the wanderer

my name is chase wilcox, i'm twenty (forever), and i'm stuck in the middle of nowhere for eternity because i hurt myself. awesome, right? WRONG. tw: suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression, angst

[chase-wilcox]

two am, a chase one-shot.

Two AM. A phone call. It was supposed to be three. Why wasn't it three? The house is pitch black, so he can only hear as his mother answers the phone, voice still saying she's half asleep. Why wasn't it three AM?

"Hello?" There's a pause before he can hear the other end before he can hear a man's voice. A stranger's voice.

"An accident? Wh-what kind of accident?" The sleep in his mother's voice had vanished in an instant. A light clicked on in the dark and he could see his mother suddenly, looking worried. When had worry lines gotten creased into her forehead?

"Ma'am, we believe your son was in an accident this evening. He's on his way to the University of Washington Medical Center."

"Oh...oh no. Okay. We'll be there soon." She hung up before the man could continue and shook her husband awake. Panic set in as they quickly dressed and rushed toward Seattle. But it was a controlled panic, that only let loose when they arrived at the hospital.

His mother rushed in, demanded to see her son, she had to see him right this instant. Tears were in her eyes then and Chase could feel a knot in his chest forming, pulling tight.

The nurse told her to remain calm and that she would go find out where they were keeping her son. Chase wanted to vomit. Why was it two AM and not three? Why had he done this? Why was he seeing this?!

The nurse returned with a doctor and he told the Wilcox's to please have a seat. They sank into chairs and the doctor cleared his throat. "When the ambulance arrived at the scene, your son was unresponsive. He was airlifted here. But we...we believe he died instantly." His mom began to sob and yelled that it wasn't possible, it couldn't be possible, that he was her baby and he couldn't be dead. But he had.

Officer Buchanan arrived soon after, sat down with his parents, and explained. He told them that they believed Chase had hit the median on the bridge going at least ninety miles per hour. And that he had been sober at the time. He told them that he believed their son may have fallen asleep at the wheel. But Chase knew that was a crock of shit. He'd done it on purpose.

The death would be ruled an accident, but his mother didn't believe it. She shook her head over and over. "No, this was no accident. My son...he...a year ago his girlfriend got into an accident on that bridge. She's been in a coma since. God, he said he was going for a drive, how could this happen? Why would he do this?"

And all his dad could do was hold her. He had no words. He couldn't believe it.

And Chase just wanted to cry.

[aliceinnowhere]

But you did.

[chase-wilcox]

Good point. I didn't miss anything good, did I?

[aliceinnowhere]

Well, now you’re here. 

[chase-wilcox]

And if I never came back?

[rubywindsor]

Thank goodness you’re back, safe and sound. Are you okay, sweetheart? Did anything happen to you? 

You don’t have sunburn or anything, do you? Oh, honey.

[chase-wilcox]

Oh, no, I'm fine. I found this sweet cave-like thing. Couldn't tell you where, though.

[chase-wilcox]

I didn't think it was possible to get lost, but I got lost in my wanderings...But thanks for looking, I appreciate it, guys.

[tracynumbuhthree]

I think I just go in circles, every time I go out.

[chase-wilcox]

I get that same feeling. Like whoever is in charge of this place made it so we can only go so far before ending up back in town.

[roxy-silva]

Can anyone around here actually dance?

[chase-wilcox]

You mean like this?

[tracynumbuhthree]

You’re here ‘cause you killed yourself. One question down, now you can sleep tonight.

[chase-wilcox]

[tracynumbuhthree]

No matter what happens, you’ll always have unanswered questions.

[chase-wilcox]

Yeah, I guess you're right. But...I mean, the question I want answers to- it's...It's sort of the reason I'm here.

[tracynumbuhthree]

It didn’t bother me. It was just annoying.

[chase-wilcox]

Mine left me with unanswered questions...

[tracynumbuhthree]

That sounds about right. Did you get that stupid funeral thing?

[chase-wilcox]

The real question is: Who didn't get the stupid funeral thing? How bad was yours?

[tracynumbuhthree]

You’re probably not alone with that statement.

[chase-wilcox]

I'd believe it. It's like...just as things start to look up, this places throws you for a loop.

[chase-wilcox]

If dreaming were possible, I think I'd have nightmares.

[chase-wilcox]

a nerd's philosophy, a chase oneshot.

The epiphany came to him a few days before and he'd run immediately to the paper and demanded a job. The idea had been growing slowly in his little mind for weeks, but it had never occurred to him until he was reading one of the ancient books in his collection that discussed philosophy. And then it hit him. Chase was always asking questions about Nowhere, always searching for answers to the questions no one asked aloud. And so he had decided to write articles for the paper discussing these questions and his theories about Nowhere. It was a long-shot, since the possibilities were endless and could cause people to hate him or question his sanity, but he didn't mind one bit.

So he sat down at his desk, pencil in hand, and stared at a blank sheet of yellowing paper. His mind was racing with so many ideas. He began to write down the ones that came to mind immediately. Why aren't there stars in the sky? Why is there water in the lake if it doesn't rain? Where does all the stuff from the junkyard come from? After looking at the short list, he nodded and got to his feet, pacing as he thought of which to start with. He thought of which would be easiest to discuss.

Honestly he wanted to discuss the stars, because that was something that had bothered him since day one and it seemed to bother a few of the people he called friends. So he returned to the paper and circled the first one on the list. Perhaps it was time to get started on the actual article, then.

He stuffed the paper into his pocket and pulled out a fresh one, pressing his pencil to the paper and letting his mind do the work. He discussed the finer points of his theory on why there were no stars. Maybe Anna will publish this one, he thought.

[aliceinnowhere]

Harvesting Constellations | Chase & Alice.

[aliceinnowhere]

Alice turned around, her eyes brightening at the mention of the book she had first related this entire place to. “Yeah, I have.” She told him, nodding mainly to herself. The entire concept of being stuck in the middle of somewhere between heaven and earth in The Lovely Bones was that the main girl had gotten to travel between both whereas they were solely stuck here. She didn’t think she would have been able to travel back on earth though, it would hurt too much to see people mourn her or to see that they had moved on just fine without her in their lives. 

She toyed with her sleeves absentmindedly, trying not to look at him only because she could hear the cracks in his voice and she knew that if she were to look over at him then the tears would threaten to spill out of her and if there was one thing she didn’t want anyone around here to see her do it was exactly that. It was probably a pathetic notion, not wanting people to see her cry, but it was more than her trying to be strong or stubborn. It was like, if she cried then she was admitting to herself how weak she had been about everything. Alice had not exactly thought about her death, really truly sat down and thought about it in all of the time she’d been in in Nowhere and she didn’t think it was the time to start doing so.

"I think at the end of the day it’s all in how you see things." She said, pulling a strand of her own hair. "I mean, there is people around here who think it’s pathetic to even make friendships or get to know people. But whenever I talk to people, like talking to you right now, it all feels really nice and I don’t think nice things would be allowed to happen here if we were being punished." Alice cleared her throat, turning to face him finally, casually taking his hand. "It’s going to be okay, you know? Everything…I really do think this winds up being okay for all us in the long run." 

[chase-wilcox]

The fact that Alice knew about the book didn't surprise him. Daisy had read it several times and loved it. He nodded in reply, acknowledging he heard her. The part he wished would happen was when the main character had gotten to take over someone's body and kiss the boy she'd liked before she died. But Chase wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle that if it was possible in Nowhere - and judging by the sheer lack of excitement in the place, it was unlikely.

Chase had never been one to cry before. He'd always been sort of happy, and always ready for a lame joke. Tears of laughter were in a category of their own. But after her accident, he'd spent a lot of nights crying himself to sleep. Guilty tears. And then when he'd arrived in Nowhere, there were a range of different cries he had. The tears now were a little of everything. He didn't usually cry in front of people, it was a private habit and he liked to act as though he wasn't dealing with things. But Alice seemed to bring out the tears. Being around her made him feel safe, un-judged. And having a friend like that was nice.

Her words nearly made him jump, but he looked over at her, tears drying. He listened intently, nodding a few times. He was watching her face, looking at her try to keep her composure. Alice was really strong, and he sort of admired that about her. He'd seen his fair share of meltdowns and yet, he hadn't seen Alice cry a single time. She must do it, alone in her home, but the fact that she kept her cool made her seem that much more awesome. Her hand taking his made him break his stare at her to look down. The contact felt foreign and he almost snatched his hand away, but he let her take his hand. It wasn't like it was wrong. "You know, when you put it that way, this place doesn't seem bad at all. Honestly, you paint this place in a totally different light than most people, which is pretty great to be honest. You open eyes to what we should be seeing instead of what we expect to see. Thanks for that, really." He smiled and then cleared his throat. "Yeah, everything does work out in the end, I suppose. Everything turns out alright. One day we'll wake up and things will fall into place. At least, I'd like to think that now."

[chase-wilcox]

*lets kill hitler, a chase & anna adventure

[annaxmontgomery-deactivated2014]

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[chase-wilcox]

Honestly, Chase hadn't expected the ad to turn out so nicely. He'd bribed a few people to let him use some paint, markers, and other things to get the right colors and then it had taken a little while to hunt down an image of Hitler himself. Who knew there'd even be one of those in Nowhere. As her eyes grew wide, he knew he'd done a good job. And then he was smirking as she said it was fantastic. "Thanks, Anna!" He was grinning like a fool at he met her gaze. This was a job well done, clearly. One step in the right direction.

As he listened to her, he looked at the table, nodding. "Like a phone tree? And then send out a mass text to everyone. Sounds like a great idea." He thought a moment and then sighed. "If they don't live up to expectations, we can send them home with a kick in the ass," he joked. He hadn't really used his cell, but he didn't know if it could even text. "Can...can these things text? Or do we really actually have to make phone calls?" That idea was a little suckish since he didn't want to spend three hours making calls.

Prizes. Chase had a few ideas on prizes. One being a painting by any of the artists in Nowhere. He was hoping Alice would contribute, but he knew she frowned on the idea of violence so he was a little afraid to ask. He could ask Mac, though. "I was thinking of like things people have made here. Like paintings, photographs. Sentimental things, I suppose. And then whatever cool stuff is in the junkyard. I mean it's hard to think of something really awesome when this place has so much suck." Chase shrugged and looked at her for answers. Anna must have some ideas for sure.

[starkology-deactivated20251214]