catastrophic.cath

[thoughtcascades]

Imagine if we could see the emotional scars on people's bodies, how differently we might treat each other.

[resqectable]

“At a certain point, I just have to try not too think to much about certain things, or else they’ll break my heart.”

— Jonathan Franzen

[petaltexturedskies]

Anaïs Nin, from the diary of Anais Nin, vol. VI: 1955-1966

[leeb-leefuh-lurve-deactivated20]

fr

[chronicallyonlinesworld]

[c0ffinbunnii]

[averagefairy]

i really admire people who do things. i hope to be someone who does things one day

[honeypleasejustkillme]

imagine the worst you’ve ever felt - the most hopeless, depressed, lonely, unlovable day you’ve ever had - now multiply that by 100 .. that’s the intensity in which people w bpd experience any negative emotion, every. single. time. and it’s why suicidal thinking is so common for us

[crazylil-lion]

For me its not just negative emotions its EVERY emotion.

It's violently shaking because I'm so depressed and suicidal my body wants to just hurt myself and I'm PHYSICALLY trying to hold myself back from snapping.

It's crying so hard you can barely see. Hands shaking chest feels like it will explode.

Its hearing voices in your head constantly screaming over you. You try to disagree you try to fight back but thats all it is an internal war you learn to live with.

When I'm happy? Which is extremely rare btw.

I am floating. Euphoric. Manic sometimes.

Which sounds amazing right? Wrong. Its overwhelming. Its exhausting.

Knowing at any moment. Knowing anything could snap your emotion to something else.

People compare being sad because they lost something.

Or because they were depressed for a bit when they were younger but its not the same.

People with bpd feel EVERY emotion at 100× strength.

What makes me suicidal and a danger to myself isn't even just the depression or loneliness.

Its the unending bombardment of extreme emotions that absolutely consume your soul and crush you from the inside out.

Never knowing what emotion comes next.

Never knowing what will fill your personality.

Never knowing yourself or how you "should" feel.

Always fighting for some resemblance of control over the hurricane inside your mind.

After you realize this is your life. This is what you will deal with for the rest of your life its hard not to turn to the idea of death because the truth is it really seems like the only escape I have.

[only-knives]

it's so hard for me to keep the feeling of being loved - to really understand that i'm loved, and not just know it logically (so long as i'm not in a despondent state of mind). i'll enjoy these fleeting moments where i'm shown an act of love and recognize it for what it is, but it fades as soon as the moment's over. and the presence of the feeling often depends on my emotional state. i just don't have the emotional permanence for it, and i don't know how to get it.

[resqectable]

“Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I hate myself, but always I miss you.”

— David Henry Hwang, M. Butterfly

[nonhumanentity]

[resqectable]

“My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.”

— Jillian Medoff, Hunger Point.

[scorpio747]

Tumblr still feels like my safe place after so many years

[dark-romantics]

~ Emily Dickson

[resqectable]

“And somedays I miss everyone - who has ever left, all at once”

— Donte Collins

[cruellesummer]

there is happiness

[feral-ballad]

Blythe Baird, from If My Body Could Speak; “What I couldn’t explain via text”

[Text ID: “I still don’t know how / to love someone / without swallowing them.”]