff ! :)

[foggity]

Is it a headmate? Is it a fragment? Is it a facet? Is it a persona? Am I subconsciously masking? Am I subconsciously/involuntarily otherlinking/copinglinking? Is it a kinshift? Is it a ’flicker? Is it age regression? Is it a mood? Is it impulsivity? Is it an intrusive thought that I’m reacting to? Is it genderfluidity? Is it pronoun/namefluidity?

Who knows! Who cares! I don’t need to stress about this, it doesn’t matter! It’s a mode that the “I” is in, the way I feel in that moment! And I will make a pluralkit/tupperbox/simplyplural for it so I can express myself and decide the rest later! Or never! These labels are a construct! Personhood itself is a construct! I don’t need to box myselves! I can just live!

[castlebyersmailbox]

i have been so inactive here but recently i'm back in the building of actively questioning if i'm a system and it's so ? ? ? ? ? , ykwim ?

like sometimes i'll feel really confident and sure of myself then i get waves of denial because our system doesn't function like others or i don't act in the same way other people did when discovering this stuff ,

i think we may be a p-did system which is already not talked about enough but i feel like we don't fit into the mold of p-did that i've set for ourselves , i guess in a way its worrying cause i'm scared of what way i feel is truly me and whats passive influence ,, but it's not like it negatively impacts me on a day to day basis and that just makes me really nervous ,,,

i have so many questions that i don't know how to ask and i worry that i'm completely misunderstanding my brain and everything and that i'm 100% wrong and overreacting or that all my symptoms aren't symptoms at all and are completely normal things ,

^ for example , the main way i hear them is through thoughts in my head that i can't control when i'm really tired ,, but sometimes they make no sense and maybe it's just me being tired and NOT p-did ,,, which i guess leads into my first question : is that / can that be how hearing them works ? i'm aware that they're not actual voices and moreso thoughts you can't control ,,,, but is it possible for that to be the only way to hear them and is it possible for them to not really be able to hear you ?

GAH ! ! ! !

[spoiledmilknrotteneggs]

[onetoomanyyy]

Mwah

[aidoru-s]

I want to have a partner. I want to have someone love me. I want to love someone. I'm scared of being close to others. I don't like opening up or being vulnerable. I want someone to pay attention to me. I want to be left alone. I want someone to take care of me. I want physical affection. I want to be in love and live together. I want to trust someone. I want a lifelong companion. I want to disappear. I'm uncomfortable being known. I don't trust people that want to be close to me. I don't trust anyone.

I don't think I'm made for relationships. I don't know how to fix myself.

[castlebyersmailbox]

hello xenogender community i think i have coined a new term [happy] !!!

introducing: paranormalgender!

when you identify as one gender / present as one way but you feel the ghost of another gender / presentation haunting you !

(blue = masc/male , pink = fem/female , purple androgynous/other)

example: the blue flag with the pink stripe would mean you identify as a male / present masc but feel the ghost of a female / presenting female haunting you :3

[castlebyersmailbox]

me btw:3

[castlebyersmailbox]

i'm so super confused about the thoughts. they aren't mine and i know they aren't mine cause i don't really realize "i'm" having them until afterwards, and i don't really have any control over them and they're different then my inner voice but what if they are just thoughts or me? idk if this is something i should bring up to my therapist or not. Im so confused about all of this.

[castlebyersmailbox]

i feel like i'm digging too deep into my symptoms and everything again sigh .

[castlebyersmailbox]

does anyone have any good p-did resources or tips ? especially tips to get to know the alters especially with bad communication ?

i feel like i can hear them occasionally especially at night when i'm tired but when i try to stay stuff back idk if i'm getting a response or not :( it's hard to tell what are my inner thoughts pretending how they'd answer and what is them answering

[castlebyersmailbox]

currently going through very bad sysdenial rn hng 😔

[castlebyersmailbox]

last night i had a really weird episode(?) and i still don't know what happened . i had been having a static-y feeling in my brain all day and then it suddenly like peaked. i couldn't focus on what i was saying and i just wanted to space out. and then a few minutes later i felt very weird, i feel like my facial expression changed sub-conciously, etc.

i think someone may have been in co cause i was also hearing someone (i think . i'm actually not too sure) much more then i normally do.

has anyone else experienced this? what was going on and what do you do about it?

[castlebyersmailbox]

um i feel bad for clogging up the tags and stuff with my questioning but

:

how do i know if a "thought" is actually an alter or i'm forcing it ?

does this make sense idk

[castlebyersmailbox]

um has any other systems seen alters or seen conversations when they close their eyes ?

one time i saw a guy sitting on a couch then a few minutes later (same couch) he was gone

and i also saw smth like

this

does this happen ? is this normal ?

[castlebyersmailbox]

i think for me ? us ? because of very heavy amnesia barriers it's only Really possible for me to hear them when i'm really tired ...

like personally for me when i'm dozing off / really tired my brain will just start Saying Stuff but it's in different voices , idk if thats how hearing alters works so someone correct me if i'm wrong . or i'll have a Feeling that someones talking but i can't hear them if that makes sense ?

[castlebyersmailbox]

can any systems explain what hearing alters is like ? i've always assumed its like an actual voice in your head (similar to hallucinations) but some people have described them as thoughts that you have with their own voice so i'm really confused -.-'