@ccyongguk sent “murder” for that ask meme she’s getting what she deserves.
TW: murder, death, blood, heavy angst
AU: though this takes place in the second timeline, this is definitely an au!
— it’s alarming, really, how quickly and abruptly everything can fall apart.
one minute, kenta is on the couch as usual, sitting right next to him ( right where he should be ) laughing and telling stories and breathing life into yongguk like always; and the next, he’s bleeding out, struggling to take his last breaths in yongguk’s arms.
but what’ll happen now? when a hero kills a card, they just come back — captured now, of course, but more importantly, still alive. so, then, what happens when a card is killed by non-magical means… what happens when they’re killed by another card?
in other words: yongguk is about to lose everything, and it’s all his fault.
he’s never really thought about how frail kenta really is, until his small body is splayed out over his couch, head resting on yongguk’s lap despite numerous attempts at sitting himself back up again. he’s shaking, huge tremours rocking his body as he painfully draws in each breath. yongguk can do nothing, except stare down at his twin card, his best friend, his everything slowly losing the energy and life that made yongguk love him so much.
yongguk can’t remember exactly when or how he got ahold of the knife, he doesn’t even register that it’s in his hand until both of kenta’s hands are grasping his, desperately trying to stop the knife from lodging in his stomach but yongguk, even with his mind detatched from his body, as it is, has always been stronger.
he doesn’t feel anything at first. kenta lets go of him and yongguk drops his hand too, blinking slowly as he steps back and watches kenta’s chest rising and falling in panic, blood slowly spreading across his striped shirt.
it’s only when kenta looks up at him with tear-filled eyes, when the hurt and betrayal and fear in his gaze is like a stake to yongguk’s heart that the weight of what he’s done starts to settle on him, and he gets the first inkling that he’s become a monster.
yongguk could see that kenta’s smiles were just a little bit more dim. he caught kenta looking into the distance a few times, as if there was somewhere else he’d rather be.
yongguk pretended not to notice, pretended he didn’t care but it was hard when all kenta wanted to talk about was m.ea this, minhyun that and yongguk was left wondering why he ever bothered spending time with him if part of him was always going to be left back in that stupid dorm.
all or nothing. it’s what he wants, what he deserves after spending years unfalteringly by kenta’s side and the thought that he might never have that again was unbearable.
“why do you bother coming here?” he asked abruptly, tone harsh and gaze dark, interrupting kenta mid-sentence. he remembers that stunned look on kenta’s face, how his expression grew both confused and worried ( though that look would turn into fear soon after ) and kenta spoke hesitantly, saying something typical to the effect of ‘to see you’ followed by a timid little ‘should i leave?’
yongguk was angry. for weeks now he’d been feeling much more than he was used to feeling and it all hit him at once, making his head spin and his heart race and his vision turn red.
why is he pretending to be upset? he didn’t want to be here in the first place. only part of him notices kenta leaning away from him, questioning him again but he can’t process what he’s saying. without realizing it, his hands ball into fists. e wants to leave me, he’s going to leave me again, don’t leave me.
what if kenta didn’t have a choice?
“lucky,” he breathes, the name hitching on the lump in his throat as the other looks away from him and down at the mess of his shirt, shoulders shaking violently.
he’s dying. there’s too much blood and he is going to die. but somewhere in the back of his mind yongguk remembers that cards won’t really die. they regenerate — that’s what happens when cards get captured, after all, isn’t it?
he’s a card. he’ll come back.
when he wakes up, it’ll be just them again. yongguk and kenta, unlucky and lucky, together again, alone just like they’ve always been.
( and he won’t be minhyun’s anymore. )
yongguk repeats these words over and over in his head as he sits back down on the couch beside him. he gently grabs one of his shoulders, easing him into a lying-down position and kenta is far too weak by now to protest, breathing more and more laboriously as the tears keep falling down his face. he makes eye contact with yongguk again, and rather than the betrayed look from before, yongguk only sees fear. something painful and vile twists in yongguk’s stomach.
“yongguk—” kenta croaks out with a great amount of effort, and blood bubbles from his lips, staining them red. yongguk doesn’t answer, but he touches his face, cupping his cheek. kenta’s head turns away from yongguk’s hand, but he isn’t strong enough to properly pull away. “why? did i—” he starts, but cuts himself off by coughing again. his tone is so unlike him, filled with pain and disbelief despite how strained he is; and what he says next will haunt yongguk forever. “did i do something wrong?”
“you didn’t,” yongguk says, heart breaking. “but it’ll be okay.” he swipes his thumb across kenta’s cheek, catching his tears. “you’re gonna… you’re gonna come back soon. i know it hurts — i’m sorry. but it’ll be okay soon, i promise.“
kenta’s brows furrow just the slightest, and he tries to say something again, but he just coughs and splutters. there’s more blood.
that sick feeling is growing in yongguk’s stomach, creeping up and taking over his lungs now. as he watches kenta struggle, as the blood begins seeping into the couch and into yongguk’s clothes ( staining them forever probably, along with yongguk’s skin ) and he finds himself trembling too. "it’s okay,” he repeats, his voice coming out surprisingly calm despite his world crashing down around him. he adjusts himself to hold kenta closer to him, ignoring the way it makes kenta wince.
“just go to sleep, okay? just close your eyes. when you wake up, everything will be alright again.” his voice breaks a little.
he thinks he sees some of the fear leave kenta’s expression. the luck card is still staring up at him — though some of the softness that he’s used to has returned to his eyes again ( or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. ) as yongguk watches him, kenta’s breathing slows again, and, after a long moment, his eyelids flutter shut.
just like that, the shaking and breathing both stop. yongguk doesn’t need to see the light leave his eyes in order to know that he’s dead.
he stays like that, holding kenta’s lifeless body, only half expecting some sign of his return. but he really doesn’t know how this works, cards aren’t supposed to really die but there are no signs of life and the smell of blood is overwhelming his senses. yongguk wonders if maybe this is all a nightmare; a nightmare where kenta is human and vulnerable and not coming back.
minutes pass, or maybe hours, and yongguk doesn’t move. yongguk doesn’t know how long it’s been since the tears have stopped streaming down his face but his eyes hurt, his heart hurts, everything hurts.
but he did this to seal his forever with his kenta, his good luck charm, and he’s not going anywhere until he comes back to him. he promised that everything would be okay when he comes back and he can wait forever if he has to.
forever was too unrealistic. he’s jarred out of the trance when he hears his front door slam shut, and then urgent footsteps headed towards him, as well as a voice shouting for lucky and yongguk’s heart drops. of course, of course it’s minhyun. he should’ve figured that he’d feel something and come looking soon enough.
with a bitter taste in his mouth, yongguk closes his eyes and leans his head on the back of his couch. kenta will be upset to find out that minhyun had to see him this way. i’m sorry, he thinks, but who exactly is he apologizing to now?
everything is a blur from there, the events after them being discovered speeding past yongguk in a haze. he’s still waiting waiting waiting but kenta’s body only gets colder and soon, someone — must be minhyun — is wrenching kenta away from him. yongguk stares at the blonde’s tiny body expecting to see him sit up and smile again now that his hero is here but he stays like that, eerily serene-looking in his sleep.
yongguk keeps waiting, but kenta doesn’t wake up. and he won’t for a long, long time.
the realization slaps him in the face, and then weighs him down with that heavy feeling of lethargy that he’s so used to, except worse. he still doesn’t want to move, doesn’t want to do anything and as he thinks about kenta’s bright and smiling face he starts to wish that he could just die too.
he shouldn’t feel so disappointed. of course it wouldn’t work. he shouldn’t have expected there to be an easy way out, a simple way of ensuring that kenta is his and completely his; his last-ditch plan has failed, his own selfishness ripped his best friend from him in a moment of weakness and now he’s really, truly alone.
he should’ve known better than to think everything would work out — that would’ve been the happy ending.
yongguk doesn’t get a happy ending. he never has.
