We Don't Have Many Days - Golden Kamuy
Fandom: Golden Kamuy | Rating: General | Relationships: Ogata Hyakunosuke & Ogata Tome (familial) | Tags: Family angst, letters
Description (as from my google docs): Ogata’s self loathing lament to his deceased parents on New Years
Support my fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/76790891
And for lazy people... the actual fic
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The other day, I went to a soba restaurant. For old time’s sake, though they were closed for New Years, what a pity. I remember this store very well, I had brought Yuusaku with me, though he had objected. Mom, you would have loved Yuusaku. It wouldn’t be shocking that if he was your son you would favour him more than me. A yellow daffodil had bloomed.
Mom, the war is hard on me. She wears me down to the bone and gives me nothing for my tenacious labour. There is something to be eager of in the end at least; a diamond in the rough. The pay is good, it is enough for me. It would be a shame for you to still breathe, I would not have enough for the both of us, Mom.
The Russians are not doing so well. Did you know, after so much bloodshed, we soldiers can smell fear, Mom? It is a trait I am very familiar with. Grandpa used to tell me to keep quiet, listen around the forest, the prey will come to you. Then, shoot. The feeling of aiming a gun was a welcome and familiar act. Even as a child, it felt like I was destined to be a marksman. Maybe that’s why I enlisted in the army. The Russians will surrender Port Arthur soon.
Yuusaku is a good man, Mom. But he is fragile, innocent. I don’t wish it upon him, but I would like to see someone wipe that smug smile off his face. He kept asking me about my life, what I like, my dreams. It is getting awfully repetitive. He is too something, of what I am not sure of. He irritates me, gets the worst out of me. He reminds me of a school boy that never grew up. Stuck in that childhood phase of sunshine and rainbows. He has a gentle soul, and I hope to be the one to break it.
I wish to eat your anglerfish hotpot, Mom. It is not for nostalgia, nostalgia is only for children and the weak. It is merely to understand the complexity of others, to understand their thoughts and whatnot. It has been snowing very heavily these past few days, the layers of snow are almost sub-zero in temperature. To have a belly full of warm, savoury anglerfish broth is a faraway dream now. You know how to make it better than anyone else.
They are setting up the fireworks as I write. They don’t seem enthralling, but you would have loved them the same. I remember when you used to wake me up from my slumber to look at their motley colours, my eyes used to hurt just looking at them. It is a pleasure I don’t share with anyone anymore. It isn’t painful, I would just rather keep this memory of us to myself.
Mom, I’m sorry. I haven’t been the son you wanted, I know. The ‘filial’ son who is to treasure his family more than anything. Tonight will be beautiful. I hope it didn’t hurt when I had fed you that horrid medicine. It was a testament to my rite of passage to adulthood, what you would have wanted. I hope this is enough to prove my love to you. Happy New Year, Mom.”
Dated 31st of December, 1904
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Notes: This is kind of a self study for Ogata. I hate him a lot but he's probably my favourite character in all of GK. There's a certain pathetic charm to him. Ahhh, I'd really love a book dedicated to the character analysis of Ogata and Tsurumi (can't forget my king).
A few references - the soba restaurant in the first paragraph refers to the brothel Ogata has attempted to bring Yuusaku into. Ogata is one disgusting pervert lmaooo.
- Daffodils are known for rebirth, new beginnings, hope and joy. But in a single bloom, they carry the meaning of misfortune/vanity. It is linked to the Greek myth of Narcissus.
- For my history nerds like me, the part about the Russian surrendering is an actual thing that happened during the Siege of Port Arthur. Major General Antoly Stessel thought the purpose of defending the city to be defeated after their blockading fleet was sunken during the battle. On 2nd of January 1905, Stessel surrendered to the Japanese without authorisation, who one too many military staff has disagreed to Stessel's rash decision. In the end, he was convicted of a court-martial in 1908 and was sentenced to death for being bad at defending and disobeying orders. Also, guess what. He was then pardoned!
I'm really sorry if this seems out of character. I wanted to challenge myself to write a slightly morbid, yet loving fic on our favourite problematic soldier. Thanks for reading, and
Happy New Years everyone! :)
