The number one thing I learned is dating apps are not for me, but I learned a few other things so keep reading. Here are my thoughts day by day.
Day 1: Tinder always looked so scary to me but after seeing a few friends use Bumble, I decided to give it a go out of curiosity. It seemed like the safer option, he beginner version. What could it hurt (besides my confidence, my self esteem, etc)? I did it anyway. My first thoughts while swiping included “why is height so emphasized?” “does having a douchebag one liner in your bio really work for you?” & “no I’m not adding you on snapchat.” This is going to sound a little conceited but I was surprised at the rate I was getting matches. I’m not sure what I expected (very few to none if I’m honest) & maybe I just had low hopes but in just a few minutes, I already had several matches. The swiping is the easy part, being the first to send a message is definitely a lot harder. I usually just asked how they were doing & if they had something interesting in their profile, I commented on it but I kept it pretty minimal. At the end of day one, out of all the guys I connected with, none of our conversations lasted more than a few messages.
Day 2: I decided to take the big leap from the shallow end (Bumble) and dive head first into the deep end (Tinder). My confidence had grown a bit over the last 24 hours so why not spread my wings? Would it really be that different to go from an app that puts me in control of making the first move to an app that’s a theoretical equal playing field? I wasn’t sure but curiosity was getting the best of me so I decided to give it a go. I matched with a handful of guys but nothing interesting or extraordinary happened. A lot of the messages were just cheesy pickup lines.
Also, this one just confused me. Okay?
Day 3: I woke up to a message on Bumble from a guy named Kevin that I spoke to briefly the night before saying “is that it?” after I didn’t reply to his thumbs up emoji. Apparently it was up to me to keep the conversation going & frankly I couldn’t be bothered. After 2 days of small talk with random men, my patience is wearing thin. When I told him this, he called me a moron & ended the conversation with Bye Felicia. I’m sure that wins over every girl he talks to. I unmatched.
well I received my first unsolicited dick pic today. i thought the appropriate response to “hi how are you?” was “good. you?” but I guess it’s not.
at this point, the apps are feeling more like a chore by the second. Oh, I also matched with a guy that decided to insult my beliefs as a feminist voting for Bernie so that was fun. By the end of the conversation, he was mad I wouldn’t go out with him. Really?
Day 4: The differences between Bumble & Tinder are becoming more apparent every day. so far out of the 109 Tinder matches, only 30 of them have actually messaged me, and only a handful have actually made it past “how are you?” On Bumble, I made sure to message everyone I connected with so they would be able to message me back.
also, tinder needs a “are you sure you want to super like this person?” button because it’s way too easy to accidentally hit super like when you really just meant to like. also I keep hitting my maximum number of likes on tinder so I end up just bouncing back to bumble.
ok it’s currently 3 am & ive learned one thing, do not go on these apps after midnight. you will get numerous requests to fuck or dick pics. unless that’s what you’re looking for, then definitely go on after midnight. Also, who told men that immediate sexual advances were a great way to sweep a woman off her feet? Maybe I should “expect” it on these things but I really don’t think it makes it okay.
Why not? LMAO I can think of a million reasons why not but the main reason is I said no. That’s all it should take. Moving on, so this next guy…. what about being a feminist has anything to do with my sexual preferences? There is no correlation, buddy, but that’s not going to stop you from being a creep.
I don’t know if this was some sort of “test” to see what kind of person I am but if you can’t provide more than just one of those things, we’re most likely not going to be compatible.
Day 5: nothing really new or interesting happened on either today. maybe I’m just feeling lazy & uninterested but I’ve been using tinder more today because it’s a lot easier to not always be the first one to message. I wonder if the feeling is the same for guys on Bumble. do they enjoy not always being the first to make a move?
Also, if I had a dollar for every cheesy line or “joke” I could go swimming in a pool of dollar bills. I’d love to know the success rate for these. Do girls just drop their pants every time they receive a cliche line the dude probably tells every person they match with? It’s not an icebreaker, it’s a conversation ender.
This might have been my favorite cheesy line so far. As someone that no longer has an appendix and spend almost 24 hours in excruciating pain because of the small useless organ, I couldn’t help myself.
Day 6: if your IG is full of pictures with your girlfriend, maybe you shouldn’t be on tinder…. or at least don’t have your accounts connected. Just a thought.
I was a lot busier today so I didn’t spend much time on either. one thought for today was I’m so glad Bumble has the election filters so I know who to immediately swipe left on.
also, there are quite a few people I’ve matched on both bumble & tinder and the responses are so different. as I said before, I message everyone I match with on Bumble so they have the chance to message me back. a few of the guys I matched & messages on Bumble never reply but as soon as I match with them on tinder, they message me right away. does it just confirm the ideology that men enjoy the chase? if they’re the first to message, does that put them in control of the conversation & make it more fun for them? I don’t know but it’s definitely happened more than once.
Day 7: it’s interesting to me when people ask “what made you swipe right?” l don’t always put much thought into it & my mood is often a huge factor. if I’m relaxed & happy, I’ll be more likely to swipe right but if I’m annoyed or just in a bad mood, I pick everything apart & swipe left a lot more.
I still don’t know what his original knock knock joke was but it’s probably better that way.
double messaging is so strange to me. if someone doesn’t reply to your first message, they’re either busy or not interested. move on. don’t send a second message a few hours later acting like a dick. it’s not cool. people have lives outside of their phones so be respectful. now if you’ve been talking to that person & want to start the conversation back up, go ahead & double message because you’re already cool. if you really want to get someone’s attention and they didn’t response to your first message, maybe just send a quick hi how are you instead of a weird gif or a hateful message. it’s not nice & it’s definitely not that serious.
Also, maybe it’s just the way I am but I hate little pet names so bad. if you hit me with a sweetie or cutie right off the bat, just know I’m probably deciding whether to unmatch you immediately. it’s really patronizing to me so don’t do it. actually compliment someone instead of just adding a “term of endearment” when you don’t know me at all.
My favorite part is when guys expect you to meet up with them as soon as you match. Do I look like I want to be murdered today??? I’m not coming to your house after a few messages.
I guess we’re on day 8 now and it’s time to see where we landed. It gets very overwhelming very fast. I still stand by my original thoughts & know dating apps are not for me. I might go back to it occasionally if I’m bored or looking for someone new to talk to but keeping up with it every day is exhausting. After a week of swiping right countless times & making pointless small talk, I was moderately surprised by the outcome. I still have 300+ matches on tinder that have never messaged me (& I haven’t messaged them) so just nothing happens. Like I said earlier, I was letting my matches on tinder message me first to see if the approach from Bumble (where I had to always message first) was different when there was an equal opportunity to start a conversation. On Bumble, I don’t even know how many people I matched with and messaged but only a few dozen turned into minor conversations and none of them continued on for more than a day. I ended up giving three guys my number and I haven’t spoken to two of them in a few days. only one guy out of countless has actually kept a conversation going & it’s quite effortless. I’m interested to see if it will last or die out soon like the rest of them. (Update: it died.)
The most important thing I really have taken away from this experience is just be yourself. Like what you like, eat what you enjoy, listen to the music you love to listen to & just be yourself unapologetically. There are going to be people that don’t like you because of it & that’s okay. You don’t need them in your life anyway, but there are going to be people that really love the fact you have the same favorite song or food. Let those people into your life but always stay true to who you are. you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not just to seem cool, you’re already more than cool enough. You’ll save yourself a lot of time and effort by just being honest with yourself and whoever you’re talking to. Also, you don’t have to accept any shit you don’t want to. If you’re only looking for a hook up, then there are plenty of guys out there to satisfy your needs, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If you want something more serious or long term, you have every right to not settle for anything less. You deserve whatever you want out of a relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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