May I ask how I should go about seeking a Domme in your opinion? Do you think they are out there or are there women who have never thought about FLR but just need to have it raised as possibility.?
I have dropped some hints with a woman I fancy - drinks and chat so far but I don't want to spoil it and yet if she is potentially a dome, what a waste! She has a strong personality and a very thrilling look
Advice would be much appreciated.
At first, I think it's best to establish yourself as a considerate gentleman. Someone who opens doors, speaks kindly to wait staff, interacts well with children and animals. Someone who earns their own money, has their own place and a car or access to public transportation. You don't have to be "alpha male"—you can be "beta," but you should be well groomed and unabashedly sexual. Let her know your interest and refuse the friend zone. Sexual romance is your goal. If that intention is met with success and you end up as lovers, then after about a month, casually bring it up that you are kinky. By now you'll have proven yourself and she'll be intrigued. If she isn't curious, don't settle. Stand your ground, respect your longstanding longterm goal of a kink relationship for life. Tell her you'd grow bored with vanilla sex over time and that you're looking for a partner who has kinky inclinations. Explore the concept of "polarity." MaleDom or FemDomme at one end of the scale, and fem sub or male sub/sissy at the other. Bring it up as if it were academic topic, like you're speaking about psychology.
If she's interested, mention the book "Polarity" by Virginia Ford. Buy her the Audible audiobook or Kindle version (also available in paperback but most women don't like reading a kinky book in public whereas audiobooks listened on an iPhone are private). Mention there's a follow-on book, "Polarity II," in which the characters switch roles. Both books are well written, highly entertaining and accurately describe the "dark continent of kink," revealing the good, bad and ugly. It's kinky sex, erotic romance, partly a cautionary tale and instructive fiction all in one great literary package (unlike "Shades of Grey," although ask if she ever read that series and found it arousing.)
Now you are having a conversation. Tell her that you like both spectrums of the kink polarity . . . but truth be told, you'd choose male submission because you believe in matriarchy and that female led relationships are most viable for a LTR . . . you're looking for that, preferably with her! There are plenty of FLR blogs here at Tumblr for her to explore if she's curious.
Let her educate herself and see if the prospect of an FLR appeals. If it does, suggest that you, as a couple, try out some scripted scenes, then perhaps a 24 hour scenario, and if that goes well, propose a week scenario (by now you've introduced the importance of caging and female pleasure being at the center of an FLR).
Never push. This might take 12-18 months. The investment of time and patience is well worth it, especially if your goal is a 24/7 FLR.
If the above doesn't pan out, don't let failure be the end of your kink journey. Most success is built on a pyramid of failure. And always be willing to walk away—don't be desperate or needy. You should be a desirable man she is proud to introduce to her family. Your secret beta male personna is for her alone, for you as a couple, your secret. It's a measure of your devotion to her, not a measure of your incapacity as a person. Women want VALUE in their partner (else why bother?). Who really wants a partner they don't respect? Even when you become their slave, perhaps especially when you are their slave. Your service/submission should have great value to her, just as her leadership/dominance has great value to you. All of the kinks, even the most verboten, can be discussed over time. You can express your interest, but she always decides what works for her. Each FLR is unique. Good luck!
