When I was 24 years old, I was deciding if I wanted to get divorced and fooling around with a 48 year old man...in addition to being a working full time single mom. When I didnāt have my son, I probably drank more than I shouldāve to distract me from reality.Ā
I questioned my salvation. I questioned my ability to be a mom. I questioned my ability to continue living.Ā
One day, I was sitting at the top of my momās driveway in my beloved Durango, and I thought,Ā āAll I have to do is let go of this brake pedal, and itād be done. No more deciding who and what I love. No more deciding if Iām a good enough Christian. No more jeopardizing relationships.āĀ
Obviously, I didnāt go through with it. But if I look back, I would say thatās probably my lowest point in life.Ā
You know that song,Ā āHow Do You Get That Lonely?ā Itās about a kid who kills himself, and everyone sits around wondering why.Ā
Even with a great support system in that time, I STILL didnāt feel worthy of living. Whatās it like for people that have no one? No one to word vomit with. No one to tell you that you DO have worth. No one to tell you that God isnāt done with you here on Earth yet.Ā
The last couple weeks have been rough emotionally. I can handle all the physical and mental responsibilities of businesses, kids, houses...engage auto pilot and get done what needs done.Ā
Emotions, though, you canāt turn that off. Iāve had some pretty awesomely deep, intimate conversations with my closest tribe these past couple weeks. I donāt know how I would still be moving without them.Ā
As I reflect on where life is at this exact moment, I canāt help but hear God saying,Ā āI pulled you through every other time. Why would I fail you now?ā
He pulled me through. Kicking and screaming, perhaps. But I got through, regardless.Ā
Your trials roughen up your edges. They make you resilient. When you feel like you canāt possibly stretch anymore, thatās when growth happens.Ā
Those of you who follow me regularly know that Iām big on relying on your tribe. Life is boring without a tribe. Life is lonely without a tribe. Life just simply doesnāt have the same fulfillment without a tribe.Ā
If you know someone that needs an ear and you care about them, be their ear. Your hour of coffee might be the difference in whether they stick around with us here on Earth or not.Ā
As always, sprinkle the love all over. Give. Listen. Care.Ā
theartofmadeline
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul