#this is So Much#we all have those characters we over-identify w#and kb is not usually that for me#i love her precisely bc she’s everything i am not but aspire to be#but there is one thing#kate beckett is a difficult woman to love#(nf said as much on twitter tonight but also we already knew that)#she’s quick to judge and she has walls upon walls#and she loves deeply but also hurts just as intensely#and this end scene (and the entire last third of the ep really) where she has him back and she’s glad but she’s also still angry with him#whether she has a right to or not#and she’s standing apart from him in the scene even as she’s trying to lighten the mood#she still hurts and her pain is so raw and visceral that it physically separates them#and then she sits herself down and coils into him and silently lets out her frustration#at him and at herself and at their lack of answers#(like there is a difference between sad tears and frustrated tears and it’s never been more clear than in this scene)#and when he apologizes for everything she doesn’t try to tell him it’s not his fault#she just soaks it in#and in that moment i saw myself#i am a difficult person to love is what i am saying#and then#stana’s acting as always#the way she snuggles into his chest#the way she brushes her lips like she’s remembering the press of his kiss eons ago#it’s overwhelming#kate beckett#tag essay#sry not sry {x}
