someday, someone, somewhere.

♡ maud, 26, personal ♡

[redlipstickresurrected]

Aron Wiesenfeld (American, b. 1972, Washington D.C., USA, based San Diego, CA, USA) - Wildflowers, 2026, Paintings: Oil on Panel

[cenciengelhard]

i love the way my mother adds a nervous laugh to the end of every interaction while in public. it used to bother me so much when i was growing up but now i find it so endearing.

[virgin-martyr]

She had what's known as inner life and didn't know it. She lived off herself as if eating her own entrails.

Clarice Lispector, excerpt from The Hour of the Star trans. Benjamin Moser

[theartofmoviestills]

Martha Marcy May Marlene | Sean Durkin | 2011

[fairycosmos]

my 5 year plan? find the energy to use my human body to participate in the world in some form or fashion

[cenciengelhard]

26 years old with no degree, still living with parents, can’t drive, single my whole life, autistic, no friends.

i don’t know how i’m supposed to make it in this life. i mean i have a job wear i make $22 an hour but no transferable skills or trades if i want to make more. what am i supposed to do?

[cenciengelhard]

talked to my mama and it’s literally gonna be okay. she said i need to find a life outside of this home. yeah </3

[8nin]

I'm like if a missing person was literally right there

[cenciengelhard]

26 years old with no degree, still living with parents, can’t drive, single my whole life, autistic, no friends.

i don’t know how i’m supposed to make it in this life. i mean i have a job wear i make $22 an hour but no transferable skills or trades if i want to make more. what am i supposed to do?

[crisis-actor]

my retirement plan is to be found dead by the river

[2colde]

it's thousand yard stare summer

[cenciengelhard]

this school keeps giving me chance after chance and i keep messing up . what if i just killed myself.

[albertserra]

Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, 2006.

[kallistoriae]

I was ashamed of myself for the things I thought about when I put my hands between my legs, more ashamed for masturbating to the fantasy of being beaten than for being beaten in the first place. I lived in a world of shame. I hid my bruises as if they were evidence of crimes I had committed. I knew I was a sick disgusting person. I couldn't stop my stepfather from beating me, but I was the one who masturbated. I did that, and how could I explain to anyone that I hated being beaten but still masturbated to the story I told myself about it?

— Bastard Out Of Carolina, Dorothy Allison

[saltriverroad]

[cenciengelhard]

people can sense the deficiencies in me . they know i am unwell . they know that my absences are concerning but they are afraid to commit to asking what’s wrong. for the most part they believe i am well. that i have found balance. but i am still very much miserable. every single time i think i find it, it's pulled out from under me. i’m just so tired. tired of crying and being made to feel small. i don't want to be 6 years old again or 10 or 15 or 19 or 21 or 23. i don't want to be seen as young and vulnerable anymore.. i want to be a competent adult with coping strategies and friends and hobbies and the ability to drive and live on my own. out of my childhood home.

[cenciengelhard]

should i pursue a career as a hospice cna/nurse ?

yes

no

maud button

Voting ended onJun 8

[cenciengelhard]

. tw talk of weight/bmi

fine tuning my calorie deficit. i reached my goal weight of 120 in a little over 7 months on friday but i still feel Big. my BMI at is 19.5 which is. fine . but i want to be a little bit smaller.