Today was my 31st birthday, and my boyfriend made it incredibly special.
I avoid working on my birthday whenever possible, thanks to an incident that happened on my golden birthday wherein I was written up at work for something inconsequential (I incorrectly processed a check). This year, however, I had no choice, as we are teching our next show and I had to be present.
I came into work to find a bouquet of my favorite flowers and a card on my desk. Both were from my boyfriend. A month or two prior, he'd told me that he planned to get me flowers and chocolate. So while the flowers and card weren't necessarily a surprise, there was a part of me that was prepared to receive nothing, since tech is always a busy time. To see that he had made the time to pick up a thoughtful gift flooded my chest with warmth.
Apparently, that's not all he had planned.
We get to our first 10-minute break of the day. Before the stage manager released us, she announced that there's a birthday in the house and cued the conductor. The entire cast and crew, plus the creative teams, sang "Happy Birthday" to me, accompanied by the conductor on keyboard. I was shocked. Other birthdays have had this treatment, and while I quietly hoped for similar recognition, I figured I would be overlooked.
As I sat there, being sung to, I heard someone softly say my name. I turned to my right and found my boyfriend, kneeling with a small chocolate cake in his hands, a single lit candle in the center. I blew out the candle, probably a bit too early. Amidst all the distractions and the eyes on me, I had suddenly forgotten the proper candle-extinguishing timing.
When the moment finished, and the group turned their attention away, I asked my boyfriend, gesturing to the cake, "Did you have something to do with this?"
"Yes," he said.
He began to tell me how he planned this. He came up with the cake idea two and a half weeks ago when we went grocery shopping and I mentioned wanting to make a chocolate cake. The flower idea, as previously mentioned, came to him months earlier. The card was something he found day-of, which made sense, given the fact that it referenced something I'd told him only 12-hours prior.
He picked up everything before work today. His call time was a half hour before mine, and he was taking the chance that I wasn't coming in early. The singing part was co-orchestrated with the stage manager. He confirmed that she knew it was my birthday. She said she already planned on cuing the conductor, so the two of them coordinated the timing of the cake.
He told me how he lay in bed last night, thinking about how to execute this plan; how he worried about the store not having the right flowers; how he had a backup plan for that, just in case. He mentioned, ruefully, that he had wanted to get the flowers from a florist, rather than a grocery store, but that didn't work out for various reasons. He had clearly put a lot of thought into this plan, and that made me feel so special and valued and loved.
In addition to all of the aforementioned, he took me out to dinner (Culver's, because I wanted custard) during our meal break, and I got all sorts of cuddles and kisses over the course of the day.
Before he went home, I told him--for the twentieth time--how great he did, how special my day was because of him, and how much I love him. He reiterated how glad he was that I had a great day, but he also mentioned that he likely won't be able to top this, so my expectations should remain low. He knows my expectations are naturally high, and that's one thing about dating me that scares him (the other thing that scares him, he said, is losing me). I know he's afraid of disappointing me. He's quite hard on himself. Always has been and likely always will be. Personally, I don't think he's done surprising me. I think I will always be surprised and touched by his thoughtful gestures, big or small.
While he wouldn't accept the title of "the best boyfriend," he was willing to accept "my best boyfriend." He's both, whether he believes it or not. He's kind. He's thoughtful. He's a goofball. He's many wonderful things, and, best of all, he's mine. I'm so lucky.
people who only use conventional social media are so funny bc they’ll casually be like “can I see your tumblr??” are you Insane. this is no instagram or twitter. this is my vault of secrets
I feel like the appeal of saints is there's a little guy who went through exactly your problems you can ask for help and sometimes they're on a necklace for more immediate access. I am not catholic and have no particular connection to those sainted little guys though, but I do sometimes wish to tell my troubles to a silent yet supportive figure that perhaps can help but mainly offers solace. This is why the "oh Ariana, we're really in it now" meme speaks to me in a secular, spiritual, and stupid way. I too desire a poster of a distant pop culture icon with which to haplessly commiserate.
"haha these alpha trad men really just have dom/sub kinks!" i know misogyny isn't real to a lot of you guys but did you know that some people just actually do genuinely think women are inferior creatures
i need to eat a food. none of the food in the house is The Right Food. what is the right food? only god knows. and we're not on speaking terms right now.
Ya know when people told me "when you're finally safe enough that you can leave survival mode and start to let go of and process your c-ptsd/trauma things are probably going to get really, really bad before they slowly start to get better" I thought that was reasonable. I did not understand that by "things are going to get bad" they meant "you're going to find yourself in the worst mental state of your entire life, but dw, that means it's working" and tbh I simply wish someone had been more clear.
The older you get the more you will realize that your friends are people who have made mistakes and bad decisions and even just fucked up and hurt people.
And obviously your boundaries with your friends are completely up to you but you do need to recognize that if you cut off everyone who has done something wrong, you’re going to end up with no friends (and you yourself will have also fucked up in your life, and not lived up to those impossible standards either).
I’ve found it’s much more constructive to learn how to say “hey dude, that was massively fucked up of you,” because most people are really willing to say “yeah, it was, I need to work on it/not do it again/apologize and make things right” ESPECIALLY if they are hearing it from you as their friend.
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for another person is to tell them that they’ve done something wrong, help them fix it, and stay their friend because it’s what we would want from them if we did something wrong.
Im gonna shill for Marie Kondo again but this is why I find her books (yes, books, the TV show is fun but ultimately misses a lot of the core ideas) so good.
A lot of home org advice fully misses this aspect. Kondo not only acknowledges it, but leans into it. And ultimately this helps motivste me to keep my space tidy - it's really hard to me to keep on the nebulous goal of self-care, but much easier to get up and put things away if I envision my salt and pepper grinders as like, retail workers who are now standing in an empty shop (my dining table) and just wanna go home (the spice rack where they live).
Normie tidying process: that heater should be put away for summer! I mean, I'm not gonna need it
Me: well it's just chilling and also I can't be arsed.
Kondo: that heater has done a good job keeping you warm over winter and now it should get to go have a rest in the cupboard
Me: !! Sabbatical for my heater!! Thank you for your service sir and have a very nice break!
I don’t get those ‘I don’t do small talk’ mfs. sorry I don’t wanna discuss my deepest darkest secrets or listen to your trauma dump after 0.5 seconds of knowing you. it’s like people wanna speed run the journey from stranger to emotional intimacy and understanding but human connection doesn’t work like that it takes time, and if anything these sort of interactions just create a false sense of closeness with someone who doesn’t actually know or care about you
kianamaiart
yousharknotpass
gummygunk
blakekathryn
pixelskylines
theartofmadeline
