C&R Director and R.F.A. Member

Multi-Ship, Semi-Selective Jumin Han RP and Ask Blog

[frailcompass]

I’m 21 now guys I can’t believe it. xD It’s been quite the year asdfghjkl But aside from that I’m gonna try getting to some things on here either tonight or tomorrow! I’ll also be over working on Xander today, very sporadically though. Either way I’m hoping I can pick a bit of activity up again on here this week! I hope everyone’s doing well! ♥

[ceojuminhan]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRI!!!

[frailcompass]

It may have been two years of writing for this sweet mint boy, but at the same time it feels so much longer. In two years time Jihyun has worked his way well into my heart. He has become a character that is so important to me and makes the days a bit brighter regardless of how good or bad they are.

This past year was rough to say the least. But having Jihyun as a muse and a character that I adore so much helped me smile a little more during those really hard months. So even if I wasn’t doing as much writing as I would’ve liked to at the time he was always just a constant presence in my head that made things a bit more alright.

Not only that, but along this journey I have met some great friends. In my seven years of roleplaying this is probably the best I have ever felt in any place. Some of the sweetest people I’ve met through getting to write Jihyun, and some of the people that I knew even beforehand stuck with me through it as well and I couldn’t be more thankful and grateful. Yes, some days are still tough mentally and emotionally for me, but I’m always reminded by the wonderful friends I’ve made on here that it’s gonna be okay.

So from the bottom of my heart thank you for being there to support me through all of those ups and downs, and for giving my interpretation of Jihyun a chance when I was hesitant that no one would. You’re all so lovely and words can only merely express just how happy this makes me. ♥

Under the cut I’m addressing everyone that has made my experience wonderful! But just know even if I forgot to put your name you’re still included (I just have an awful memory so please excuse me), because all of you are wonderful and just made this experience such a great one for me. So once again, thank you! ♥

Keep reading

[ceojuminhan]

*Hugs* Thank you so much! You’re amazing too and it’s an honor to write with you. Congratulations on 2 years! I hope the future is easier and less stressful than the last 2 years have been but I’m glad that V/Jihyun has been there to help you through the bad times <3

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin’s frown deepened as he listened to the other man talk. It hurt him to hear his best friend talk about himself like this but he knew it would only make V feel more guilty if he were to bring it up.

“Considering what you endured in order to protect us, I don’t see how it could be said that you have poor job as the RFA leader,” Jumin spoke, squeezIng V’s shoulders a bit more tightly as if to remind the other man that he was there to be a steady supporting presence behind him. “And if they are angry with me, so be it. I knew when I went to look for you that they would not be happy with my decision. I make the decision now to stand by you and, if they cannot accept that, so be it. I have accepted the consequences when I made the decision.”

Jumin was quiet for a few moments after that as the processed the rest of what his friend had said.

“I can’t help but feel that you would be more comfortable if the members respond with anger than forgiveness,” Jumin thought aloud. “That is not to say that you find anger and punishment pleasant, however they say that unfamiliar things can often make a person uneasy. I wonder if you have endured anger and ill treatment for so long, it has started to feel natural to you. Perhaps, if others are not angry with you, it will be harder for you to feel anger towards yourself.”

Jumin was quiet again as he considered this. It seemed to make a degree of sense, even if Jumin could not personally relate to it. Finally, he gave his head a small shake to pull himself out of his thoughts.

“I suppose it does not matter. Their responses are not something we can control.”

          “If they hear of why you went looking for me and what condition I was found in they might not be upset…but they will be if you hide things from them. They will if you try covering for what I did.” His arms begin to shake slightly as he continues to hold himself up and he once again places his forehead against the window. The glass is still a bit cool and he tries to focus on the sensation as he pulls in a breath. “You’re too good for me, Jumin. You always have been.”

          After a few seconds he turns, and despite himself he carefully uses Jumin’s arm to support himself so he can take a seat. Once he’s back in the chair he lets out an exhausted breath as he glances down at his hands. It stung a bit to know that Jumin had figured it out so quickly. Maybe it wasn’t to the fullest extent, but he was mostly correct regardless. In a way it was easier to expect the anger that would be fired towards him. He would take all of the blame without a shred of complaint as he felt that’s what he deserved.

          Still, he gives a faint shake of his head as he closes his eyes. “That’s…I’m not seeking it out to hate myself.” A pause. “I can’t deny I’m not fond of myself or my actions, but would it be odd if I just felt it was the appropriate response? If someone showed me kindness after what I did I would claim myself unworthy of such attention. Even now I wonder if I should even have this. I feel like I’ve been spared when I shouldn’t have been.”

          His hands clench into fists on his knees as he lets out a shaky sigh. He knows that Jumin means well but he can’t find it in himself to believe otherwise. Part of him knows he’s jumping to conclusions far too quickly, but once the truth is out he’s certain things will be different. Will the RFA even want him back? Who would he even become? What about Rika and Saeran? Would they receive kindness in their upcoming obstacles too? Another shake of his head is given as he rests his face into his hands again.

          “What if my father was right…What if my entire life is just one big misfortune?”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin’s brow furrowed even more than it already was when V took a seat. He listened to what his friend had to say and considered it for a moment. 

“This is just my opinion,” Jumin spoke at last, although he was still somewhat thinking out loud, “I do not feel that it is not that your life should not have been spared. Perhaps it is true that there are others who deserve a second chance more that you. I’m sure there are people far better than either of us who have not had the opportunities we’ve had. However, this is not something we get to decide for them. Our suffering will not make things easier for them. Perhaps it is not so much that you do not deserve this but that others do as well.”

He reached out and put a hand on V’s shoulder again. Then me moved the hand to the shoulder further from him so that he was almost embracing the other man.

“Whatever the reason, and whether you feel you deserve it or not, I hope that with time, you will come to see your own worth. I hope that you will be able to make the most of your life from here moving forward. Your life will go on, no matter what you decide to do with it. I hope that you will choose to do something that brings you meaning and allows you to feel fulfilled.”

Jumin was perhaps more stiff than usual. He didn’t think he sounded like himself. These were not things he often considered though perhaps he should have thought a bit more about how his friend would be feeling and the state he might find him in. He had been prepared to take V back with him by force but reasoning with him would not be easy. He could try his best to work with logic, but if V needed something from a more emotional place, Jumin feared he would not be able to provide it.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin moves away when V stands but keeps himself close enough to catch the other man in case he starts to fall. For a moment, he worries that V is going to try to throw himself out the window. He seems to recall hearing that hospitals rarely have windows that open for that reason but his worries subside once he realize that V is just standing at the window but not trying to open it. 

Jumin rests a hand on V’s shoulder once again but he worries that his touch might not be welcome. He’s not sure if V would push him away if it wasn’t but he keeps it there just the same. Jumin’s hand, like his forgiveness is there whether V wants it or not.

“You do not need to face them,” Jumin explains. “I will explain the situation to them. You don’t need to ask for their forgiveness. They will either offer it or they won’t. Considering how much you suffered to keep us safe, I believe they should look upon you favorably. However, you do not owe them an explanation… I will be honest with you, V, the future of the RFA does not need to concern you at the moment. You need to focus on your recovery. We have not planned any parties since you disappeared and considering we went two years without having one, you and the members can take some time to decide what is best for the organization’s future. I’m sure that learning the truth about Rika will shock everyone and it will take some time for us to be able to focus on parties whether you are our leader or not.”

He was starting to feel odd simply holding V’s shoulder, so he moved, putting a hand on each of the other man’s shoulders. That felt more awkward but he decided it would be worse to move away once he had done it. So he simply stood like that as he continued to speak.

“There will be a lot you must think about in the future, but you do not need to decide everything right now.”

          Listening to Jumin speak doesn’t seem to settle the growing doubt that settles within him. What would the others think if he didn’t face them again? Sure, it was something that he had already been doing, but with his return it would seem rather odd if they knew he was back and that he kept quiet. He knew it could bring up concerns within the other members and possibly leave more for them to be upset about.

          He keeps his forehead pressed against the window as he lets out a deep exhale that he’s sure fogs up the glass. “If I don’t face them after this then I’m just a coward…You explaining the situation instead of me could make them angry, not just at me but you too.”

          His fingers grip tighter around the windowsill and for a moment he just wants to collapse back down in defeat. Instead he forces himself to stay upright as he finally sends a glance over his shoulder towards Jumin. “I may have suffered in the eyes of some, but the others have been through things as well. So it will always concern me as it’s my responsibility to watch over the RFA—” He gives a shake of his head as he looks back out the window. “—But I’ve already done a poor job of that.”

          Tears threaten to spill at the corners of his eyes again and he quickly goes to wipe them away, his body shaking slightly as he does so. “I’ll take whatever punishment I’m given for it, because they will be upset. Some may choose not to forgive me and I…I’ve already accepted that long ago. But if given the choice I don’t want the RFA to disband. I would rather I leave quietly than everyone go. If it’s the last wish I’m granted I just want you all to stay close as the RFA has become a second family. I don’t want to ruin that anymore than I already have.”

          There’s another pause as he sucks in a breath and he looks over his shoulder at Jumin once again. “I’m sorry for being such a pain…I hope that my disappearance hasn’t caused other troubles outside of the RFA too. I’ve already hurt everyone so much.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin’s frown deepened as he listened to the other man talk. It hurt him to hear his best friend talk about himself like this but he knew it would only make V feel more guilty if he were to bring it up.

“Considering what you endured in order to protect us, I don’t see how it could be said that you have poor job as the RFA leader,” Jumin spoke, squeezIng V’s shoulders a bit more tightly as if to remind the other man that he was there to be a steady supporting presence behind him. “And if they are angry with me, so be it. I knew when I went to look for you that they would not be happy with my decision. I make the decision now to stand by you and, if they cannot accept that, so be it. I have accepted the consequences when I made the decision.”

Jumin was quiet for a few moments after that as the processed the rest of what his friend had said.

“I can’t help but feel that you would be more comfortable if the members respond with anger than forgiveness,” Jumin thought aloud. “That is not to say that you find anger and punishment pleasant, however they say that unfamiliar things can often make a person uneasy. I wonder if you have endured anger and ill treatment for so long, it has started to feel natural to you. Perhaps, if others are not angry with you, it will be harder for you to feel anger towards yourself.”

Jumin was quiet again as he considered this. It seemed to make a degree of sense, even if Jumin could not personally relate to it. Finally, he gave his head a small shake to pull himself out of his thoughts.

“I suppose it does not matter. Their responses are not something we can control.”

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin thought he could hear his own heartbeat as he waited for the other man’s answer. Although it had been racing before, this time it was definitely from anticipation. After he had spoken, he began to realize just how much he was asking of the other. When Jihyun agreed, he was actually surprised. The thought briefly crossed his mind that perhaps Jihyun had been harboring secret feelings for him before this night. Perhaps he would ask his friend about it another time but, for now, he would simply let himself feel the sheer joy not only of what the night would bring, but of all the days and nights they had to look forward to.

Jumin practically ran towards his room. Fortunately, they were close by. The room they had been watching the movie in connected directly to the bedroom. Jumin’s living space, while part of the larger penthouse, was all interconnected and allowed him a great deal of privacy since it could be closed off when he did not wish to be bothered.

Jumin was a bit stunned by the other man’s question. He had never considered which side of the bed he would prefer.

“I have never shared a bed with another, so I cannot say which side I would prefer…” he mused, taking the question far more seriously than Jihyun had probably intended. “I believe you should take the side closest to the window,” he declared at last. “I know the sunlight has always held a special meaning for you, so I believe it is only fitting that you should sleep on the side that receives the most of it.”

When they reached his room, Jumin gasped at the way Jihyun reached for him and kissed him. He had never imagined he could be wanted like this or, perhaps more accurately, that he would ever want someone to want him like this. He had never truly understood this kind of desire before but now it was threatening to consume him.

He eagerly returned his lover’s kiss, wrapping his arms around Jihyun’s body and pulling him close. He much preferred this position. Their bodies fit together so perfectly, and he couldn’t help but moan as he rubbed his body against the other man, desperate to feel every inch of his lover’s skin against his own.

As they kissed, Jumin began to slowly walk towards the bed, guiding Jihyun along with him.

When they got close, Jumin pulled away long enough to pull the sheets and blankets down. As soon as he’d done it, he wondered if it was necessary. Perhaps it was a waste of time, but even as he was thinking this, he found himself sitting on the bed to pull off his shoes and socks.

He chuckled a bit and smiled with a touch of embarrassment up at Jihyun when he realized what he was doing. Certainly it wasn’t normal to make love with your shoes on, was it? The thought of wearing shoes in bed disgusted Jumin a bit, regardless of the circumstances and he realized he was thinking far too much about this. Although he did not realize it, a small part of him was nervous and it was starting to show.

He hesitated a moment as he debated whether or not to take his pants off too. And, as he stood, he quickly opened his belt and let his pants fall before kicking them away, leaving him in only his underwear. Of course Jumin wore designer underwear. They were tight and black with a brand name across the waistband. While the color hid it somewhat, the shape of his large hard member was clearly visible if one was to look carefully.

Jumin glanced at his bed and frowned. If he had even suspected this would happen, he would have changed the cotton sheets for silk. Did Jihyun like silk? Perhaps he should have found some suitable music to play and lit some scented candles. His brow creased as he thought more about what the other man deserved and he looked troubled as he turned back to JIhyun.

“This is not good enough for you,” he declared. “Will you still accept it? I promise I would have done more to prepare, if I had even suspected this would happen.”

          At the answer to him being able to lay on the side of the bed closest to the window, he feels a pang of emotion hit him. The fact that Jumin had even taken such a thing into consideration leaves a warmth to settle under his skin. It’s a meaningful gesture even if to others it may seem insignificant.

          As Jumin begins to move the sheets down on the bed Jihyun easily finds his gaze turned towards the window. While he’s seen the light shine in this room he has yet to see the first rays of the morning sun filter through. It gives him something to look forward to among the thought of getting to see Jumin in a peaceful sleep. The smile on his face softens at the thought before his attention turns back towards the other.

          A slight chuckle escapes him as he now watches Jumin. This is certainly something he hadn’t expected, but at the same time he can only describe it as endearing. Even a light blush creeps across his cheeks yet again as he wedges his bottom lip between his teeth while he glances Jumin up and down. The designer underwear isn’t surprising. Most of what Jumin had he expected to be expensive and tailored to fit his form perfectly. He’s always pulled off his suits so very well that another couldn’t dare look proper in them even if they tried.

          It’s only when the sheets are mentioned that he blinks at the unexpected remark. Mint eyes carefully run along the now unmade bed before settling back onto his lover. His own brows push themselves together as if in concern, but not for himself. Instead he’s worried that Jumin’s overthinking every little detail a bit too much especially when it comes to him. Jihyun was never one to crave the fanciest of things. For while he too was rather wealthy he wasn’t a heavy spender. So long as things fit his basic necessities and style he was content.

          He takes a step closer to come a bit more into Jumin’s space and presses his fingers gently against the corner of his lovers’ lips as if he could take the frown away. “Of course it’s good enough for me. It could be the most uncomfortable bed in the world, but if you’re beside me then to me I’ll be more than happy.”

          His fingers trail gently across Jumin’s jaw before pausing for a moment. There’s hesitations in his own actions, but slowly he gets himself to mimic Jumin’s earlier motions. He takes to carefully pulling off his own shoes and socks to set them aside. His hands then rest on his pants for a few seconds before allowing them to pool onto the floor so he can step out of them. Only now he blushes a bit from embarrassment. He can feel his muscles tightening as he shifts his weight from side to side as he hopes that he still looks good enough.

          Arms fold themselves nervously over his torso as if to hide himself again. While he knows that Jumin doesn’t mind what he looks like it’s still a bit daunting. It’s an extremely rare occurrence for another to see his body in full and all he wants is to make a good impression of the moment.

          Taking a deep breath to reground himself, he looks back at Jumin with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He tilts his head up to press a gentle kiss to Jumin’s lips once again as he slowly works up the courage to relax his body. It takes him a few moments, but finally his hands rest on either side of Jumin’s face.

          “Ever since I was little the saddest part of the day for me was when I’d have to leave your side to go home. So with your permission, I’d love to stay by your side every day because as I said before as long as I’m with you my day has already been made.”

          He pulls Jumin’s lips back against his as he carefully guides them to sit down on the edge of the bed. One of his hand trails down the side of Jumin’s neck, across his shoulder, and follows the length of his arm before intertwining their fingers together. He gives a squeeze of their hands as he mumbles against Jumin’s lips, “with you everything is already perfect.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin whimpered when Jihyun touched his face and told him he would stay. The look on Jumin’s face was incredibly vulnerable and surprisingly innocent. Jihyun’s words had moved him deeply. It was strange how Jihyun was possibly the only person who never asked anything of him and yet he was the one person that Jumin would gladly give everything to.

His breath hitched when Jihyun’s pants fell to the floor. Jumin was not a man who often felt lust or even attraction to others. He was aware of the features that were considered desirable, but no one had ever affected him like this. He wanted to touch every inch of the other man.

Still, Jumin waits for his lover to make the first move. Strange as it might seem, he still felt somehow that Jihyun was too good for him. It felt wrong to touch someone so lovely and he didn’t want to risk upsetting his friend or breaking the spell that he seemed to be under.

When Jihyun kisses him, Jumin takes the opportunity to embrace the other man. He gently rubs his sides and back, feeling the tension there. He continues to touch the other, hoping to relieve some of the tension in Jihyun’s body. He wants this to be perfect for him and he wants his lover perfectly relaxed around him.

Jumin feels his eyes start to water when Jihyun tells him how sad he was to leave him. He wished he could go back in time. That he could grab his friend and beg him to stay. Perhaps if he had realized his feelings sooner, he could have shielded his friend from Rika and all the suffering he endured. Jumin glances away, feeling a sting of guilt through his heart. But as soon as Jihyun’s lips touch his again, everything is forgotten. The past doesn’t matter and all that’s important is this moment and the future he and his lover will build together.

Jumin eagerly returns the kiss, rubbing Jihyun’s fingers with his thumb while his free hand moves to caress the other man’s cheek.

“Jihyun...” he whisper’s against his lover’s lips. For once, he does not know how to respond. Words fail him and everything except his lover’s name becomes a blur. 

He kisses the other once more, changing the angle a bit to see what feels best although he’s quickly learning that every kiss is exciting in its own way. He traces Jihyun’s lips with the tip of his tongue before deepening their kiss once more. He let’s his tongue play with the other man’s until they both become breathless.

His hand begins to travel down the other man’s neck and chest. He traces his lover’s collar bone before gently trailing his fingers down the center of Jihyun’s chest.

When he becomes breathless, Jumin’s lips move across Jihyun’s cheek and down his neck. He places his teeth carefully against the other’s neck, not enough to hurt or pinch, but just enough for him to feel them before licking the area his teeth had touched as though he were attempted to sooth an imaginary wound.

Although he wanted to go slow, he’s beginning to feel frustrated, wanting to be even closer than this position allowed. Reluctantly, he pulls away and lays down on the bed. He uses the hand still holding Jihyun’s to attempt to pull the other man closer to him. Although Jumin would have preferred to have Jihyun beneath him, at that moment, he doesn’t care who is where as long as their bodies can align.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Truthfully, the thought of Jihyun doing anything that would make him uneasy had not really occurred to Jumin. Jihyun was always so kind and gentle, he trusted the other man not to do anything painful or strange, even if he had technically given permission for him to do so. He trusted this man completely and, as long a Jihyun enjoyed what they did, Jumin felt sure he would get pleasure from it as well.

Jihyun’s kisses and the way he pulled them close made Jumin ache to be even closer to him. While it would technically be possible in their current position, it was not exactly how Jumin wanted things. He could tell that Jihyun was getting a little frustrated with their positioning and honestly, Jumin was too. Now that Jihyun’s chest was exposed, he wanted to explore it with his lips. To travel even further down his body and to touch and explore without any inhibitions. He wanted this, but he wanted to make absolutely sure that the timing was right when he touched Jihyun for the first time. He didn’t want to work them up any more before he would be unable to finish what he started. Plus, kneeling like this was causing his legs to begin to hurt.

The feel of Jihyun’s fingers on this thigh had Jumin closing his eyes and moaning low. Yes, he needed to act now so that he could feel comfortable physically and otherwise, before taking things further.

“Will you come to my bed?” Jumin asked, looking the other man in the eye. There was something desperate in his gaze. Yes, he was tired of looking down at Jihyun and wanted them on top of one another so their lips and bodies would fit together more comfortably. “I’m sure you know what this means,” Jumin added, his hands moved down the sides of his lover’s body down towards his hips. “Though you should be aware that I do not plan to let you leave, once you do. I do not only mean that we will share our bodies, though I want that as well, but I desire to have you near me, every night.” He could not reach lower without moving away, so he let his hands move up Jihyun’s chest once more. “I want to feel your warmth while I sleep and smell your scent on my sheets. I want my bed to become yours so that you will sleep there each night. We will share our most private and intimate space together… Will you do this?”

If he had been thinking clearly, Jumin would have known that he was making a sudden and outrageous request of the other man. But still, whether he knew it or not, Jumin was not a man who would ever take a casual lover. It would break his heart for Jihyun to leave after doing something so intimate, and he wanted to save himself the pain.

His hands had moved up Jihyun’s chest and were touching his face once more. He captured the other man’s lips in a deep and passionate kiss. If he were honest with himself, Jumin wanted to spare himself his friend’s answer for a few moments. He sought the other man’s tongue, running his fingers through Jihyun’s hair with a sort of desperation while his hips began to move without him realizing it.

Once the kiss was broken, Jumin forced himself away. Every part of his body that was no longer touching Jihyun seemed to physically ache as he held a hand out to the other man, waiting for his answer.

          At the sudden question, Jihyun freezes and instead blinks a few times. It takes a moment for it to process as he listens to Jumin explain every implication if he were to say yes. His hands bring themselves back down to Jumin’s chest where he lays them flat onto the warm skin.

          What he was being asked was just as heavy as the intimacy that they had agreed upon sharing, only such a thing would last far longer than a few minutes. Sharing a bed meant living in this space and waking up every morning to see Jumin get ready for work. It meant having Elizabeth crawl onto his lap every day as they both waited for the one they held dear to return home. There would be someone to share meals with and to hold at night. It would also mean having laughter fill up the spaces that were empty and to see each other at their most vulnerable times.

          The thought of it brings a sense of joy to his heart, but before he can answer his lips were claimed. For those few seconds he resumes melting into the warmth that Jumin provides as he lets out a moan at every motion and touch. It leaves him wanting more as Jumin pulls away and he feels cold. There’s a craving to reach back out and latch onto Jumin, but instead a light smile brings itself onto his lips as he reaches out to take Jumin’s hand.

          “Of course I will. This has always felt like another home of mine, and being able to share it with the one most precious to me is all I could ever want.” He rises up onto his feet to stretch out his stiff legs for a moment before reaching over to press another kiss right to the edge of Jumin’s lips. Now a light chuckle leaves him. “You just gotta tell me which side is yours.”

          He then starts to head towards Jumin’s room and as soon as he steps inside his lips are right back onto the others’. It’s passionate and deep, but he can’t help but move around a bit too much in his happiness. His hands rest on Jumin’s cheeks to pull him closer as his tongue gently traces the other man’s bottom lip. Even his heart begins racing again, but this time it feels lighter as if it’s floating.

          Out of all of the things he had expected to occur tonight it certainly wasn’t this, but he couldn’t deny how overjoyed he felt. While it may have seemed so sudden at the same time he had felt such emotions building in him for awhile, and he was glad to know that they were reciprocated. It felt as if the hole in his heart was being stitched back up with Jumin’s precise fingers and he’s never felt so complete.

          One hand now moves up to tangle into Jumin’s hair as the other begins running along Jumin’ stomach again. Words are then mumbled again Jumin’s lips, “I’ll make sure your bed is never cold again.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin thought he could hear his own heartbeat as he waited for the other man’s answer. Although it had been racing before, this time it was definitely from anticipation. After he had spoken, he began to realize just how much he was asking of the other. When Jihyun agreed, he was actually surprised. The thought briefly crossed his mind that perhaps Jihyun had been harboring secret feelings for him before this night. Perhaps he would ask his friend about it another time but, for now, he would simply let himself feel the sheer joy not only of what the night would bring, but of all the days and nights they had to look forward to.

Jumin practically ran towards his room. Fortunately, they were close by. The room they had been watching the movie in connected directly to the bedroom. Jumin’s living space, while part of the larger penthouse, was all interconnected and allowed him a great deal of privacy since it could be closed off when he did not wish to be bothered.

Jumin was a bit stunned by the other man’s question. He had never considered which side of the bed he would prefer.

“I have never shared a bed with another, so I cannot say which side I would prefer...” he mused, taking the question far more seriously than Jihyun had probably intended. “I believe you should take the side closest to the window,” he declared at last. “I know the sunlight has always held a special meaning for you, so I believe it is only fitting that you should sleep on the side that receives the most of it.”

When they reached his room, Jumin gasped at the way Jihyun reached for him and kissed him. He had never imagined he could be wanted like this or, perhaps more accurately, that he would ever want someone to want him like this. He had never truly understood this kind of desire before but now it was threatening to consume him.

He eagerly returned his lover’s kiss, wrapping his arms around Jihyun’s body and pulling him close. He much preferred this position. Their bodies fit together so perfectly, and he couldn’t help but moan as he rubbed his body against the other man, desperate to feel every inch of his lover’s skin against his own.

As they kissed, Jumin began to slowly walk towards the bed, guiding Jihyun along with him.

When they got close, Jumin pulled away long enough to pull the sheets and blankets down. As soon as he’d done it, he wondered if it was necessary. Perhaps it was a waste of time, but even as he was thinking this, he found himself sitting on the bed to pull off his shoes and socks.

He chuckled a bit and smiled with a touch of embarrassment up at Jihyun when he realized what he was doing. Certainly it wasn’t normal to make love with your shoes on, was it? The thought of wearing shoes in bed disgusted Jumin a bit, regardless of the circumstances and he realized he was thinking far too much about this. Although he did not realize it, a small part of him was nervous and it was starting to show.

He hesitated a moment as he debated whether or not to take his pants off too. And, as he stood, he quickly opened his belt and let his pants fall before kicking them away, leaving him in only his underwear. Of course Jumin wore designer underwear. They were tight and black with a brand name across the waistband. While the color hid it somewhat, the shape of his large hard member was clearly visible if one was to look carefully.

Jumin glanced at his bed and frowned. If he had even suspected this would happen, he would have changed the cotton sheets for silk. Did Jihyun like silk? Perhaps he should have found some suitable music to play and lit some scented candles. His brow creased as he thought more about what the other man deserved and he looked troubled as he turned back to JIhyun.

“This is not good enough for you,” he declared. “Will you still accept it? I promise I would have done more to prepare, if I had even suspected this would happen.”

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin frowned as he watched his friend continue to blame himself and imagine the worst outcome. He mentally scolded himself for not telling the RFA sooner. If he had, V would not be in this state now. Still, it could not be undone and Jumin would have to deal with things as they were. It was no use wishing they were different.

Jumin reached out and put a hand on his friend’s back. He rubbed gently as he spoke: “They will have to decide for themselves whether they are angry or not. I suspect that they will be upset to hear that you have been so badly hurt. Yoosung might be angry, but I fear there is not much you could do that would please him. Even before you left, he was angry with you. Perhaps once he knows the truth, with time, he will understand your actions and find it in his heart to forgive you. Zen is most likely to be sympathetic towards you. He has always considered you a friend and, while he has never been fond of me, he has always viewed you favorably. I believe he will understand why you did the things you did. Luciel has also been quite devoted to you and will probably be happy just to know that you’re alive. As for Jaehee and MC, I do not image they will be angry. But again, I cannot speak for them.”

Jumin was not sure if he should tell his friend the other problem that had crossed his mind, but then he decided that it would definitely occur to V sooner or later.

“I also do not believe that you have your phone with you. Whether you wish to be the one to tell them or not, it will be up to me to explain things until Luciel can download the messenger app into a new phone.”

It was possible that V’s phone was in the bag of clothing the hospital had handed him. The clothing was extremely dirty and partially destroyed by the paramedics so Jumin had not bothered to look through it. He suspected, however, that V had thrown his phone away before disappearing so that he could not be tracked. If it had been stored somewhere in the castle in the woods, there was no telling what happened to it.

          Hands remained covering his face as Jumin spoke. While he knows that Jumin meant well and was trying to apply reason to the situation, V couldn’t help but think about every negative possibility. While it was true that Yoosung could come to forgive him in time would that really happen with how long he’s kept this secret? Then there was Luciel and his brother. If he found out about Saeran he doubts the younger would be happy that his life had been spared. These thoughts don’t let him bring about happier ones and he instead lets out another sob. Only this time the sound is broken and he feels the need to hide away clawing at every fiber of his being.

          He gives a few quick shakes of his head to the point it makes him somewhat dizzy followed by a quick breath to try and stabilize his voice. “I disposed of my phone before leaving…It’s sitting ruined in my trash at home.”

          Looking up at the window with moisture slipping down his cheeks, he sets the tissue box aside before slowly using the armrests to help himself up. He’s a bit wobbly, but eventually he makes it and stumbles the short distance to the window. His hands find purchase on the windowsill to hold him up as he stares out the window. While he can’t make out the scenery he can see blobs of blues, greens, and grays off in the distance. Pressing his forehead against the glass he does his best to take another steadying breath, the need to stop himself from crying again eats at him.

          “I don’t think I should return to the RFA, Jumin…I may not be able to speak for the members feelings either, but I know they will not be happy when they hear what happened. They may feel awful about what happened to me, but they’ll be even more upset at Rika’s situation. I have broken their trust and it would be cruel of me to ask for their forgiveness. I’m not good enough to lead the RFA anymore…I don’t even know if I ever was.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin moves away when V stands but keeps himself close enough to catch the other man in case he starts to fall. For a moment, he worries that V is going to try to throw himself out the window. He seems to recall hearing that hospitals rarely have windows that open for that reason but his worries subside once he realize that V is just standing at the window but not trying to open it. 

Jumin rests a hand on V’s shoulder once again but he worries that his touch might not be welcome. He’s not sure if V would push him away if it wasn’t but he keeps it there just the same. Jumin’s hand, like his forgiveness is there whether V wants it or not.

“You do not need to face them,” Jumin explains. “I will explain the situation to them. You don’t need to ask for their forgiveness. They will either offer it or they won’t. Considering how much you suffered to keep us safe, I believe they should look upon you favorably. However, you do not owe them an explanation... I will be honest with you, V, the future of the RFA does not need to concern you at the moment. You need to focus on your recovery. We have not planned any parties since you disappeared and considering we went two years without having one, you and the members can take some time to decide what is best for the organization’s future. I’m sure that learning the truth about Rika will shock everyone and it will take some time for us to be able to focus on parties whether you are our leader or not.”

He was starting to feel odd simply holding V’s shoulder, so he moved, putting a hand on each of the other man’s shoulders. That felt more awkward but he decided it would be worse to move away once he had done it. So he simply stood like that as he continued to speak.

“There will be a lot you must think about in the future, but you do not need to decide everything right now.”

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin trembled when he felt Jihyun’s nails against his back. He was certain the other man must have noticed his reaction but he didn’t mind. In fact, he wanted Jihyun to see the effect he had on him and to know just how much he liked everything his lover was doing.

He let out a sensual moan when Jihyun offered himself to him. It was almost too much. He wanted this man so badly and somehow he was blessed to have Jihyun wanting him in return. It felt so rare. So special and it just made him want to treasure his lover even more.

“Jihyun…” Jumin gasped his lover’s name as he watched him remove his shirt. Jumin had not thought that his heart could beat any faster but it felt as though pulse rate doubled when Jihyun took his shirt away.

His hands traveled at once to his lover’s chest but moved back around his body when they embraced. Jumin’s whole body was moving quite sensually. He wanted to feel his lover’s chest against his own and their skin pressed together.

Jumin had not gotten a good look at his friend, but no amount of scarring was likely to surprise him. He knew about the fire that had nearly claimed his friend’s life. He knew a bit about the tortures he’d suffered at Magenta and he also knew that Jihyun had done quite a bit of hiking and climbing when he was a photographer and that such activities might well leave scars behind. Jumin was more concerned with touching and feeling the newly exposed skin. He wanted to know how good he could make them both feel by touching and kissing it. Anything else, was irrelevant at the moment.

“Jihyun,” Jumin whispered again once his friend spoke. He loved the way the name rolled off of his tongue. While he had never objected when Jihyun had changed his name to “V”, Jumin found that he preferred calling his friend by the name he had first known him by. It was the name of his best friend and the man he loved. Although he had said the name many times before, he could never remember it sounding so sweet or feeling so good in his mouth. “You please me just by being near me. If you allow me to kiss and touch you, I can promise I will be satisfied. However, you are free to do with me as you wish. I’m yours entirely. Though I cannot deny, that I wish for you to do things to me that no one else would ever be permitted to do. I want to show you everything. I wish for you to know me completely.”

Jumin had turned his head, allowing Jihyun to kiss him as he pleased. His hands, which had moved to Jihyun’s back so that he could bring their bodies together traveled back around to Jihyun’s chest. Jumin shifted a bit so that his hands could move over the front of Jihyun’s body. His touch was firm but gentle. As his hands traveled higher, he lightly brushed his fingertips across Jihyun’s nipples. Although his mind told him that this was a very lewd thing to do, no part of it felt wrong. As long as Jihyun was happy, everything between them felt so so right.

          At the sound of his name falling from Jumin’s lips he lets out a pleased sound that rumbles in his throat. While he’s heard the other say his name before it never caused a spark like this within him. It made him feel wanted. He also hoped that with hearing it, it meant that he was doing something right.

          Listening to Jumin speak, he continues his assault of kisses to the mans shoulder. His tongue even runs lightly over the skin noting every curve and dip. The idea of getting to know every detail of Jumin was appealing and only seemed to fill him even more with desire. He wanted to figure out every little thing that Jumin liked, what he was interested in trying, and what gave him pleasure. It was like he would get to fill out his own personal book of details on Jumin that he would treasure, and it would be all for himself. The mere thought of being the only one to see Jumin this riled up was a pleasure all on its own and he knows if he had a chance he’d love to see it again.

          “Jumin…” His breath hitches in his throat followed by a soft moan at the sensitive touch. His bottom lip even manages to find itself wedged forcefully between his teeth as he recovers from the slight stimulation.

          He wiggles a bit underneath Jumin to try and sit up a bit more so he can pull the other down to allow their skin to meet. It’s a bit hard at the angle that he’s sitting, but eventually he manages. “Anything and everything you want…I’ll do it. I’ll let you do whatever you wish.”

          He knows that while Jumin said it was alright for him to also do what he pleases Jihyun can’t help but feel hesitant. In the end he was always one to ask permission if he could do something first or he had to wait until he was told that the exact action was alright to perform. The thought of potentially making Jumin uneasy with any of his choices just didn’t sit well with him, and if he was being honest he just preferred the certainty of it.

          “You need to tell me.” His voice is just above a whisper as he now moves to pressing more firm, open-mouthed kisses along the underside of Jumin’s jaw. He uses one hand to hold himself right up to Jumin as the other traces more patterns down the side of the others’ thigh. “Tell me what you want and it’s all yours.”

[ceojuminhan]

Truthfully, the thought of Jihyun doing anything that would make him uneasy had not really occurred to Jumin. Jihyun was always so kind and gentle, he trusted the other man not to do anything painful or strange, even if he had technically given permission for him to do so. He trusted this man completely and, as long a Jihyun enjoyed what they did, Jumin felt sure he would get pleasure from it as well.

Jihyun’s kisses and the way he pulled them close made Jumin ache to be even closer to him. While it would technically be possible in their current position, it was not exactly how Jumin wanted things. He could tell that Jihyun was getting a little frustrated with their positioning and honestly, Jumin was too. Now that Jihyun’s chest was exposed, he wanted to explore it with his lips. To travel even further down his body and to touch and explore without any inhibitions. He wanted this, but he wanted to make absolutely sure that the timing was right when he touched Jihyun for the first time. He didn’t want to work them up any more before he would be unable to finish what he started. Plus, kneeling like this was causing his legs to begin to hurt.

The feel of Jihyun’s fingers on this thigh had Jumin closing his eyes and moaning low. Yes, he needed to act now so that he could feel comfortable physically and otherwise, before taking things further.

“Will you come to my bed?” Jumin asked, looking the other man in the eye. There was something desperate in his gaze. Yes, he was tired of looking down at Jihyun and wanted them on top of one another so their lips and bodies would fit together more comfortably. “I’m sure you know what this means,” Jumin added, his hands moved down the sides of his lover’s body down towards his hips. “Though you should be aware that I do not plan to let you leave, once you do. I do not only mean that we will share our bodies, though I want that as well, but I desire to have you near me, every night.” He could not reach lower without moving away, so he let his hands move up Jihyun’s chest once more. “I want to feel your warmth while I sleep and smell your scent on my sheets. I want my bed to become yours so that you will sleep there each night. We will share our most private and intimate space together... Will you do this?”

If he had been thinking clearly, Jumin would have known that he was making a sudden and outrageous request of the other man. But still, whether he knew it or not, Jumin was not a man who would ever take a casual lover. It would break his heart for Jihyun to leave after doing something so intimate, and he wanted to save himself the pain.

His hands had moved up Jihyun’s chest and were touching his face once more. He captured the other man’s lips in a deep and passionate kiss. If he were honest with himself, Jumin wanted to spare himself his friend’s answer for a few moments. He sought the other man’s tongue, running his fingers through Jihyun’s hair with a sort of desperation while his hips began to move without him realizing it.

Once the kiss was broken, Jumin forced himself away. Every part of his body that was no longer touching Jihyun seemed to physically ache as he held a hand out to the other man, waiting for his answer.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

“Take as much time as you need,” Jumin told him softly. It was a far cry from the attitude he had first taken but something about being with his friend like this had softened his heart. V still trusted him so much and he could not betray that trust.

When V asked him then RFA members, Jumin stiffened.

“They do not,” Jumin replied, though it was clear from his voice that he was slightly uncomfortable. “The consensus was that we ought to trust your judgement. Seven in particular did not want me to go after you and so I did not tell them I was looking for you. I was afraid they might sabotage my efforts. I will tell them soon… Perhaps it was selfish of me, but I wished to devote my time towards your care and recovery. I expect there will be quite a lot to explain and some of our members will have a difficult time accepting this… I wished to postpone that until you were in more stable condition.”

Of course Jumin had no way of knowing how this news would impact Seven. He only knew how distressed Yoosung would be when he found out his cousin was still alive and what she had done. He expected Yoosung would be unhappy that Jumin didn’t ensure Rika was taken care of. Jumin was prepared for his anger but still wished to put it off for as long as possible. Or at least until he himself was in a better frame of mind to face it.

He was sure Zen would be upset. Zen was always extremely emotional and this was enough to have Jumin himself upset. He imagined it would cause quite a scene although he didn’t know the half of it.

Jumin’s mind was in enough chaos without the inevitable drama of the chatroom.

          Hearing that the others didn’t know of the situation while slightly relieving was also unnerving. It causes his whole body to tense and with the bit of strength he has he pushes himself back upright into a proper sitting position. His head automatically hangs down allowing his growing mint hair to cover up his face.

          “They’re not going to want to see me again when they hear the truth.” His voice is quiet yet firm as his hands lightly grip at the box of tissues again. “You shouldn’t have to tell them. You’ll only receive their backlash and it’s not your fault for what happened. I should take responsibility for it all, and if they wish to never see me again then I deserve such a reaction.”

          While that’s not the outcome he hoped for he knew it was possible. Everything about Rika, Saeran, and Mint Eye were huge secrets that wouldn’t be handled lightly. Trust would be broken and maybe he was being cowardly for it, but he was afraid to face them. Still, he knew that it would also be unfair to turn up without an explanation as to where he had gone and what happened to him. He lets out a broken sigh as he rests his face into his hands.

          More tears seem to pool at the corners of his eyes once again and he gives a shake of his head. “All I keep doing is hurting everyone. Them learning about Rika and all of the secrets I kept is only going to do more damage. They’re going to be upset that you figured it out and didn’t tell them straight away…My recovery be damned. I can’t hurt them anymore…I can’t hurt you anymore.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin frowned as he watched his friend continue to blame himself and imagine the worst outcome. He mentally scolded himself for not telling the RFA sooner. If he had, V would not be in this state now. Still, it could not be undone and Jumin would have to deal with things as they were. It was no use wishing they were different.

Jumin reached out and put a hand on his friend’s back. He rubbed gently as he spoke: “They will have to decide for themselves whether they are angry or not. I suspect that they will be upset to hear that you have been so badly hurt. Yoosung might be angry, but I fear there is not much you could do that would please him. Even before you left, he was angry with you. Perhaps once he knows the truth, with time, he will understand your actions and find it in his heart to forgive you. Zen is most likely to be sympathetic towards you. He has always considered you a friend and, while he has never been fond of me, he has always viewed you favorably. I believe he will understand why you did the things you did. Luciel has also been quite devoted to you and will probably be happy just to know that you’re alive. As for Jaehee and MC, I do not image they will be angry. But again, I cannot speak for them.”

Jumin was not sure if he should tell his friend the other problem that had crossed his mind, but then he decided that it would definitely occur to V sooner or later.

“I also do not believe that you have your phone with you. Whether you wish to be the one to tell them or not, it will be up to me to explain things until Luciel can download the messenger app into a new phone.”

It was possible that V’s phone was in the bag of clothing the hospital had handed him. The clothing was extremely dirty and partially destroyed by the paramedics so Jumin had not bothered to look through it. He suspected, however, that V had thrown his phone away before disappearing so that he could not be tracked. If it had been stored somewhere in the castle in the woods, there was no telling what happened to it.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin knew that Jihyun must be able to feel his heart racing but he doesn’t care. In fact, he hoped the other man could feel just how much he was enjoying this and feel the effect he had on Jumin. Normally Jumin would never allow himself to be this vulnerable. He tried his best not to let others know what he was thinking or feeling. However this was different. He trusted Jihyun and wanted to show him everything. Yes, this was the person Jumin would treasure. The one person he would allow to know the most intimate and vulnerable parts of him. While feeling such things normally made Jumin pull away, now it made him desire to hold Jihyun even closer.

Although Jumin had never felt insecure about his body, he couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous as Jihyun touched and undressed him. He knew that looks could be highly subjective and that, while Jumin fit many of the conventional standards of male beauty, he might not appeal to everyone. He prayed that Jihyun was not one of those people and that his lover would like what he saw and felt.

The feel of Jihyun’s fingers tracing his chest and moving lower had him trembling even more. Although Jumin had wanted to be above his lover, the touch made him desire to lay on his back and let the other man touch and explore him to his heart’s content. His own hands gently explored Jihyun’s back. He felt so warm. His skin was soft but his back was strong. Jumin’s hands moved higher, pulling the shirt with them.

“I cannot say if I enjoy it or not,” Jumin answered honestly, nuzzling Jihyun neck as he spoke, which made his words come out a bit muffled. “At the time, it did not appeal to me. But I am not opposed to trying it, if you would like.”

He moved his face to kiss Jihyun’s cheek.

Perhaps the question did not really need to be answered but Jumin had no reason to hide the information. Even if he was embarrassed by it, he would not keep secrets from his best friend and now more than ever.

“I believe it was an article entitled ‘25 Ways to Drive him Crazy in Bed.,’” he stated. It did not occur to him to offer more of an explanation but he wanted to be clear that he was not speaking from personal experience. He did not want to make Jihyun jealous or to allow him to think that Jumin would do something like this flippantly.

The truth was, he had taken his father to a doctor’s appointment and read the article while he waited. It was not a serious procedure but it was invasive enough that Chairman Han wanted company and Jumin felt he should go instead of whoever his father happened to be dating at the time. Jumin had not read it with the intention of using these techniques on anyone, but he was curious if any of them would appeal to him. They had not. At least not at the time.

Jumin moved back to lightly cup Jihyun’s cheeks while he looked into his eyes. “I never wish to hurt you or handle you roughly,” Jumin explained, the sincerity showing in his gaze. “However, I very much want to please you. I want to explore every inch of you. I think I would try almost anything to give you pleasure. But I never wish to cause you pain or discomfort of any kind.”

Saying this, he kissed his lover again before returning to his ear. Jumin traced it again with his tongue before taking Jihyun’s earlobe carefully between his teeth. It was not nearly enough to hurt and probably barely enough to feel as Jumin used his teeth to pull the ear ever so slightly. He released it quickly, barely pulling it at all and then teased the earlobe with his tongue as if to heal any hurt he might have caused.

“Did you enjoy that?” He whispered in Jihyun’s ear, voice sounding rather hesitant and unsure.

          It’s hard to hold back another laugh, this one more light out of pure amusement. The thought of Jumin reading such a thing, wherever he had found it, was quite an image. He guesses that his friend hadn’t bought something with such an article inside and the thought of Jumin reading it in public is so like him. It warms his heart at how innocent Jumin can be in such situations that it leaves another string of laughter to tumble from his lips with ease.

          “That sounds like quite a read.” He comments with an uncontainable smile resting on his face. It leaves him somewhat intrigued as to what the rest of the article says, but he knows he’d be too embarrassed to ever read something like that all the way through.

          When Jumin’s hands are back on his face in combination with his words, he feels his cheeks heat up once again. His mouth open and closes several times almost at a loss of his own voice, his brain scrambling for words. No one really offered such things to him before like that and it threatens to bring tears to his eyes. Of course he knew that Jumin would never hurt him and always wanted him to be happy, but hearing it aloud in this moment had his heart swelling with emotion.

          He returns the kiss when it’s given to him and his hands stop moving once Jumin’s back at his ear. At the sensation his nails lightly brush along the skin of Jumin’s back. He sucks in a breath followed by a long hum. It even has another shiver running through him as he unconsciously holds Jumin a bit closer.

          “Y-Yes.” His voice is slightly breathless again, and after a moment he presses a lingering kiss to the junction of Jumin’s neck and shoulder. “All of me is yours if you want it. I trust you.”

          Knowing that Jumin’s hands had kept running along his back, he carefully sits back a bit to remove his own shirt with some hesitation. The idea of showing off years of scars and burns on his torso has him nervous, but he hates knowing that the article of clothing gets in the way of Jumin’s exploration. So he sets it aside before pulling himself quickly back up against Jumin’s body as if to hide himself a bit more.

          Being so close, he returns one hand to Jumin’s hair and the other at his shoulder. He takes to pressing a few more kisses along Jumin’s neck, some are merely gentle and others are open mouthed as he trails his way up to Jumin’s jaw. Once he gets just below his ear he places one last tender kiss before stopping.

          “I hope in turn I can pleasure you as well. I want to discover every little detail I wasn’t able to before and to hold such information close to my heart. I want to be able to satisfy you.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin trembled when he felt Jihyun’s nails against his back. He was certain the other man must have noticed his reaction but he didn’t mind. In fact, he wanted Jihyun to see the effect he had on him and to know just how much he liked everything his lover was doing.

He let out a sensual moan when Jihyun offered himself to him. It was almost too much. He wanted this man so badly and somehow he was blessed to have Jihyun wanting him in return. It felt so rare. So special and it just made him want to treasure his lover even more.

“Jihyun...” Jumin gasped his lover’s name as he watched him remove his shirt. Jumin had not thought that his heart could beat any faster but it felt as though pulse rate doubled when Jihyun took his shirt away.

His hands traveled at once to his lover’s chest but moved back around his body when they embraced. Jumin’s whole body was moving quite sensually. He wanted to feel his lover’s chest against his own and their skin pressed together.

Jumin had not gotten a good look at his friend, but no amount of scarring was likely to surprise him. He knew about the fire that had nearly claimed his friend’s life. He knew a bit about the tortures he’d suffered at Magenta and he also knew that Jihyun had done quite a bit of hiking and climbing when he was a photographer and that such activities might well leave scars behind. Jumin was more concerned with touching and feeling the newly exposed skin. He wanted to know how good he could make them both feel by touching and kissing it. Anything else, was irrelevant at the moment.

“Jihyun,” Jumin whispered again once his friend spoke. He loved the way the name rolled off of his tongue. While he had never objected when Jihyun had changed his name to “V”, Jumin found that he preferred calling his friend by the name he had first known him by. It was the name of his best friend and the man he loved. Although he had said the name many times before, he could never remember it sounding so sweet or feeling so good in his mouth. “You please me just by being near me. If you allow me to kiss and touch you, I can promise I will be satisfied. However, you are free to do with me as you wish. I’m yours entirely. Though I cannot deny, that I wish for you to do things to me that no one else would ever be permitted to do. I want to show you everything. I wish for you to know me completely.”

Jumin had turned his head, allowing Jihyun to kiss him as he pleased. His hands, which had moved to Jihyun’s back so that he could bring their bodies together traveled back around to Jihyun’s chest. Jumin shifted a bit so that his hands could move over the front of Jihyun’s body. His touch was firm but gentle. As his hands traveled higher, he lightly brushed his fingertips across Jihyun’s nipples. Although his mind told him that this was a very lewd thing to do, no part of it felt wrong. As long as Jihyun was happy, everything between them felt so so right.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin was used to receiving compliments and so they rarely had any effect on him. He knew that others meant to flatter him and he was often aware enough of his own skills that he did not need to have it pointed out to him when he had done well. However, in spite of all this, V’s words made his chest feel tight. It was a warm but also painful feeling and he felt his eyes starting to sting for reasons he could not explain. It was a terribly uncomfortable feeling but it also caused him to run his fingers a bit more deeply through V’s hair and to gently rub his back with his other hand. It was not an unpleasant feeling per se, but it was rather uncomfortable.

For once, Jumin had no idea what to say in response and was quiet for some time.

“I am honored that you feel that way,” softly spoke at last.

The thought that V could have died had him wrapping his arms around him a bit more, as though simply holding him could keep him alive and out of danger.

“I hope you will see that you are no longer in such a dark place,” he added at last, hoping to turn the conversation away from him. “I feel that restoring your vision might help you to feel safer, since it would allow you to clearly see where you are. I do hope you will go through with it.”

Although he would never say it out loud, Jumin felt that he might be in for a very long stretch of not sleeping, at least until V had the surgery. Rightly or wrongly, he imagined that every time his friend woke, Jumin would have to reorient him to where he was and assure him that he was safe. Nightmare were probably to be expected as well and until V could orient himself and sleep through the night, Jumin had no intentions of leaving him. Honestly, the thought did not even cross his mind. He was going to be staying with his friend for some time and that was that.

          With the response he gets, a light smile pulls at the corners of his lips. While he knows Jumin has heard many compliments and complaints towards him throughout his life, V was always ready to shed some light onto his friend. Others called him heartless, but in his eyes Jumin was full of heart. Maybe he didn’t express it as others would’ve liked but he did show it in his own ways. It was a unique trait that Jumin seemed to have and V was glad that he was able to witness such a thing.

          It’s only when the conversation is flipped back onto him, to his eyes, that a frown begins to reform. He blinks his eyes open slowly as his grip on Jumin’s shirt tightens. They haven’t talked about it all that long ago, but it leaves him to start thinking once again.

          Jumin was most likely right that he would probably feel safer if his eyes were properly functioning. He wouldn’t have to constantly doubt his surroundings and he would be able to know what was going on around him. It was an appealing thought being able to try and separate the reality from his fears. Still, he couldn’t help but feel that he was also somewhat afraid of seeing. The thought of seeing others faces, the potential pity if they knew what happened to him, had his stomach doing little flips. He lets out a quiet groan before his eyes slip shut again.

          “I…need to think about it.” His voice is just above a whisper as he turns his face more into Jumin’s stomach. It was such a weighted decision that he would hate to give an outright answer now without some thought. Taking in a deep breath, a sigh heavily escapes him.

          “Do the rest of the members know what happened? Did you tell them?”

[ceojuminhan]

“Take as much time as you need,” Jumin told him softly. It was a far cry from the attitude he had first taken but something about being with his friend like this had softened his heart. V still trusted him so much and he could not betray that trust.

When V asked him then RFA members, Jumin stiffened.

“They do not,” Jumin replied, though it was clear from his voice that he was slightly uncomfortable. “The consensus was that we ought to trust your judgement. Seven in particular did not want me to go after you and so I did not tell them I was looking for you. I was afraid they might sabotage my efforts. I will tell them soon... Perhaps it was selfish of me, but I wished to devote my time towards your care and recovery. I expect there will be quite a lot to explain and some of our members will have a difficult time accepting this... I wished to postpone that until you were in more stable condition.”

Of course Jumin had no way of knowing how this news would impact Seven. He only knew how distressed Yoosung would be when he found out his cousin was still alive and what she had done. He expected Yoosung would be unhappy that Jumin didn’t ensure Rika was taken care of. Jumin was prepared for his anger but still wished to put it off for as long as possible. Or at least until he himself was in a better frame of mind to face it.

He was sure Zen would be upset. Zen was always extremely emotional and this was enough to have Jumin himself upset. He imagined it would cause quite a scene although he didn’t know the half of it.

Jumin’s mind was in enough chaos without the inevitable drama of the chatroom.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin moaned into the kiss when Jihyun began to removed his cardigan. There was something almost unbearably attractive about the other man exposing himself like this. Something about the act made it seem as though Jihyun was offering himself to Jumin and it was almost more than the corporate heir could take.

Jihyun’s desire seemed so genuine and it was driving him mad. Of course there had been more than a few people who had shown interest in Jumin in the past. Sometimes Jumin had even led them on for a time but their desires always seemed painfully fake to him. Perhaps it was because Jumin could not imagine being attracted to a person he did not know, he assumed others must feel the same way. He also knew that many of the people who showed interest only wanted to be with him because of who he was. He was certain they would smile and moan whether they truly enjoyed what he did or not. 

With Jihyun everything was different. He knew the other man well enough that he believed he would be able to see through it if Jihyun was simply going along with this to please him. However, Jihyun was eager and the way he touched Jumin’s chest showed him that he truly wanted this. He knew that if Jihyun desired him, there was something deeper that his friend saw in him. Jihyun was not after money or sex. He knew that, to Jihyun, this was special and that meant Jumin must be special to him as well. While it could never be said that Jumin struggled with self esteem, there was something so amazing about someone like Jihyun wanting him like this.

Jumin’s eyes closed slightly and his body visibly shook when Jihyun spoke those words to him.

“Jihyun…” he sighed the man’s name in a soft, breathless voice. Words failed in that moment, but simply saying the other’s name was a powerful turn on. It reminded Jumin who he was with and that this was all real.

The corporate heir moved his arms from the other man just long enough to let his now open shirt fall to the floor. He then moved his hands to Jihyun’s back and began to gently move his fingers, lifting the other man’s shirt as he did so until he could slip his hands onto his friend’s nude back.

“I love the feel of your hands on my chest,” he murmured before tracing the edge of Jihyun’s ear with his tongue. 

“I have heard that some people enjoy the feel of teeth on their ears and neck. Are you one of those people, Jihyun?”

          At the sound of his name a shiver rolls down his spine yet again. The sound of it was amazing and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy hearing it. It seemed to add to the feeling of Jumin surrounding him. Yet being so enclosed in such a space wasn’t horrible by any means.

          In this space there was warmth. It radiated off of their bodies and the gentle touches. Even Jumin’s scent invaded his nose, and every breath and word was sweet to his ears as if someone was playing peaceful music in the background. It was a place he never knew he wanted to be, and now that he was there he wanted to be selfish and soak it all in. For it made him feel protected, and for the first time in a long time he even dared to think he felt loved. There was no pressure to be someone he wasn’t and no guilt-trips. It was just him and Jumin, and it was wonderful.

          When Jumin states liking his hands on his chest he does his best to shift a bit closer. His other arm hooks somewhat under and over Jumin’s shoulder to hold himself up a bit better as he traces light patterns into the skin of Jumin’s chest. Yet it doesn’t stop another hum escaping him at the feeling of Jumin being right at his ear.

          It takes him a moment to think as his fingers lightly trace down to the muscles of Jumin’s stomach. Every touch he makes is an effort to map Jumin out. For so long he had gone without his sight, and he silently vows to commit every curve to memory by sight and touch.

          “I’m not sure…” He admits a bit breathless. Thinking back on any intimate moments, no matter how shallow or deep they went, most of the time he had always been the one to initiate, to give. The natural instinct to please his partner, or to just simply do as asked, had always been the priority. It felt like a rarity that his wants were put first, and though it was his own fault for such things he never complained about it. The need to make his partner happy and satisfied first and foremost was what he had always focused on instead.

          His hand now begins to trail to Jumin’s back to drift along the muscles there. With Jumin’s position he can feel how taut they are under his fingertips and he can’t help but adore it as he takes his time figuring out the lines of each muscle.

          Now he presses a gentle yet firm kiss to the side of Jumin’s own neck. His breathing continues in waves, but he forces the words out regardless. “Now I’m left wondering if you’re one of those people…and just where you heard this from.”

          He lets out a breathless laugh at the idea of Jumin having read it somewhere, or the mere fact that someone had spoken about it in his presence.

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin knew that Jihyun must be able to feel his heart racing but he doesn’t care. In fact, he hoped the other man could feel just how much he was enjoying this and feel the effect he had on Jumin. Normally Jumin would never allow himself to be this vulnerable. He tried his best not to let others know what he was thinking or feeling. However this was different. He trusted Jihyun and wanted to show him everything. Yes, this was the person Jumin would treasure. The one person he would allow to know the most intimate and vulnerable parts of him. While feeling such things normally made Jumin pull away, now it made him desire to hold Jihyun even closer.

Although Jumin had never felt insecure about his body, he couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous as Jihyun touched and undressed him. He knew that looks could be highly subjective and that, while Jumin fit many of the conventional standards of male beauty, he might not appeal to everyone. He prayed that Jihyun was not one of those people and that his lover would like what he saw and felt.

The feel of Jihyun’s fingers tracing his chest and moving lower had him trembling even more. Although Jumin had wanted to be above his lover, the touch made him desire to lay on his back and let the other man touch and explore him to his heart’s content. His own hands gently explored Jihyun’s back. He felt so warm. His skin was soft but his back was strong. Jumin’s hands moved higher, pulling the shirt with them.

“I cannot say if I enjoy it or not,” Jumin answered honestly, nuzzling Jihyun neck as he spoke, which made his words come out a bit muffled. “At the time, it did not appeal to me. But I am not opposed to trying it, if you would like.”

He moved his face to kiss Jihyun’s cheek.

Perhaps the question did not really need to be answered but Jumin had no reason to hide the information. Even if he was embarrassed by it, he would not keep secrets from his best friend and now more than ever.

“I believe it was an article entitled ‘25 Ways to Drive him Crazy in Bed.,’” he stated. It did not occur to him to offer more of an explanation but he wanted to be clear that he was not speaking from personal experience. He did not want to make Jihyun jealous or to allow him to think that Jumin would do something like this flippantly.

The truth was, he had taken his father to a doctor’s appointment and read the article while he waited. It was not a serious procedure but it was invasive enough that Chairman Han wanted company and Jumin felt he should go instead of whoever his father happened to be dating at the time. Jumin had not read it with the intention of using these techniques on anyone, but he was curious if any of them would appeal to him. They had not. At least not at the time.

Jumin moved back to lightly cup Jihyun’s cheeks while he looked into his eyes. “I never wish to hurt you or handle you roughly,” Jumin explained, the sincerity showing in his gaze. “However, I very much want to please you. I want to explore every inch of you. I think I would try almost anything to give you pleasure. But I never wish to cause you pain or discomfort of any kind.”

Saying this, he kissed his lover again before returning to his ear. Jumin traced it again with his tongue before taking Jihyun’s earlobe carefully between his teeth. It was not nearly enough to hurt and probably barely enough to feel as Jumin used his teeth to pull the ear ever so slightly. He released it quickly, barely pulling it at all and then teased the earlobe with his tongue as if to heal any hurt he might have caused.

“Did you enjoy that?” He whispered in Jihyun’s ear, voice sounding rather hesitant and unsure.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin stiffened a bit when V spoke of his tormenters wishing to see how broken he could get. He felt a wave of emotions: shock, anger, frustration that he had not acted sooner, pain for his friend… Anger rose above them all. He prided himself on being able to understand things and see them from a logical perspective. He could often see where others were coming from, even if he did not agree with them, however, hurting someone as kind and gentle as V was something Jumin could not relate to. While he was far from a saint, Jumin could not understand getting pleasure from hurting anyone. Perhaps for revenge but, to his knowledge, V had done nothing to anger anyone and he could not imagine a crime that would be worthy of the kinds of suffering his friend had endured.

When V pointed out that he was not alone because Jumin was there, Jumin almost offered to get someone else to come be with him. He felt like a poor excuse for company and he suspected that Zen would be better able to provide V with the comfort that he needed now. However, as V continued to speak, Jumin was absolutely shocked by what he had to say. He had been standing beside his friend and now he reached down, gently guiding V’s head towards his stomach while he continued to stroke his head.

“No one has ever said that I give them warmth,” Jumin couldn’t help but say. “I am often described as “cold” and uncaring. While it’s quite untrue that I don’t have feelings, I wish that I had more warmth to offer you. You know, more than most, that I am not good at offering comfort. Though, if I knew how to give it, I would offer you some now.”

He wondered what V’s time at Mint Eye had been like. Had everyone there tormented him? Had they ignored him? When he mentioned being surrounded by people, he prayed that V had not had an audience for his torture, though he suspected that was the case. He could not imagine the humiliation that would add to the physical pain his friend had endured. The thought made him pull his friend a bit closer, wishing that he could protect his friend from the past and from his own memories.

          As Jumin pulled him closer he let him. The comfort that he felt from the contact was reassuring. It was further proof to his previous statement about the warmth that Jumin gave off. He presses his face a bit more into the others’ stomach as he closes his eyes and tries to relax any muscles that have remained tense.

          “I’ve always thought you were warm. You have never been cold in my eyes.” His words are gentle as he gives a slight pull on Jumin’s shirt. “Others may not see it, but I always have. You were there for me when I had no path of my own. You gave me a guiding hand when my mother passed away. You even came out to find me when you had the choice to also leave me there.”

          Even if he can’t see, he tries to peek up at Jumin through his lashes as he keeps his head resting against him. “Even if you don’t see it, even if you don’t realize it, you’re warmer than you know. You don’t give yourself enough credit for those kinds of things. Ever since the day I met you, you’ve always done your best. For those you care about you hold out your hand to pull them back up even if it’s just for a single step forward. Sometimes one step is all it takes.”

          He closes his eyes again as he tries to adjust his body on the chair to be a bit more comfortable. The scent rolling off of Jumin’s clothes, the one that he came to know so well, was calming and he lets out a content sigh.

          “You have given me so much comfort, Jumin. More than I deserve. You have an aura that’s all your own and while it may not fit everyone’s vision of what warmth is to me you provide it wonderfully.” A pause is taken as he pulls in a breath. “If it weren’t for you I’d still be there…maybe by now I’d even be dead. But you care enough for me that you saved me despite the risks. You restored the warmth in a dark place.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin was used to receiving compliments and so they rarely had any effect on him. He knew that others meant to flatter him and he was often aware enough of his own skills that he did not need to have it pointed out to him when he had done well. However, in spite of all this, V’s words made his chest feel tight. It was a warm but also painful feeling and he felt his eyes starting to sting for reasons he could not explain. It was a terribly uncomfortable feeling but it also caused him to run his fingers a bit more deeply through V’s hair and to gently rub his back with his other hand. It was not an unpleasant feeling per se, but it was rather uncomfortable.

For once, Jumin had no idea what to say in response and was quiet for some time.

“I am honored that you feel that way,” softly spoke at last.

The thought that V could have died had him wrapping his arms around him a bit more, as though simply holding him could keep him alive and out of danger.

“I hope you will see that you are no longer in such a dark place,” he added at last, hoping to turn the conversation away from him. “I feel that restoring your vision might help you to feel safer, since it would allow you to clearly see where you are. I do hope you will go through with it.”

Although he would never say it out loud, Jumin felt that he might be in for a very long stretch of not sleeping, at least until V had the surgery. Rightly or wrongly, he imagined that every time his friend woke, Jumin would have to reorient him to where he was and assure him that he was safe. Nightmare were probably to be expected as well and until V could orient himself and sleep through the night, Jumin had no intentions of leaving him. Honestly, the thought did not even cross his mind. He was going to be staying with his friend for some time and that was that.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jihyun’s touch and even his gentle kiss were enough to make Jumin desire to cast all of his restraint aside and capture the other man’s lips. His whole body was aching in a way unfamiliar to him. 

After Jihyun spoke, Jumin closed his eyes and embraced his friend, resting his head on Jihyun’s shoulder. He needed a moment to sort through his thoughts.

He was inclined to say something about how he could not trust his feelings if what Jihyun and Rika had felt was not love. But then he thought about how Jihyun leaving Rika had been similar to removing a gangrenous limb. Certainly, even if they had been married, a divorce would have been necessary. He could not fault his friend for leaving her, in fact, Jumin himself had been the one to facilitate it. Perhaps there were never any guarantees with such things. However, if Jumin were ever to trust anyone with his heart and his body, it would be Jihyun. He doubted that, if things did not work out between them, that he would ever find another. He was actively against finding a partner until these feelings had arisen. However, Jihyun had not broken down Jumin’s walls, he was already inside them. Perhaps he always had been.

Somehow, Jumin had always imagined marriage and sex as the final step in a long process of getting to know a partner and developing trust. But what he felt for Jihyun, what they had experienced together, felt closer than he had ever imagined being to a future bride. There was certainly no lack of trust between them and, in that moment, waiting felt like an insult to the intimacy they already shared. Certainly he’d already proven to himself that he was not like his father and his women. Besides, who was he saving himself for if not for Jihyun?

Jumin finally pulled back and it was his turn to gently cup his lover’s face while looking into his eyes with a determined and passionate stare.

“I desire to be as close to you as you will permit,” Jumin spoke, in a husky breathless voice, “I could never regret being with you.”

Saying this, Jumin kissed the other man quite passionately. He softly brushed Jihyun’s lips with his tongue while he did what he had been aching to do for some time and moved his other leg onto the sofa beside Jihyun. He was now straddling the other man and capturing him even more fully between Jumin’s body and the back of the couch. He wanted to cover Jihyun with his own body, to hide and protect him from the world and to keep the other only for himself.

Jumin’s hands explored Jihyun’s neck and shoulders. His fingers slipped under the collar of his lover’s shirt, desiring to touch more of his skin and less of his clothing.

          When Jumin rested his head onto his shoulder he allowed him to do so. He silently began threading his fingers through Jumin’s dark hair as he waited. In his mind he was always a patient person and would accept whatever decision the other would make. While it was always after a need to please and to not make his partner feel awkward, it also wasn’t a priority to a relationship in his eyes. If a wait was asked for it would easily be permitted just as much as the go-ahead would be.

          Still, there was something about the connection of it all that was what Jihyun truly valued about it. Something about making the other satisfied and knowing that they were right there was the most appealing aspect to him. Such things would fill him with its own sense of pleasure. It wasn’t to say that his own desires wouldn’t arise from such an occasion, but that he loved to see his partner happy. He wanted to see Jumin happy.

          Feeling Jumin pull away, his hands slide down to settle onto the others’ chest. His eyebrows are raised expectantly for whatever answer he would receive, and once he has it his cheeks feel like they begin to burn. The tone of Jumin’s voice is inviting and he feels his heartbeat quicken once again at the choice. It leaves him easily accepting the kiss with a soft moan rumbling in his throat.

          His head tips up a bit to accommodate Jumin’s shift in position and he slowly moves to remove his own cardigan from his shoulders. Jihyun’s hands then find themselves gently clasping at the buttons of Jumin’s shirt before undoing the first few.

          “You have me. All of me.” It’s only when he needs a bit of air again that he backs off to mumble the words between their lips before giving a small tug to Jumin’s shirt to bring him in deep. His head tilts at a bit more of an angle in his attempts to bring Jumin as close as he can get him. One hand goes back to hold at a button and the other slides up to the back of Jumin’s neck.

          Fingers easily find themselves winding back into Jumin’s hair as his other hand makes careful work of the rest of the buttons. It’s only when he finishes them does he brush the fabric aside just enough to rest his hand flush against the other mans chest, right over his heart. Jumin’s skin feels warm and delicate under his fingers. He even swears that if he concentrates enough he could feel the heir’s heartbeat right beneath the surface, and it pulls out a delighted hum from within his own chest.

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin moaned into the kiss when Jihyun began to removed his cardigan. There was something almost unbearably attractive about the other man exposing himself like this. Something about the act made it seem as though Jihyun was offering himself to Jumin and it was almost more than the corporate heir could take.

Jihyun’s desire seemed so genuine and it was driving him mad. Of course there had been more than a few people who had shown interest in Jumin in the past. Sometimes Jumin had even led them on for a time but their desires always seemed painfully fake to him. Perhaps it was because Jumin could not imagine being attracted to a person he did not know, he assumed others must feel the same way. He also knew that many of the people who showed interest only wanted to be with him because of who he was. He was certain they would smile and moan whether they truly enjoyed what he did or not. 

With Jihyun everything was different. He knew the other man well enough that he believed he would be able to see through it if Jihyun was simply going along with this to please him. However, Jihyun was eager and the way he touched Jumin’s chest showed him that he truly wanted this. He knew that if Jihyun desired him, there was something deeper that his friend saw in him. Jihyun was not after money or sex. He knew that, to Jihyun, this was special and that meant Jumin must be special to him as well. While it could never be said that Jumin struggled with self esteem, there was something so amazing about someone like Jihyun wanting him like this.

Jumin’s eyes closed slightly and his body visibly shook when Jihyun spoke those words to him.

“Jihyun...” he sighed the man’s name in a soft, breathless voice. Words failed in that moment, but simply saying the other’s name was a powerful turn on. It reminded Jumin who he was with and that this was all real.

The corporate heir moved his arms from the other man just long enough to let his now open shirt fall to the floor. He then moved his hands to Jihyun’s back and began to gently move his fingers, lifting the other man’s shirt as he did so until he could slip his hands onto his friend’s nude back.

“I love the feel of your hands on my chest,” he murmured before tracing the edge of Jihyun’s ear with his tongue. 

“I have heard that some people enjoy the feel of teeth on their ears and neck. Are you one of those people, Jihyun?”

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Truthfully, Jumin was surprised that V didn’t want him to leave but he was thankful that the other man admitted it.

When V confessed that he did not want to be alone, Jumin reached out and began to run his fingers through V’s mint strands once more. It must be from petting Elizabeth 3rd that made this feel natural to him, but he feared with V’s vision problems, he might need the contact to remind him that Jumin was there.

“You were drugged, nearly blinded, beaten, faced death, and I suspect other tortures that I am unaware of. Such things would terrify even the bravest person. It is nothing to be ashamed of. If I am honest, I’m surprised that you emerged with your sanity in tact. That does not make you a coward and neither does fearing that you would somehow wake up to find yourself back in a cell. I cannot say with certainty that I would have survived half as well as you under those conditions. Given the circumstances, survival itself is a miracle.”

Jumin noticed V holding his dirty tissues and quickly located the rubbish bin. He moved it next to V’s chair even though he had to stretch to reach it. The most logical thing would have been to walk towards it but somehow he was unable to move himself away from the other man, even for a moment.

“I have placed the rubbish bin beside your chair on the left,” Jumin spoke hardly changing tone at all, even though he switched topics drastically. As far as he was concerned, he was just stating facts.

“And you are not alone,” he added more softly, as he resumed petting his friend’s hair. “I am right here. I will stay for as long as you need me to.”

It helped him that V was clear about what he needed. If he just needed to not be alone and assured that he was safe, Jumin felt that he could do as much. He still felt as though he was doing this wrong. V must know that he is not alone with Jumin petting his hair. Why has he bothered to say it? He felt a sliver of guilt that V was stuck with him. Jumin had almost no experience comforting people and knew that he was awkward at best with such things. However, the one thing Jumin had in his favor was control over himself and the resources to protect his friend. He knew that V was safe with him. Even if Jumin could not trust anyone else, he trusted himself not to hurt his friend and he trusted that he had more than enough security forces and body guards to keep any dangers away. Safe and not alone. If that was all V needed, Jumin could easily provide for him.

          Feeling Jumin’s fingers running through his hair has him leaning slightly into the touch. While he didn’t voice it the action was soothing. It helped him relax his muscles a bit more and gave him a bit of the reassurance that he needed. Though it may have helped some things it certainly didn’t fix everything, but he supposes it’s alright to indulge in a nice sensation for a change. So he does his best to concentrate on it even as he listens to Jumin.

          “Haaahh…” It leaves him as if exhaling a breath, but his focus remains turned to the window. It bothered him somewhat to know that Jumin knew all of those things. Well, he didn’t know all of the details, but it was a reminder that Jumin had seen him like that in the first place. That the state he was found in was probably discussed. He presses his lips into a thin line for a moment and decides that it’s best not to go into the details of what had happened at that place. In fact, he himself still had to come to terms with it let alone trying to recall it to another.

          “I’d like to agree with you, but I’m finding it rather hard to do so.” Now he lets out a sigh followed by a very slight shake of his head. “I don’t feel like a whole person, Jumin. I feel like a cracked mirror with shards falling out every so often. But no one ever dares to face the reflection in them, and not even I could seem to glue the pieces back together. They seemed to take pleasure in seeing how broken I could get. I just let them do as they please so Rika would be satisfied with me hoping it would be enough.”

          Glancing in the direction that Jumin had mentioned the trash being in, he hesitates for a moment as he squeezes the dirty tissues before reaching out to throw them away. Sitting back again in his seat he begins to stare down at his hands.

          “And I know I’m not alone…but that’s only because you are here.” He pulls in another breath to steady himself as he feels another tear yet again trail down his cheek. “While at Mint Eye no matter how many people they had surrounding me it always felt so lonely. The only times where it didn’t feel as cold was when Rika or Saeran were there…but their visits weren’t as pleasant as I wish I could say they were. Even in a crowded room one can still feel lonely, because it’s the people surrounding you that matter.”

          He reaches out a hand now to lightly grasp at the edges of Jumin’s shirt as if to further remind himself that Jumin was still there. “It’s like…going to a meeting where you don’t know anyone. They’re all conversing, speaking about you, saying things, but it’s words that make you feel empty. You feel like you belong in a corner despite the room being filled with conversation and the only time you feel like stepping into the middle of the room is when someone important to you walks in. They brighten the atmosphere and allow you to feel more comfortable just by their presence alone. That’s what you have done for me, Jumin. You make me feel less lonely in a cold place. You give it warmth.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jumin stiffened a bit when V spoke of his tormenters wishing to see how broken he could get. He felt a wave of emotions: shock, anger, frustration that he had not acted sooner, pain for his friend... Anger rose above them all. He prided himself on being able to understand things and see them from a logical perspective. He could often see where others were coming from, even if he did not agree with them, however, hurting someone as kind and gentle as V was something Jumin could not relate to. While he was far from a saint, Jumin could not understand getting pleasure from hurting anyone. Perhaps for revenge but, to his knowledge, V had done nothing to anger anyone and he could not imagine a crime that would be worthy of the kinds of suffering his friend had endured.

When V pointed out that he was not alone because Jumin was there, Jumin almost offered to get someone else to come be with him. He felt like a poor excuse for company and he suspected that Zen would be better able to provide V with the comfort that he needed now. However, as V continued to speak, Jumin was absolutely shocked by what he had to say. He had been standing beside his friend and now he reached down, gently guiding V’s head towards his stomach while he continued to stroke his head.

“No one has ever said that I give them warmth,” Jumin couldn’t help but say. “I am often described as “cold” and uncaring. While it’s quite untrue that I don’t have feelings, I wish that I had more warmth to offer you. You know, more than most, that I am not good at offering comfort. Though, if I knew how to give it, I would offer you some now.”

He wondered what V’s time at Mint Eye had been like. Had everyone there tormented him? Had they ignored him? When he mentioned being surrounded by people, he prayed that V had not had an audience for his torture, though he suspected that was the case. He could not imagine the humiliation that would add to the physical pain his friend had endured. The thought made him pull his friend a bit closer, wishing that he could protect his friend from the past and from his own memories.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

The feel of Jihyun’s hands on him, the sound of his heavy breathing, the way his skin felt under Jumin’s hands, it was so intoxicating. He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and get hopelessly lost in his lover. Still, Jumin did his best to focus on his friend’s words. He knew that this was important and he never wanted to do anything to upset or trigger Jihyun. He wanted nothing more than to make him feel happy and safe and to make sure his touch only brought comfort and pleasure to the other man.

Once Jihyun started to talk, he found that he was hanging on to every word. He could tell how hard this was for the other man but it was also terribly important.

At his friend’s words, Jumin couldn’t help imagining gently kissing and touching Jihyun’s arms, chest, neck, face… He wanted to show the other man just how gentle he could be and how good it would feel. Somehow the thought of rough touches or hurting Jihyun never crossed his mind, even after his friend mentioned it. His mind went instead to what he’d like to do and filled Jumin with so many ideas…

Jumin had been looking at his friend and he reached up to caress Jihyun’s face. He was prepared to tell him how much he wanted to touch every part of him. He wished to map the other’s body to find where he most liked to be touched. However, Jihyun’s question caused Jumin to be the one to look away.

There was something. It had been playing in the back of his mind, but he didn’t know how to address it or even if he wanted to.

“You might recall,” Jumin spoke, finally forcing himself to look back at his friend, “when we were younger, I had always said that I wished to refrain from the act of intercourse until I was married.”

He embraced Jihyun and put his head beside Jihyun’s, in part to avoid looking at him as he spoke. Although Jumin had told his friend about this when they were younger, it was not a subject that had been broached for many years. Honestly, there was no reason for it to be. In fact, once Jihyun and Rika were living together, Jumin avoided the topic simply so that he would not appear to be judging his friend. He respected that Jihyun wished to run his life differently from Jumin and what was good for him would not necessarily be good for his friend. Besides, Jumin had never had a girlfriend and so the topic naturally never arose.

“I… have not changed in that regard… However, I must confess that, I am beginning to feel conflicted about this matter. While I understand the legal implications of a marriage contract and the personal commitment that goes into making one,” he pulled back and caressed Jihyun’s face, so that he could see his friend’s face once more, “when I look at you, I can’t help but feel that it is nothing more than a rather stuffy formality. I feel the commitment has already been made in my heart.”

Hearing himself speak, he couldn’t help but wonder if Jihyun and Rika had said something similar to one another. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, he shook his head as if to drive it away. He felt foolish saying such things to a man who was once engaged and so devoted that he had followed his fiancée in to a literal Hell.

“Forgive me,” he added, looking at his friend with a sad smile and eyes that couldn’t quite hide what he was feeling. “I fear I have gotten much too far ahead of myself and I do not wish to upset you.”

There was a rare vulnerability in Jumin’s eyes. He hoped that Jihyun might allow the matter to drop.  He no longer wanted to feel whatever was eating away at his heart. He wanted to push it aside and pretend it wasn’t there.

          The conversation that Jumin mentioned may be fuzzy in his mind, but he certainly does remember it. They had talked about finding a significant other in the past, albeit briefly. So many around their age had started dating and rumors of people getting busy after school had spread. It made sense for Jumin to feel this way even if Jihyun didn’t follow in exactly the same footsteps as him.

          So it leaves his cheeks turning a bit read yet again as he continues to listen to his friend. The fact that he had felt conflicted over a matter when it came to him was endearing. He had always known Jumin to stick to what he believed in, and to know that he had touched Jumin so much to have a crack in such a wall was almost unbelievable. Never did he think he could have any sort of effect on anyone.

          A gentle and reassuring smile rises onto his lips as Jumin finishes speaking. Both of his hands place themselves onto either side of Jumin’s face as he looks into his eyes. “You have not upset me. You’re being honest with yourself, and I will never take away your choices. I will not invalidate what you value.”

          The words that leave him are serious yet soft. Never did he want to make Jumin do something he did not wish to do just as he knew it would be in the reverse. So after another moment he places a delicate kiss against Jumin’s lips once again before wrapping his arms around him to pull him back into a hug.

          “I’m not sure if you’d like to hear my opinion or not…” There’s a pause as he takes in a breath and closes his eyes. “But while marriage is valued I believe it is up to those involved to make such a decision for themselves. Some bonds don’t need someone to recognize their union before doing what they desire as a couple. For the same could be said about sharing a bed with your loved one before marriage.”

          Now he pulls back a bit as he rests a hand back onto Jumin’s cheek. “But I can say with certainty that I’ve made such a commitment in my heart for you as well. That I want to make you happy and I want to make you feel loved. I want to be there in whatever form that is for you. But I won’t push your boundaries unless you give permission first. So tell me what you need from me and I’ll do it. I’ll support your decision no matter what you decide.”

[ceojuminhan]

Jihyun’s touch and even his gentle kiss were enough to make Jumin desire to cast all of his restraint aside and capture the other man’s lips. His whole body was aching in a way unfamiliar to him. 

After Jihyun spoke, Jumin closed his eyes and embraced his friend, resting his head on Jihyun’s shoulder. He needed a moment to sort through his thoughts.

He was inclined to say something about how he could not trust his feelings if what Jihyun and Rika had felt was not love. But then he thought about how Jihyun leaving Rika had been similar to removing a gangrenous limb. Certainly, even if they had been married, a divorce would have been necessary. He could not fault his friend for leaving her, in fact, Jumin himself had been the one to facilitate it. Perhaps there were never any guarantees with such things. However, if Jumin were ever to trust anyone with his heart and his body, it would be Jihyun. He doubted that, if things did not work out between them, that he would ever find another. He was actively against finding a partner until these feelings had arisen. However, Jihyun had not broken down Jumin’s walls, he was already inside them. Perhaps he always had been.

Somehow, Jumin had always imagined marriage and sex as the final step in a long process of getting to know a partner and developing trust. But what he felt for Jihyun, what they had experienced together, felt closer than he had ever imagined being to a future bride. There was certainly no lack of trust between them and, in that moment, waiting felt like an insult to the intimacy they already shared. Certainly he’d already proven to himself that he was not like his father and his women. Besides, who was he saving himself for if not for Jihyun?

Jumin finally pulled back and it was his turn to gently cup his lover’s face while looking into his eyes with a determined and passionate stare.

“I desire to be as close to you as you will permit,” Jumin spoke, in a husky breathless voice, “I could never regret being with you.”

Saying this, Jumin kissed the other man quite passionately. He softly brushed Jihyun’s lips with his tongue while he did what he had been aching to do for some time and moved his other leg onto the sofa beside Jihyun. He was now straddling the other man and capturing him even more fully between Jumin’s body and the back of the couch. He wanted to cover Jihyun with his own body, to hide and protect him from the world and to keep the other only for himself.

Jumin’s hands explored Jihyun’s neck and shoulders. His fingers slipped under the collar of his lover’s shirt, desiring to touch more of his skin and less of his clothing.

[frailcompass]

ceojuminhan‌:

Jumin continued to hold his friend, stroking his hair while he fought back tears. He could tell that V was still trying to hold them back. V had always had a bit of a stubborn streak in him so perhaps it was a good sign that he was fighting so hard now. It suggested to Jumin that his friend’s spirit was not completely broken. There were clearly some parts of his old friend that were still there. If he had this strength left in him, perhaps, with time, he could use it to help himself to recover.

He watched helplessly as V pulled away and tried to get up. A small bit of Jumin hated that V was no longer in his arms. He was feeling protective and, even if he would not admit it, holding the other man made him feel like he was at least doing some good. He quickly pushed the feelings aside, telling himself they weren’t there at all.

“Of course,” Jumin answered before he set about moving the chair so that it was next to the window rather than facing the bed. He then grabbed the box of tissues with one hand before moving over to where his friend was.

Jumin was not sure if his friend was looking for guidance or if he needed help to stand and walk. While it might have been better to ask, he worried that his friend might over estimate his abilities and end up on the floor. Jumin wasn’t going to take that chance. He put an arm around V’s body, holding him around the waist and helped to pull him up. If he had truly been thinking, he would have found a more dignified way to go about this, but his practical mind rarely considered the feelings of others. It was not that he was cruel, just that these sorts of things rarely crossed his mind. Also, the protective streak he tried to deny was still there and he wanted to do as much for his friend as possible.

“It is about three steps to the chair and it will be on your right,” Jumin explained as he stood beside V, arm still firmly around his body. “I will let you know when we are near it.”

Once V was seated, Jumin gently paced the tissue box in his hand.

“If you would like, I could leave you alone for a while to collect your thoughts,” he offered a bit awkwardly.

          Getting Jumin to help him made him feel helpless and guilty. The idea of making Jumin do even more for him didn’t sit well and the thought of having to rely on others to do something so basic didn’t make the situation any better. It should’ve been so easy to just push himself off of the bed to get closer to the window, but as soon as Jumin had helped him stand part of him felt that he made the better decision in the end.

          As soon as he was up his body felt heavier than he had anticipated. He even felt a little bit dizzy, but he did his best to brush it off so he could get to the chair. It’s only when Jumin notifies him of the chair being close does he begin to reach out with his hand again to further seek it out. Once his fingers brush along one of the arms, he slowly helps Jumin lower himself into the chair and once he’s properly sitting he lets out an exhausted sigh.

          He takes a moment to consider Jumin’s words as he keeps his gaze down towards the tissue box. Taking in another shaky breath, he ends up giving a shake of his head as he finally looks up towards the window. It doesn’t provide the warmth that he craves, but for now it suffices. Through the blurry haze that is his vision it’s nice for things to be brighter. It’s a welcomed contrast to the dark grays and blacks that he had to stare at every day in Magenta. He closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath to gather himself. It doesn’t stop the threatening tears, but it helps a little.

          “I’ve spent so long being alone to my thoughts. I don’t think I’d fare well on my own just yet.” He admits with another shake of his head. All of the countless thoughts he was left alone with at Mint Eye left an awful taste in his mouth and a weight in his heart. They were dark thoughts that he’s not sure he should share just yet, if ever.

          Opening his eyes again, he blinks away more tears and grabs one of the tissues to scrub away at the moisture that still remained on his cheeks. When he finishes he clutches at the wet tissue and continues to stare at the window. “Is it selfish of me to say that I’m also afraid if you leave that everything would disappear? That this is all a dream and that I’d wake up back there. That I’d have to face that dark cell again and…” He pauses and gives a third shake of his head. “I’m a coward to admit it…but I’ve never been so scared.”

[ceojuminhan]

Truthfully, Jumin was surprised that V didn’t want him to leave but he was thankful that the other man admitted it.

When V confessed that he did not want to be alone, Jumin reached out and began to run his fingers through V’s mint strands once more. It must be from petting Elizabeth 3rd that made this feel natural to him, but he feared with V’s vision problems, he might need the contact to remind him that Jumin was there.

“You were drugged, nearly blinded, beaten, faced death, and I suspect other tortures that I am unaware of. Such things would terrify even the bravest person. It is nothing to be ashamed of. If I am honest, I’m surprised that you emerged with your sanity in tact. That does not make you a coward and neither does fearing that you would somehow wake up to find yourself back in a cell. I cannot say with certainty that I would have survived half as well as you under those conditions. Given the circumstances, survival itself is a miracle.”

Jumin noticed V holding his dirty tissues and quickly located the rubbish bin. He moved it next to V’s chair even though he had to stretch to reach it. The most logical thing would have been to walk towards it but somehow he was unable to move himself away from the other man, even for a moment.

“I have placed the rubbish bin beside your chair on the left,” Jumin spoke hardly changing tone at all, even though he switched topics drastically. As far as he was concerned, he was just stating facts.

“And you are not alone,” he added more softly, as he resumed petting his friend’s hair. “I am right here. I will stay for as long as you need me to.”

It helped him that V was clear about what he needed. If he just needed to not be alone and assured that he was safe, Jumin felt that he could do as much. He still felt as though he was doing this wrong. V must know that he is not alone with Jumin petting his hair. Why has he bothered to say it? He felt a sliver of guilt that V was stuck with him. Jumin had almost no experience comforting people and knew that he was awkward at best with such things. However, the one thing Jumin had in his favor was control over himself and the resources to protect his friend. He knew that V was safe with him. Even if Jumin could not trust anyone else, he trusted himself not to hurt his friend and he trusted that he had more than enough security forces and body guards to keep any dangers away. Safe and not alone. If that was all V needed, Jumin could easily provide for him.