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Jules of Nature

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@chaotic-bi-jaskier
the pain with which Joey and Madeleine sing "REMEMBER ME" in the horror and the wild is only rivaled by how Freddie sings "I DON'T WANNA DIE" in bohemian rhapsody and in this essay I will
Geralt uses the gossip he gets from Jaskier to help him get paid for this contracts.
Jaskier likes to gossip and he has a lot of secret and compromising information about everyone and Geralt listens to him when he talks about it, even when he's pretending not to.
So when some noble or mayor refuses to pay Geralt for a job, because he thinks he can get away with it, Geralt is like:
"Oh, fine... Guess your wife won't mind to hear you slept with her sister".
And just like that, he gets paid.
***
Bonus: he tells jaskier about it later and jaskier finds it hilarious
Geralt probably huffs and puffs about gossip and it being "trite shit beneath him" but I know that bitch turns into the biggest gossip whenever Jaskier has some new court drama to tell him after Winter. Fully locked the fuck in when Jaskier starts drawing diagrams and timelines into the dirt with a stick they both found just to get the full experience. They start mapping out entire family trees and realise the newest drama is connected to some shit that happened 30 years ago in the same court and they only know this because Geralt decided to be a nosy cunt about it when he last passed through there
jaskier getting a sorcerer to put a spell on him that always leads him home because sometimes his directional sense just isn't that good. the spell works great up until he meets geralt and from then on, it only leads him to the white haired witcher.
the sorcerer promises the spell is still working correctly.
Jaskier is fae, and, as a child, his parents tried to teach him how to entrap mortals. They gave him instructions and left him in a fairy circle to wait for a victim.
Another child wandered in. He was guileless and didn't seem to realize what Jaskier was. The little fae didn't want to harm him, but he knew his parents would be mad if no deal was made.
He planned to ask for something harmless after giving the boy a flower crown; however, unprompted, the child swore to protect Jaskier forever.
The deal was made.
Years later, Jaskier met the child, Geralt, as a grown witcher.
“You’ve grown,” Geralt murmured, his gaze lingering on Jaskier as though measuring something deeper than height or breadth.
The fae—still draped in the easy fiction of a bard’s life—tilted his head, a smile curling like sunlight through leaves. “And you haven’t? It’s called ageing, my dear witcher.”
Geralt’s brow furrowed, faintly amused, faintly wary. “I didn’t think your kind followed time the way the rest of us do.”
“We don’t.” The answer came quick as a blade, neat and final. Then, softer, edged with mischief, “But the truth of it would likely knot itself into something your mind would rather not untangle.”
Geralt huffed, somewhere between a scoff and a laugh. “Charming. I can’t tell if I’ve been insulted.”
“That depends,” Jaskier said lightly, though there was a glint beneath it, something older than his borrowed years. “Do you feel insulted?”
Geralt didn’t answer. Truth be told, there were precious few truths about the fae written anywhere, fewer still that could be trusted. And standing before him now was the only one he had ever known—had ever kept.
“I should be thanking you,” Jaskier went on, the brightness dimming just a shade.
Geralt blinked, caught off guard. “For what?”
“For not killing me when we were children.”
A pause settled between them, thin and sharp as frost. “I was a child too,” Geralt said at last.
“Yes,” Jaskier agreed, voice gentler now, though no less certain. “But you were a child raised in a keep full of witchers. I imagine more than a few would’ve relished the chance to get their hands on a fae boy.”
Geralt’s jaw tightened. “I wouldn’t have let them.”
Jaskier’s eyes flickered, searching, curious. “Why?”
And there it was—the quiet, unadorned truth, laid bare without flourish.
“Because I swore to protect you.”
THE LOVERS
This was SO much fun to draw, hope you like 💗
(I thought Geralt deserved flowers too, so he gets wolfsbane)
Geralt deserves to be lifted too!!
My brain has like, 3 shots and it repeatedly hits the same marks? them, soft, a field of flowers; and I’m like, could we at least change the background? but it’s chanting FLOWERFIELD, and I’m like, *john mulaney voice* Okaay..
Jaskier: I’ll take care of you
Geralt: It’s rotten work
Jaskier: Damn right it is, it’s a fucking headache, and DO I EVER GET A THANK YOU?!?
Geralt's a fake ass homosexual if I had Joey Batey trailing after me for 20 years singing ballads about how amazing I was and tenderly stitching up my wounds after I got my ass kicked and gently washing my hair and was so devoted to me that everyone called him my bard I would've fucked him so hard that his vertebrae would be shooting out of his mouth like a pez dispenser but maybe that's just me.
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Geralt comes across a book titled "How to Keep Your Companions Happy and Cared For." What he doesn't realize is that it's actually a guide for dog care.
Nevertheless, Geralt decides to follow the advice in the book with Jaskier. After all, he just got his bard back and wants him to stick around.
Jaskier, on the other hand, is perplexed by Geralt's recent habit of patting his head and giving him extra snacks. Despite the confusion, he doesn't really mind; it's actually quite nice.
damn cats...
geralt when jaskier is pestering him: I’ve never met you in my life. you bastard. you fiend. stop this at once
geralt the instant jaskier gets up to play for their dinner: Where Is My Kisses From Jaskier? Where Is My Snuggles And Cuddles That I Crave So Dearly. You Are A Cruel And Unjust Boyfriend And I Am Going To Cry
And they all lived happily ever after.