we live in a rainbow of chaos

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this blog is now an archive, please follow me on my new blog!!

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thinking about since i’ve finally got all (re: most, i had all but some replies came back to me) of my drafts done, archiving/moving to clean things up. if you’ve followed me a while, you know i’ve done this a few times in the past, but this is the longest i’ve actually had a blog, and some of the old tags i’d made before i really figured out my tagging style are lingering in the little autocomplete window and bugging me. i have a 3 day weekend, so i’ll likely spend some time relocating over the weekend.

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Confusion knitted her brow and she tried to read the look in his eyes. But there wasn’t one, that was the problem. She might as well have said any random name, a name that had no meaning to him. But it was his son. A son she’d named after the only family member that had ever really accepted him. A son who— her gaze tore away from his as a nurse rushed past, reminding her where she was. “He—” He knew, right? Maybe he just didn’t know his name. Maybe Carol had left that out of the letters, maybe… “The pediatrics ward.” Her voice was quiet, everything inside of her freezing at the admission. 

He was casual about it. Too casual. Part of her wanted to snap at him, shove at his chest and remind him that it was HIS SON, even if she’d never asked anything of him before. Even if he’d never set eyes on the kid in real life — he was still his. Every day he grew more and more like Tyler. His expressions, his humor, his eyes, it was all Tyler. “Look if you want nothing to do with him,” Her voice was on edge, itching to make her way to the hospital room Bonnie had mentioned they were in. “I get it, okay? I don’t expect anything, I never did, but I have to go.” 

Tyler’s heart sank a little as Caroline mentioned the pediatric ward, something inside of him registering. The shock was evident on his face as he looked at her, bewildered that his kid, THEIR kid was in the same hospital that they were right now, and he didn’t even know it, much less know anything about the child. “Caroline..” he started, hearing the emotion evident in her voice and feeling a sense of disappointment fill him. How could this be happening without him knowing? How could she not have told him that he had a son out there?

“I never.. I mean, I didn’t —” he cut himself off, shaking his head as he tried to clear all of the thoughts racing through it. He didn’t know. How could he have known? Every detail about the child was kept from him, including the fact of whether there still was a child, and he hadn’t heard from Caroline since she’d walked away from him those years ago. “Let’s go,” he spoke, motioning for her to follow him back into the pediatric ward that he’d just slipped away from. They could argue details later.

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“He doesn’t.” That, she could promise. She’d met the younger Gilbert sibling once, maybe twice. And one of those times had involved rolling her eyes while he and Klaus talked art. But she knew that he loved his sister, that much was obvious. And there was no way that he could blame her for it. “Everyone copes differently.” She murmured, settling further next to Elena and offering her a tight lipped smile. “I didn’t talk to Diana for a month and a half after my dad died. Or Stefan.” She wondered if there was really anything she could say that might make it better. But as far as she could think, there was nothing. No amount of sympathy that could ease the pain. “You know, Stefan lost his parents too.” She offered, “But his were kind’ve dicks so… And Bell did too. Same with me. And I think we all wish Klaus’ parents were dead. We can make a club,” She offered, smiling. “And then every year we can all just eat tons of calories and cry together.”

“I hope you’re right,” she spoke softly. “Other than you guys, he’s all that I have left.” Letting out a little sigh, part of her, deep down, knew that it was the truth, that Jeremy didn’t hate her or truly blame her, but it was hard to keep in mind in the past when he’d lashed out and said those words. “Really?” she asked, tilting her head to the side, finding it hard to believe that Caroline could go more than a day or two without talking to Diana, or even Stefan. “I didn’t know that,” she said. Listening as Caroline listed how all of them had lost parents, Elena nodded, remembering hearing about Stefan’s parents. Letting out a little laugh despite herself at the mention of a club, she shook her head, wiping at her eyes, “We could watch all of the Disney movies where a parent dies,” she added with a watery chuckle.

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“Oh my god, Matt.” Cold panic struck through her as they dug, her hand eventually hitting against something solid. It took every last bit of strength she had to haul open the top of the box, breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of Matt inside. He was unconscious, but breathing. Caroline shifted her weight, motioning for Tyler to help her get him out, resting him on the grass next to them. Once it was settled, breathing a bit easier in the fresh air, she fell beside him, lying on her back on the ground. After a moment, she laughed. The sound feeling all too foreign slipping from her lips. “Do you realize,” She voiced, gaze searching until she found Tyler’s, “How weird our lives are?” 

Once they hit the hard, solid material of the safe, he helped her to open it, exhaling heavily as he saw Matt inside. He was unresponsive, but he could still hear his heartbeat, and that gave him at least a bit of peace. He helped the blonde to pull their friend out, laying him on the ground out of the way of the safe. Tyler’s hand rested against Matt’s chest then, ensuring just one more time that his friend truly was alive and breathing. He looked over at Caroline as she fell back onto her back on the ground, brow arching as he heard her laugh, and despite himself, he did the same. “You mean the fact that we just saved our friend from being buried alive, or the fact that the same friend is one of the only normal, human people that we know these days?”

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❝ alright you’ve made your POINT. ❞ she wasn’t aiming for either of them winding up dead. the truth was that one day she probably would be. so long as she had what they wanted. so long as there were those who wanted to possess the power of what she had - there was always going to be a threat. a note ❝ you’re scolding me now? what the fuck am i your child now? ❞

“have i? because i want to be completely sure that you understand, faye,” he snapped. he’d had her link them because he wanted to protect her, but the last thing he wanted was for her to go out seeking trouble. that was more of his thing. “i have a response that, but you’re not going to want to hear it..” he spoke, brow arching.

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he placed a kiss against her forehead as he held her close.  ❝ because they have my sister and i’m not going to let them take or hurt anyone else i care about. ❞

her eyes closed as he kissed her forehead and she let out a little sigh. “fletcher, i love you. as long as we’re together, your fight is my fight, you know that, right?”

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She hated this hospital. Her mom had died here, strapped to a bed of machines that stopped beeping almost all at once. Her son had spent the first few weeks of his life here, too small, trying too hard to breathe. And now she was back. Bonnie had said it was nothing serious, but she’d taken him there anyway. Just for a doctor’s opinion. With any luck, they’d get Stefan or Elena or someone to calm him down before she got there. But a slow cab and traffic and an inability to run in high heels later — she was still late. And now Tyler was here.

Her shoes dangled from her fingertips and she looked up at him, still trying to process. “No I’m not.” She assured him, pushing her fingers through her hair glancing at the hallway behind him. “But um,” God she felt like she might be sick. The last time she’d seen him, she was walking away, pregnant with his child, making the sacrifice she knew had to be made so that he could make something of his life. So that he wouldn’t wake up in a few years and resent her for forcing him out of the role he was born to fill. “Mason,” Even saying his name in front of Tyler feels dirty. Like she robbed him of something. And she did, but she sent…updates. Well, her mom had, to his mom, and then probably to him. She’d never been able to work up enough courage to do it herself. “he had some sort of asthma attack today with Bonnie and—” her voice was rushed, panicked, and again she glanced over his shoulder and shifting her weight. 

He could tell without much trouble that she was uneasy, and truth be told, he couldn’t blame her. He was feeling a bit nervous and on-edge himself. However, something told him that her situation had more to it than she’d spoken of yet. Tyler’s eyes moved over her, surveying her as if he was looking for any damage that would have led her here. His eyes landed on the shoes in her hand, before trailing back up to her face. She’d been rushing. Apparently, she still didn’t possess the ability to run in heels. 

“Mason?” his brow furrowed at the name, head tilting to the side. She had been pregnant before when they’d parted ways, though he’d had no knowledge of what had happened since then. Without any word from her, he wasn’t sure if she’d kept the kid, given it up, or if god forbid, something had happened to them before it was even born. He started to question her further, but stopped when she mentioned that Mason had an asthma attack, seeing the panic in her features and hearing it in her voice. “Hey, yeah, don’t let me keep you. Do you know where he is?” he asked, a bit curious to see just who she was rushing for.

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@chaosdwelling

‘‘I didn’t mean to lie to you, Bonnie, I care about you.’‘

“If you cared about me, you wouldn’t have lied. This isn’t something that someone who cares for another person lies about.”

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‘‘I TRUSTED you.. I trusted you and you lied to me.’‘ there was shock mostly, because after all they’d been through - no matter that it wasn’t years of knowing each other - she’d truly trusted the other, starting to love her. ‘‘I’m such a fool.’‘ eyes darken as she looks up at Bonnie, teeth clenching together. “Who would have thought I was so wrong about you.”

“You don’t understand,” she replied almost immediately. She cared for Nora, and just like the others that she cared for, her friends, she would have done whatever it took to protect her. “I did this to protect you.. to protect us. I would never intentionally hurt you, you have to know that.”

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‘‘You make me very happy, Bonnie Bennett.’‘

“I’d be open to hearing that as many times as you’d like to say it.”

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She couldn’t help but laugh at the way he responded to her suggestion. Yeah, she didn’t think that one would go over too well but she thought it was worth a try. “Well,” Leticia began, smothering a smirk as she leaned forward and essentially folded herself in half as she wrapped her arms around her calves. She slowly straightened herself, hands out by her sides as she shrugged. “There are bonuses.”

She carefully rolled up onto her toes. “But you’re probably right. I’m sure between football and school, you’re busy enough.” She was certainly busy with dance and school. And now throw in these lessons…she was going to be up late tonight finishing homework. “Just keep it in mind in case you want to do something else.”

His brow arched as he heard her laugh, surprised by that fact. She seemed a bit more serious about it all than she must be, and admittedly, it was a bit of a relief to see her having a sense of humor about all of it. His eyes watched as she leaned forward, stretching to fold herself more or less in half, brows raising once more. “You don’t say,” he murmured, eyes roaming over her body as she straightened herself back upright. 

“Pretty busy, yeah,” he admitted with a little shrug. “What do you do after school, other than your regular dance classes?” he asked her, tilting his head curiously. After all, if they were going to be spending so much time together, perhaps they should get to know each other better, or so he thought.

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  ❝ you have no faith in me. now that      hurts, I’m shocked at you Bonnie. ❞

“i think you’ll live. after all, you’ve made it this far, haven’t you?”

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She just hummed, agreeing to disagree. “To each his own, I guess. I’ll get my adrenaline rushes other places, somewhere that doesn’t involve being the center of attention…like bungee jumping, or something.” She wasn’t really an adrenaline junkie anyway, in fact the idea of jumping off something that high was pretty terrifying, but she felt the need to sound cool in an attempt to impress him maybe. She rolled her eyes with a quiet laugh. “Oh please, I see your show practically every day. I’m completely desensitized to your charms at this point.” She shook her head, leaning back from the table as their waitress brought over the food. “Good, I am cute. At least I know your eyes are working properly.” Her eyes crinkled up with a smile as she took a bite.

Tyler let out a little laugh at that, nodding softly. Everyone had to get their thrills in a different way. They couldn’t all be the same, but he wasn’t sure he could see himself, or her for that matter, bungee jumping. Maybe only in extremely boring circumstances to get his heart rate up. “Oh, is that right? So, what you’re saying is you actively watch my show every time. It’s okay, you can admit it, I don’t mind,” he teased her, starting in on his food before chuckling at her next comment. It was nice, to be around someone who he could joke with and who made him laugh like she was. “I have 20/20 vision, don’t worry,” he joked.

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she almost wants to laugh at the irony of hearing him say that. weird always means bad. if living for as long as she has taught her anything, it’s that what’s weird means unnatural and what’s unnatural is feared and then hated. ❝most of the time that’s the only kind of weird that exists.❞ or at least her experience anyway. she avoided people because she’s weird or she looks at the world strangely and that’s never been seen as a character strength. ❝worse than instant suspicion and hostility? I’m intrigued.❞

his shoulders shrugged and he gave her a little smile, “trust me, i’ve seen enough general weirdness to know that there’s several different kinds.” after all, living in a town full of supernaturals, a hand of which were his friends, was definitely weird. however, it was his life now, and he could only make the best of it. “oh, i don’t know, i don’t want to give you any ideas.”

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She’d never been able to resist anything he said when he smiled at her like that. When he looked at her like she was the whole world, like she was HIS whole world. Caroline smiled back, letting her fingers trail through the short hairs at the nape of his neck before she pulled him down for a slow kiss. “Who knew Tyler Lockwood was such a romantic?” She teased lightly, her fingers moving to trail up and down the slope of his back.

She didn’t doubt what he said. They probably would have ended up together somehow. They would have fought and made up and gotten married and had kids. He would have coached football and she cheerleading. But this, their lives now, she couldn’t help but think it would be better than that. They could have a thousand lives. A thousand adventures. “I love you. No matter what happens.”

As he looked at her, he was never able to find himself truly unhappy, knowing that as long as he had her, he’d have a bit of good in his life, regardless of what else happened. His eyes closed briefly as her fingers moved through his hair, returning the gentle kiss as she pulled him down into it. “Who said that? I don’t know, not me,” he teased, letting out a soft chuckle, leaning in and kissing her cheek gently. 

His arm tightened around her slightly, pulling her closer to him as he let out a little sigh, resting his forehead against hers. A smile moved over his lips as he heard her words, and he nodded, “I love you too. More than you know, and I always will,” he spoke softly, lips moving back to hers.

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     Maia laughed softly, glancing down for a moment. “Yeah, I definitely did not see this coming either. It surprised me.” Her eyes flicked back up, meeting his. They were so close together she could feel his breath. “One of those rare surprises I actually like.”

      “Just make sure that you stick around,” he spoke softly. “I’d hate to get too used to this only to have you disappear.” In actuality, it was usually him that got scared and ran from his feelings, but he’d come to find that they were pretty alike, and part of him felt a fear of being without her.