chanda - we’re moots, but not close and also i don’t know who to talk to about this. i think i’m entering a relationship. with someone who really seems to care for me. this has never happened to me before (the relationship, and also the being involved with someone who’s so OPEN about wanting me to feel good and cared for). we haven’t been able to see each other in person in ages (have seen each other very briefly over the years since a falling out we had and now that we’ve talked and grown much closer in this past year it’s ALLL been long distance. this has. been going for a while.) and i’m scared to recoil on instinct when i see them soon. i want them sooo badly but im afraid of being afraid. so many people i know too even partnered have such a cynical worldview and to me I’m like i have my discernment already but i want to leave room for hope, and have realized i had the right spirit in the past wrt certain skepticisms but skewed my situations negatively BECAUSE of who i confided in (though all that has been from a place of love). and you’re married? and so i thought you might be sympathetic and/or have some sage wisdom? love you and desiring your happiness and health, as always, my darling.
I wish there was a succinct or clear answer to this, and at the root of it is your own perception of being afraid, afraid of being in a relationship thats wrong, or afraid on missing out on somthing thats right.
I think the bottom line is that vulnerability is the prerequisite of authentic love, your submitting your self to be truely vulnerable (to yourself at the very least) and vulnerability is both very freeing and scary and possibly humiliating. Its like having an exposed nerve that your showing someone, so there are those who are reasonably hesitant.
I think you have enough self awareness to know you're afraid of all the possibilities, and i think that's enough for now! Unfortunately we dont choose whether we get hurt or not in a relationship, pain is an almost certain outcome at some point, but suffering and ruminating on when or how youll get hurt is an option that you dont need to indulge in, it often leads to self sabotage. Cynical or sceptical people are inherently wrong or bitter, the same way romantics aren't inherently naive. Its about choosing a better reaction to the same circumstance.
Also moots or not im always happy to talk! Wishing you all the best 💘🫂