ChaosNerd

Funny stories, random jokes, and occasional venting

[chaosnerd27]

My girlfriend: *Wears a dress*

Me: 😱❤️

My girlfriend: *Wears a suit*

Me: 😱❤️

My girlfriend: *Wears fishnets*

Me: 😱❤️

My girlfriend: *Wears nothing*

Me: 😱❤️

My girlfriend: *Exists*

Me: 😱❤️

[chaosnerd27]

If you overcook a loaf of bread, is it then a loaf of toast??

[chaosnerd27]

Outlast: Whistleblower

Waylon Park if he didn’t escape

[chaosnerd27]

Impractical Jokers

You- Impractical Jokers

Me(an intellectual)- impraQSal JoeMurrs

[chaosnerd27]

Dear Parents,

If you have kids, plan on having kids, or plan on ever taking care of children at all, please read this. Its not OK to read any child’s private opinions for any reason. I don’t care what you think they’re up to, don’t. This means journals, diaries, even social media/blogs where they talk about themselves. (yes, even social media. just because its public, doesn’t mean they necessarily want YOU to read it. If you have to track down their account, they don’t want you to see what’s on it) These are all safe places where people can write about their opinions without being afraid of being punished for having opinions at all. (which is very common) If you go out of your way to read about someone’s private thoughts and opinions without your permission, congrats, you are a terrible person. My dad has gone out of his way to find my social media accounts, and then he yelled at me for talking about my depression online. I honestly can’t think of a better way for him to make sure I never trust him with any information about my life whatsoever.

[chaosnerd27]

Cereal

Just tried putting banana slices on my cereal. Holy crap, it was the best cereal I’ve ever had. It was just a bowl of cinnamon life, but the bananas were fantastic. I may not have sliced the banana thin enough, but I don’t even care.

[chaosnerd27]

Me- *puts on someone else’s glasses*

Me- it zoom

[chaosnerd27]

Snowflakes

Snowflakes are like people, each one is unique. Also if you pee on them they go away.

[chaosnerd27]

Tall friend

People say it sucks being the short friend, but try being the only one in your friend group that can reach the top shelf and now you're everyone's delivery boy

[chaosnerd27]

7 minutes

One time me and my friends were bored at a party so we decided to play 7 minutes in heaven. At one point these 2 girls went in and we didn’t see them for about 10 minutes so we went in to check on them. They were gone, no sign of them, they climbed out the hecking window. On the bright side we have a great story to promote abstinence in case we become teachers, “i once knew some kids who played 7 minutes in heaven, they disappeared.”

[chaosnerd27]

So i was playing yandere simulator and i got the fire demon powers, naturally i used it to murder people by shooting fire on them, but i later found this burnt corpse in his seat. I didnt kill anyone in a classroom, which means this guy was on fire, and instead of finding help he went to class before the bell rang, took his seat, and died