my bad feelings are irrelevant how am i supposed to feel things don't set well and i am expected to accept them accept accept until it's neglect, neglect i'm a beer girl it numbs slow, but numbs nonetheless i never wanted to be this person but i'm glad this broken glass barefoot lifestyle led me to this lie, this life without the f this self deceit and i declared my love of drinking alone at the dinner table and that's the first sign of a problem, she said my mother's eyes concerned yet amused i hide everything like i never want it to be found but who am i kidding? who am i trying to kid? who am i trying to be? why do i base my life decisions off the validation of strangers who won't be able to pick me out of my police lineup destiny in a decade a decade, a decade give me another fucking second to try to get my head on straight to get rid of this pounding goddamn headache before you tell me about what i need to, what i must, what i really really really should do my bad feelings are irrelevant in my stomach they sit unattended unacceptable, their behavior with no regard for my teeth and my tongue i'm grating them, it's grating on me i can't sleep and insecurity is the culprit the black and white slow moving knife covered fields of my imminent death is calling me and i have to answer death is sick of knocking death is sick of chasing me and having me evade the traps he set all the sharp corners are beginning to look the same and beginning to cave in death is sick of waiting my bad feelings are irrelevant until i choke on them and my tombstone needs engraving