stay a while @casualduality - Tumblr Blog

happy vday, sorta

touchy in the morning

It's those little moments of excitement found in making yourself available to danger. where you've been so over or underestimulated that you crave something bad, thrilling, out of the ordinary. It's no longer looking both ways yeah, a friend told me they shook hands with a car to feel something. It's leaving the front door unlocked. i dare someone to break in. give me something to remember. Something new to recover from. A guy in my hometown got hit by a train.. we werent close but i see the pain he left behind. a shock that echoes through the hearts of bystanders. Of past lovers. &I try not to feel guilty for fantasizing about an early death. Dramatic endings. i don't want a service or a funeral. Forgettable. My lover died almost 3 years ago, a brain hemorrhage. He was the cerebral type. Cynical-but-optimistic type. The yin to my yang, he was sane but insane. A loner yet he always fit in. Duality. Just like me. Until a skateboard tragedy meets a counterfeit oxy. I couldn't make this shit up. Guilt that eats me up.

I don't wanna die anymore. Just in time to watch the world fry. It's record temps outside, famine, rivers drying. Are you happy with the life you've lived? Is it worth trying?

#march #words #'23 #july #'26 #personal #apocalypse #rip

and in retrospect it's all just a little too hard to accept what i've lost as a loss. that i'd always daydreamt of a replacement, even in those moments it felt wrong. a tug at my conscience, pleading i pay more attention to moments not guaranteed but rather a lesson in appreciating the small things. the way those eyes will never look at me twice like in the beginning. lust disguised from hands on my sides to drool on my thighs it's crazy i didn't notice how alike we were, how compatible the behavior. like our minds were divinely tailored. attuned to the same flavors. &maybe we can blame it on our humanity.. why it took so long to see. better late than never. forced to sift through old memories, its the only evidence of a life that left me lonely. karmic debts stacked up too heavy. Yeah it has a tendency to leave a bitter taste. justifiably.

5/19/23

#words #personal #poetry #favs

Tumblr, respectfully, you corrupted us and made this site a breeding ground for perverts and young kinksters .. PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, LET ME BE LEWD. let me frolic naked here. For free. I don't want money I just want to share my art. I wanna look at art without a fucking buffer. This is all your fault I ended up this way how r u just going to take it away???