The problems with chastity
(Taken from Chrissy B’s blog, but worth repeating!!!)
If you are into male chastity, it isn’t hard to find lists upon lists of the benefits of male chastity. As someone who loves the game of chastity there are some very serious side effects of chastity that some men experience that they don’t tell you about on those lists. Instead of a fun and kinky game, it can get dark and bitter FAST. This happens when chastity is done wrong. What I say won’t apply to every situation or person. But if you are new to key holding, this might help you.
But first some highlights of the proven benefits of male chastity:
1. His desire for you will skyrocket
2. His libido doesn’t crash
3. Male masturbation is evil and this stops it
4. He’ll stay faithful to you
5. He’ll be more helpful around the house
This is the top 5 but you can easily find more. But we are here to mainly discuss the basis of every problem with chastity right now.
IGNORING HIM RUINS EVERYTHING
Yep. If you want chastity to work it means a lot more sex. A LOT more! But it isn’t the traditional type of sex. It is talking and tasks and receptive sex on his part. If as the key holder chastity is some kind of sexual oubliette where you throw your partner and forget about them then you are begging for problems and pain. The benefits of chastity only happen when you replace what you have taken away from him, with something more enticing than orgasms. And remember, that for most guys, they are biologically wired to do almost anything to cum! Mother Nature dedicates whole parts of the brain to sex and desire (for most all people) so you are working with some strong bio-magic. Be aware of what you are getting into. It has the power to raise sexual skyscrapers you didn’t know were possible but it can also ruin and destroy people and relationships. You know the phrase…. “With great power there must also come – great responsibility”.
So on to how we make those benefits a reality.
If you lock up his dick and then expect him to just start doing more house work you are a fool. Taking away a joy in life isn’t going to make someone more helpful. And it is just an abuse of the kinky relationship. Kink is about fun, house work is about necessity;
If you are in a male chastity relationship, make it part of the fun. Be explicit about what you expect and why. And tell him often…. more than that…. even more than that… Yes, daily, hourly. Whisper it in his ear, text him, email him, phone him at work….You get the idea. And then give him reasons to do more chores that relate to chastity. Trade time out or release for the floor waxed. Or he doesn’t remember the dishes and it is a ruined orgasm for you. You get the idea. Whatever your style looks like, use it. But for the sake of all that is kinky, play with it! Don’t ignore it. Don’t make them wait in silence for a someday. Follow through on what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it. And if that is more than 24 hours away, you are doing it wrong. An inconsistent or forgetful key holder is a bad key holder. And bad key holders make very bad chastity boys.
Use your words. Make a role-playing game out of it. Talk to him, often (see above) about how you love the power over his orgasms he’s given up, Talk to him about his poor denied cock or how you look forward to your next pegging session! You know your man and what buttons to push to make him excited. Use it. And use it often. If he isn’t getting to play with his dick then you need to play with his head. And far more often than he ever played with his dick. Whatever you do, help him remember why he made a vow to you and why you are worth the chastity.
Welcome to the reoccurring theme of a fun, positive and kinky replacement. You are locking him up and taking away the right of orgasm. And like anytime someone locks up a natural animal you become responsible for their care and maintenance. You get to control when, AND HOW, he releases. It could be never. In that case, you have to find a suitable replacement that is applied at least as often as what you are taking away (i.e. masturbation… which can be multiple times a day for some guys). This replacement could be submissive acts, kinky words, edging, pegging, etc. And then the occasional ruined orgasm or miliking or prostate release. Whatever you do, make it fun (even in an evil way) and make it very frequent. And if it doesn’t result in frequent releases (kinky talk, submissive tasks, etc.) then it has to be as frequent as his normal masturbation schedule (if not more so).
DO NOT IGNORE HIM. Don’t forget him. Absence DOES NOT MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER. Constant teasing and torture and playing and edging and whatever other fun kinky things you do will. If it is done often it WILL make his libido skyrocket and bring out the fun, kinky side of him. He may get super submissive. He may beg. Plead. Claim he’s dying. :-) But he won’t be mad, depressed, and violent or feel forgotten. He will feel loved, owned and played with.
In the end, chastity is an awesome game so long as the key holder doesn’t take a fire and forget approach, or the ‘absence will make the heart grow fonder so if I forget to play with him one day, two days, a week, two weeks, he’ll really be ready to play when I do finally grace him with the merest crumb of play time’ approach. If you do that, it will backfire spectacularly. Chastity can do all those wonderful things the blogs say it can. It can make your man feel, and be, much more submissive. He can find a renewed spark in you. He can feel loved, cared for and not shamed for wanting to play with the person he loved. So long as you don’t ignore your role and don’t forget to play more often than the activity you are replacing (his desire to orgasm) then it will work beautifully and you will have a husband others only dream of!
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