
if i look back, i am lost
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Today's Document
Noah Kahan
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Andulka

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@chaseemery
/Heads over to Joseph's room after talking to Rainbow/
Youâre exactly right, sheâs busy getting ready so if I have to disturb her to make you get ready she will be very annoyed.
Itâs not like weâre not torturing you Joseph, weâre going to spend time with family friends. Youâll be fine.
âŠYou play hard ball dad, you really want to see me suffer.
That is the exact definition of torture! I hate interacting with people andâŠHazel is going to be there which is gonna make this infinitely worse.
Tough shit. Get ready kid, if you're not downstairs in ten minutes, I'm sending your mother up.
/Heads over to Joseph's room after talking to Rainbow/
/sighs before pulling out the big guns/ Donât you make me get your mother up here Joseph. Hurry up and get ready, because we, as in the whole family, are going.
/swallows hard/ Thatâs a bluffâŠmom is too busy getting ready to bother with me right now. Why the hell am I being forced into this? Iâm gonna be in a crappy mood and ruin everybodyâs night.
You're exactly right, she's busy getting ready so if I have to disturb her to make you get ready she will be very annoyed.
It's not like we're not torturing you Joseph, we're going to spend time with family friends. You'll be fine.
/Heads over to Joseph's room after talking to Rainbow/
/grits his teeth for a moment/ And I said, you had no choice⊠remember?
You know what, I actually chose to ignore that part because I would really rather not go. Theyâre your friends so you go and have a great time.
/sighs before pulling out the big guns/ Don't you make me get your mother up here Joseph. Hurry up and get ready, because we, as in the whole family, are going.
/Heads over to Joseph's room after talking to Rainbow/
Joseph! Hurry up. We need to leave soon, weâre going to the Sebastianâs place for Christmas remember?
/groans and rolls his eyes/ Yeah, whatever and I said that I didnât plan on going, remember?
/grits his teeth for a moment/ And I said, you had no choice... remember?
/Heads over to Joseph's room after talking to Rainbow/
Joseph! Hurry up. We need to leave soon, we're going to the Sebastian's place for Christmas remember?
Confrontation - Chase/Melosia
Yelling and cursing wasnât Melosiaâs character at all. While she may not have known it in the moment, she most definitely would have felt bad later on, even if it was all Chaseâs fault. For the first time, she was channeling her shock and sadness into hot-blooded anger. The tears continued to roll down her cheeks, but all she could think about was Chase.
There he stood. A few bumps and bruises tattered his skin, but he was standing. He was conscious. It wasnât fair. The odds never seemed to be in Asterâs favor. It was hard not to blame Chase, considering their past, too.
Melosia wiped angrily at her cheeks again and took a shaky breath, anger still bubbling in the pit of her stomach.Â
"Just tell me why." she demanded, "Tell me why itâs always him who gets the short end of the stick, and you walk away every time!" Her voice broke again at the end of her sentence, and she let out another sob, hugging herself tightly.Â
There was a stab of guilt in his chest, especially when she broke off into another sob. A part of him wanted to hug her, try to comfort her but he didn't think that would be very appreciated. He swallowed hard and glanced down as he felt tears burn his eyes again.
"I can't." He answered her in a strained voice. "I'm sorry... I don't... I don't have answers... I wish... I wish it was me. I wish he was standing here talking to you now... I wish there was something I could do..." He broke off and sniffed softly, raising a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.Â
He took a few steps closer to her, not really sure what he was doing but feeling like he needed to do something. Whether that was an attempt to comfort her or letting her lash out physically he wasn't sure. It wasn't like her, he knew that much but right now he doubted she was feeling much like herself. He knew he wasn't feeling much like himself either.
Confrontation - Chase/Melosia
The very last thing Melosia expected to get on a quiet afternoon was a phonecall from Madge. While reading the caller ID confused her, she never could have predicted what she would hear through the line.
"Asterâs been in an accident."
She didnât need any explanation , as she shot up anyways, grabbing her shoes and keys haphazardly her flips flops probably on different feet. The hospital was close enough for her to run, and considering all the thoughts rushing through her head, there was no way she could have operated a vehicle anyways. She finally reached the hospital, pushing her way through the glass doors.
The last thing Melosia had heard from Aster was that he was going on a small trip with Chase. They had rekindled their friendship over the past few years, and while Melosia still had some resentment towards Chase buried down inside of her, she chose to ignore it. But there was no way she could ignore that Chase was the last person Aster was with.
"Is there an AsterâŠSebastian here?" she panted, listening to the nurseâs instruction before taking off down the halls of the hospital. Her flip flops echoed through them as she ran, before coming to a stop at his door. She hesitated, before slowly opening the door.Â
All she could think about were all the wires and tubes hooked up to his body and the bruises and blood before she realized she was crying. Disbelief was then followed by anger. White, hot rage. She knew Chase was the only person she could pin this on. And instead of crying and going to Asterâs side, Melosia stormed down the hall in search for Chaseâs room, which she imagined would be nearby.
Sure enough, Emery, Chase was written on a clipboard hanging from the outside of his room. Her face was hot and wet with tears when she threw open his door, not sure of what sheâd find behind his door.
What she did find, though, made her even angrier. There was Aster, who had never done a bad thing to anyone, and he was hooked up to machines, while Chase was unscathed, sitting quietly in his room. Melosia slammed the door shut and stood staring, reaching up to wipe at her eyes once.
"You never take a break, do you? You always have to fuck something up!" she screamed, but it came out more of a raspy cry for help.Â
He turned when he heard the door slam shut, from where he'd been staring out the window. The both of them spent a few moments staring at one another, his guilt increasing tenfold when he saw her tearful face. He couldn't blame her for being angry with him- he was too. He just kept blaming himself, even though no one could have predicted what happened.
Chase flinched slightly when she yelled, though it wasn't quite as powerful as it could have been vocally, affected by her tears, it was plenty powerful in terms of what she said. He swallowed hard and looked down, trying to find words.
"Melosia.." His own voice was low and raspy, clearly pained. "I'm so sorry... I just... I swear, Aster... he was driving and we didn't even see the car coming... it just... sped out of no where." But things like this were always easier when there was someone in front of you to blame and without the other driver, he was the easiest one.
The Hospital || Chiris
"But it isnât." she reassured him, which she would most likely continue to do until he stopped. She moved her hand and placed it over his that was now resting on her cheek and smiled at him, "I know, and I love you too Chase."
She gave him a smile and sat herself next to him on the bed, just letting her leg hang off the side so she could swing it lightly. âEverything is going to be okayâŠâ She told him softly as she rested her head on his shoulder and holding his hand, interlocking their fingers together. âDid your parents and sister come to see you yet? How are they doing? Do I win for person who freaked out the most about you or did Ciara have me beat?â she asked with a little laugh, hoping joking a bit would lighten the mood.
He did manage a soft laugh, squeezing her hand lightly and resting his head against hers. "No you win, but only because Dad made her stay home. I guess he thought seeing me injured would be bad enough, let alone having to see her upset too." He shrugged. "Dad was his usual silent upset, mom cried a little... but they were okay mostly once they realised I'm not that bad. It's Aster we're all worried about."
Chase sighed and kissed the side of her head "I'm scared Iris... I need him to be okay. I need my best friend. I want to be in there with him but.. I can't face them all..."
The Hospital || Chiris
She frowned a little at his words, though still letting him nuzzle in closer to her, âDonât talk like that Chase! It isnât your fault.â she told him before pulling away to look him in the eye. She wanted to him to listen and to understand so she reached out and rested her hand on his cheek and gave him a serious look.
Iris hated seeing him like this, it wasnât fair for him to think that everything bad that happened to Aster was his fault when it wasnât. âDo you hear me? Donât be blaming yourselfâŠâ she gave him a small kiss on the nose and rested her forehead against his, hoping that he would stop being so hard on himself because he didnât deserve it whatsoever.
"It feels like my fault," He murmured, resting his forehead against hers with a soft sigh. He reached up to cup her cheek too, the other hand brushing slowly through her hair. "I love you Iris." He said softly, shutting his eyes for a moment and just enjoying her presence. Though as comforting as it was, it didn't take away his guilt.
If that had any chance of disappearing, he supposed it wouldn't be until after Aster woke up. Maybe if Aster said it himself he would feel a little better. He let go of her briefly to shift over in the bed, giving her hand a light tug and patting the bed softly. "C'mon, join me."
//......
The Hospital || Chiris
"I hope soâŠyou both had me so scared. And now you know why I donât like carsâŠ" Her voice was a little shaky, though she tried to keep calm and think positively. Iris leaned her head against his when he buried his face into her shoulder. Though she was happy he was close to her again, she knew it wouldnât feel the same until everything was back to normal and the boys were well and fine and out of the hospital.
When he started to cry into her shoulder, she wrapped both of her arms around him, stroking his hair softly to try and calm him down. âshhh, itâll be okay ChaseâŠIâm sure itâll all be okayâŠheâs going to wake up soonâŠâ she spoke quietly in his ear, trying to reassure both of them. She didnât want Chase to go through the same thing she went through with her dad, and she knew how devastated he would be if she was wrong.
"Why do I keep fucking things up for him Iris?" He nuzzled his face further into her shoulder and squeezed her a little tighter against him, running one hand up and down her back slowly. She thought it was the car, he thought he was the bad luck charm and he was sure Melosia thought the same.Â
They were keeping him here until the next day for observation but after that he'd be signing out... he could only hope that Aster wouldn't be too far behind but he was scared. He hadn't seen the Sebastian family yet, a part of him was afraid to. Mostly right now he just wanted to be with Iris. He wanted to be there for Aster too but he didn't think he could take sitting in a room with everyone else.
The Hospital || Chiris
Walking over to his side quickly, Iris tried to hold back any tears and returned his half smile. She was glad that he was alright, on the outside things didnât look too serious but she wasnât sure about inside. There could be some kind of damage to his bones or brain or-she wasnât going to think about that, she had to stay positive.
She ran her fingers through his hair and took a deep breath before responding, âYou should beâŠI knew this was going to happen, I just knew itâŠâ of course she was unlucky enough to have two people she loved ending up in a car crash, it was like some sick joke the universe was playing on her. âHow are you feeling? And please donât say youâre fine if you really arenât.â
He sighed and leaned into the touch on his hair, sighing softly. "Other than the bruises and some scratches, I feel fine. Physically anyway." He murmured, reaching out to wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her shoulder sort of like he was a little kid again.Â
"But Aster... he's not okay Iris. I mean he's still unconscious and he almost died and..." He broke off into a soft sob against her. He'd cried already by Aster's bed but had managed to contain himself when it came to his parents. But with Iris he always tried to be himself and right now he felt guilty about hurting his best friend. As much as he knew he needed to comfort her, he needed her to comfort him too.
The Hospital || Chiris
Iris hurried as quickly as she possibly could to the hospital Chase and Aster were in after hearing about the crash. She was in a state of panic and the train just couldnât go fast enough. All the time she spent sitting on the moving vehicle, the more she thought this was her fault. She didnât try harder to make them stay and she had first hand experience on how dangerous driving around could be.
Finally after so long she finally made it to the hospital, sprinting in as quickly as she could. âIâmâŠlooking for ChaseâŠwhere is he? Where is Chase Emery?â she asked out of breath and in a panic when she got to the front desk. The nurse could tell how worried she was and quickly looked through her papers and gave Iris his room number and again, she ran through the halls hoping that Chase wasnât too badly injured. When she found his room, Iris leaned against the door frame to catch her breath, âDammit ChaseâŠâ was all she managed at the moment as she looked over at him laying on the bed.
He glanced over at her and managed something of a half smile. A black eye, various other bruises and scratches but he was okay otherwise, if you didn't count the guilt. His parents had already visited and after a while of letting them coddle them he had insisted he was fine. His mother hadn't wanted to leave but his father had apparently understood his need to be alone and left him to his thoughts.
Despite wanting to be alone though, it was good to see Iris and so he sat up a little straighter, adjusting the bed and gesturing her over. "Hey..." He murmured. He could tell she was panicked by the way she looked right now, and after her attempts to convince him not to go on the road trip he did know how she felt about cars.
"Sorry I scared you."
Confrontation - Chase/Melosia
Chase was back in his own room now- he couldn't stay in Aster's room when the others arrived, in part because he felt guilty and in part because it was getting crowded in there. He didn't bother taking a seat on his bed, standing by the window and staring out instead. He wasn't sure where his parents and Iris were yet. He supposed Iris had the furthest to come, which meant it took longer for her but as for his parents and Ciara... maybe no one had been able to get in contact with them yet. Or they just hadn't arrived.
Nonetheless, it probably wasn't a bad thing. He was fairly sure Aster's girlfriend was going to come in and rip him a new one. Even though he hadn't intentionally caused the accident, he'd bought the car so he was the reason they were on the road. Plus he didn't think she'd really liked him all that much after all the drama he'd caused, which he supposed was fair enough but he was trying to make up for it.
Headcanon: The Accident pt. 2