33
I turned 33 a couple of days ago. Age seems to bring clarity (sometimes). This year it did so in the form of me deciding I’m not going to let my anxiety control me as much anymore, creatively. There are genuinely many reasons I haven’t released much new music or anything the past few years, but one of the biggest is simply that I’ve let my head win. “What if I’m no good at this anymore? What if people hate it? Who even cares anymore? This sucks. This song fucking sucks. This is all bullshit, people are going to hate this.” It’s a cycle. So, those thoughts?... Yes, they’re still 100% there. Do I believe them? Most of the time, no - I know it’s quite literally all in my head. But when the time comes to push forward and create or release something, they’ve just won for a while now. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been writing this whole time. My phone is full of demos; has been for a long time. CS songs, Backseat Goodbye songs, spoken word, note apps full of poetry and lyrics. Anyway, the point is, I’m going to push past this bullshit anxiety and just create again. If people like it, awesome. If they don’t, that’s fine too. I’m just at a point where I’m going to try to create for myself, like I did back when this all started. And I’m starting this, well, now. Going to start posting lyrics, videos, art, whatever, leading up to the release of 3 new EPs I have planned for the next few months.
Side note, this really isn’t a post digging for reassurance. My head has always been this way, but like I said, I’ve just let it win the past few years. I’m good - and, I’m excited to get back to where I have been creatively. Talk soon <3