R A Z-P E R R I

[chaosinpain]

I do question a lot of things.

My choices.

Me choosing you.

My love for you.

Even though you did told me.

I am a mess.

My choices are messy all over the place.

I Don’t Know, Anymore.

[thellady-9]

“كم كان من المُقلِق أن يتغيّر كل شيءٍ في لحظة، أن تتلاشى الطمأنينة التي كانت تغمُرك فجأة، حتى يحلّ مكانها كل هذا الهدوء والصمت الطويل.”

— مها.|9

[chaosinpain]

Billie Eilish said:

Was I stupid to love you?

Was I reckless to help?

And i felt that deep down my soul. And it hurts.

[november995-deactivated20260214]

ما الذي سيحصل بعد الآن؟

هل سيصبح الأمر معقدًا بيننا هكذا؟

لم أكن أبحث عن تعقيد

كنت أبحث عن طمأنينة تشبهك

عن بساطة حديث

وعن وضوح لا يرهق القلب

لكننا فجأة نقف في منتصف الطريق

ننظر لبعضنا بصمت

كأن السؤال أثقل من الإجابة

وكأن القرب صار يحتاج شجاعة

لا أعلم ما الذي تغيّر

ولا متى تسللت المسافة بين الكلمات

لكنني أعلم أنني ما زلت هنا

أتساءل ..

هل التعقيد قدرنا؟

أم أننا فقط خفنا أن نكون صادقين أكثر مما يجب

[chaosinpain]

Coming Back To Tumblr when Everything isn’t Working well anymore,

It feels like Tumblr is My own Personal Diary\Space that I will ever have.

And reading all the posts i posted 8, or 10 Years Ago made me feel like i haven’t done Enough To Change My life to the way i wanted,

My inner Child, My teenage self are screaming inside of me. But i wish i could tell them there are few good things happened and everything we wanted is coming slowly and Slowly. And we will live the life we wanted.

I can delete the posts i posted while i was a teenager Fighting her own sexuality her own Identity her own Self by herself.. But NO. That’s how i know i fought alone i fought with her and i will be still fighting.

It’s Sunday 2:14 a.m .. 12/01/2025.

I feel like i need to documents my life here. Lol.

[chaosinpain]

Every day goes by

I ask myself what life really is? Because i’m pretty confident that this isn’t it.. There are so much more, unclear distinctions, unclear paths, unclear patterns.

What if my life changed how would i react?

Will i enjoy it more?..

Will i finally be happy?..

[chaosinpain]

You Are An Old Book Shelf Full Of Lies.

I Am A Library Full Of Books Untouched.

[chaosinpain]

I Really Thought.

I really thought you were different,

But unfortunately you weren’t any different than the others,

Each day i notice and discover that you are just insecure about a lot of things, And you reflect that on people That don’t have to do anything with your insecurities.

I know there’s something good in you, But too late now. Too late that i don’t want anything to do with you.

I Know You Are Not harmful person.

I Know you are trying to become better version of yourself, But in a bad way.

Hopefully One Day You Find The Path That Leads You To Yourself, To Your Own Heart, To Your Happiness.

Hopefully One Day You Realize That Your Insecurities Can Be Fixed,

I Hope One Day YOU realize That You are a human after all..

I Hope you find peace within yourself.

Unfortunately you can’t Read This Because i already choose to Stay Away From You.

From your Chaos..

[chaosinpain]

Is it weird ?

Is it weird that i use journal App On my IPhone, to write down everything in my head or anything happened in details?

Including “crushes, Confrontations, Conversations with people, ETC”.

Is it weird? Or it’s just in my head that it’s weird.

I start writing them down because no one close to me wants to listen to me Talking about my crushes. Or what i think about that girl’s stare or when i make eye contact with someone i talk about it. Every time i do talk to someone They ignore me or pays me no attention.

So i start writing them down For me.

I listen to myself, i care about those stupid eye contacts. I care about Those stupid weird stares i get from my crush.

I stopped telling people about all of those stupid details they didn’t care about, or cared to listen to me.

[chaosinpain]

willingly...

I want you to come to me willingly

I have been dreaming of the moment you come to me,

it has been a weird couple of months between us, but I can't just come forward to you, I Want you to want me Willingly.

is it too much to ask for?

Sh </3

[weltenwellen]

Adonis, from “Persons”, Selected Poems

[chaosinpain]

eyes,heart,mind

Blue Eyes, White Heart, Mysterious Mind.

; Blue Eyes, Like the Ocean, Different shades of Blue when you dive in, Wind blow waves, you don’t know where it takes you, but you still going.

; White Heart, Like old book, clean pages with sharp edges, chaos within pages, feels like an old open book with clean white pages.

Mysterious Mind, Like going into a wild Forest didn’t know what to expect, high trees, foggy weather, millions of thoughts at once, with every footstep you take you feel a cold breeze, And when you go deep into the forest you see a different side of the mysterious forest, you see sunlights cutting through tree leaves, birds chirping, waterfalls, rainbows, once you see what's hidden within the mysterious forest you feel alive.

[chaosinpain]

sometimes

sometimes i feel i have no family no friends no body next to me ..

sometimes i feel it’s only me and myself in this hard world ..

sometimes i feel i couldn’t handle anything no more .

sometimes i couldn’t feel it’s me no more !

Sometimes i feel like, there is no body could hear me anymore ..

sometimes i wish i wasn’t born.. 

sometimes i wish that i never feel anything no more.

sometimes i feel like i need to scream scream scream OUT LOUD.. and Scream LOUDER. until i bleed..

I never Wanted to Feel this way, because it’s hard for me to explain it.. 

it’s hard to handle it .. hard for me to realize that i’m not strong no more to handle life Shitsss..

i really tried to face it by myself and sometimes i won!

and sometimes i lose and when i lose every single thing keeps bothering me all over again !!

thats how i really feel at the moment ! 

>>>> Raz <<<

(via chaosinpain)

me in 2014

[af-70-deactivated20221119]

It’s okay to disappear until you feel like you again

[valentina-poem]

[artbykrp-deactivated20241106]

Pieces of her

[chaosinpain]

Every body types are sexy ... ❤️

[notbeingnoticed]