Chapina Baby

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[chapinababy]

thought it would be fitting to post you on here since I used to fill these posts with you all the time when we were together.

our breakup hurt- I cried for months. I felt as if I’d never fall in love again. But, knowing you and all that you taught me in our 3 years together is that I am not unloveable, I am worthy of all the things I want to enter my life.

so I did exactly that: allowed all things to come to me with open arms.

exciting job opportunities, new friendships, new experiences, and yes, new love.

I automatically knew the red flags of the toxic relationship that happened right after you and I and left him. And no, it was no secret that he looked just like you. I had a hard time letting you go and needed my fix-but he wasn’t anything like you. No one ever could be.

I am however now engaged to a man who is extraordinarily much like you- not in looks, height, demeanor, but in the way he loves.

with passion, with patience, with no condition, and eternally.

you taught me the most valuable lesson of all; how to love and how to love in return.

I love you Manny

I will miss you

thank you for entering my life like a meteor, destroying everything in your path only to make room for the good that you would bring.

rest easy

[just-shower-thoughts]

There’s a fine line between learning to cope with life’s problems and getting worn down enough to stop caring about them.

[chapinababy]

My Snapchat memory of the day.

Normally I look forward to checking what comes up but this pierced a knife right through my heart.

2 years ago the laugh of this beautiful girl warmed my cold heart.

2 years ago her big hazel eyes would look into mine with so much joy as she called me mom.

2 years ago....she was a major part of my life. The happiest part. The only part that mattered. I had no idea that such a love existed until the day I met her.

Now I have no idea how she’s doing.

Did she have her first kiss yet? Is she still getting straight A’s? Is she playing softball? Is she nervous to start middle school? What are her interests now? What did she ask for for Christmas? How much taller did she get?

But most importantly, is she happy? Is she still laughing like this?

I’m sure I am a distant memory of her past. If I’m not now, one day I will be. As her life progresses I’ll just be another chapter in her book of experience.

However I hope if she ever decides to skim through our pages that she looks at them just as fondly as I do.

[chapinababy]

Straight facts.

While I’m not definitely not looking to settle down with anyone at this moment, I know I don’t want to waste my time when I’m finally ready to open my heart and soul.

[chapinababy]

Annnnnd I’m back

To not liking anyone.

Whew, scared myself for a moment.

[chapinababy]

So I like this guy.

........fuck.

[chapinababy]

Felt cute 💘

[chapinababy]

And for this reason, I’m remaining single forever.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Your future self thinks you’re stupid

[chapinababy]

Colorado, you are beautiful.

[chapinababy]

I don’t know those girls. I don’t know that dude. But I do know Prayers was absolutely incredible and I can still feel his bass pulsing through my chest. Undoubtedly one of the best shows I’ve been to in a long, long time.

If you haven’t heard of him, give Gothic Summer a chance.

[chapinababy]

I saw you.

You.

Once in my dreams.

Twice at the gas station.

Three times in my mind through random conversation about how you’re doing.

You.

It’s not the “you” people think I’m talking about.

It’s ...you.

The only “you” that mattered. The “you” that stole my heart many years ago. The “you” I’ve been avoiding, the “you” that still makes my heart ache at the slightest thought of our memories.

We went from not being able to stay away from one another for 20 minute intervals to avoiding eye contact at Valero.

Maybe today I’m thinking about “you” heavily because I heard you’re talking to someone new. That you’re upset still at our failure. That you’re still telling people “I gave her my everything” an entire year later.

I’m sorry you are hurting.

If it’s any consolation, I am too.

I hope you can take our memories as proof that love exists. That it’s passionate. Understanding. Genuine. Pure. That you can be everything for her that you weren’t for me.

You.

You deserve to be happy.

And I do too.

[chapinababy]

What a night 🐰🖤

[chapinababy]

My aura produces melodies that only a certain few can appreciate.

[chapinababy]

Happy❤️

[chapinababy]

I did it

Today was the day.

You aren’t allowed near me.

You aren’t allowed to think of me.

You aren’t allowed to reach out to me.

You are to stay 100 yards away from me.

There was a time when 100 centimeters was too far.

100 kisses were too little.

100 cuddles were not enough.

100 I love you’s didn’t project just how much you meant to me.

Funny how things change.

I wish you the best.

I wish that you’ll change.

Because from this point on, I know I will.

[chapinababy]

Gotta love tinder