Look, I hardly have the heart in me to write this out the once
let alone go out and apologise to every single person who’s
been trying to contact me or that I’ve scared, so I’m going to
write this, I’m going to schedule it for a few more times and
then I’m done.
Simply existing is a monumental task right now. I try not to
advertise it, but I’m sure that, at least those I talk to regularly
know that I’ve not had a great turn of things the past few
months. On wednesday they plummeted straight through rock
bottom to the underworld of bad. I’ve been bored and a little
lonely having a broken ankle, so a few friends thought it would
be lovely to take me out to a meal, chip in to pay for it, help me
out blah blah, they’re sweet people. Or were. The place we
were heading to was in the next town over so it was a twenty
minute drive after everyone was picked up.
We were on the road out of town, it was getting late and dark
but things were nice and quiet because it was the middle of the
week and some fucking idiot didn’t have his lights on and he was
driving on the wrong fucking side of the road, straight towards us
and we would have been fine if we hadn’t met him at the one and
only bend on that road. Head on collision, car span, rolled, metal
crumpled and there was glass breaking and all I knew was that
only one person was making sounds, the one in the passenger
seat in front of me and that moment is probably the most clear
because she was coughing up a lot of blood and she was so
terrified and I had to watch her drown in it, trapped by the weight
of someone else’s body.
The fucking idiot who hit us got off easy, couple of cuts and
bruises but otherwise unharmed and since I’m the only one
who’s survived from out car I have to go to court and hearings
and answer questions about the night and look this guy in the
face and know he’s killed four of my friends who were just
trying to be nice to me and do a good thing. I have to deal with
their families hating me, because I was the reason they were
going out, I was the only one who survived and no one will
fucking treat me like a human being or talk to me normally and
every time I so much as blink I’m remembering bits and pieces
of it all in flashes.
So I’m god damn sorry for scaring people, for being selfish and
taking care of myself for once. Maybe I did handle this the wrong
way but I just can’t cope with anything any more, I just can’t. I
can’t. I can’t. I don’t know how to function any more.
izzy806
stormborns
blakekathryn
discoholicmusic
ellievsbear